Relationship issues

I’m a newbie so far as this area of caring is concerned. I am wondering if anyone has any experience of caring for someone with mild learning disabilities in a relationship with someone else with learning diabilities/mental health issues and has any advice on how much to monitor/handle/intervene/allow etc

Hi Henrietta, no experience in a paid capacity, but experience as a volunteer with the athletes at Special Olympics who are in a relationship (boyfriend, girlfriend.) We only intervene if we are concerned about the welfare of one of them. I’d see my role as supporting them with self advocacy within the relationship. If one person in the relationship has a greater level of LD than the other, then more support might be needed.


Thanks Melly for reply. Tricky isn’t it especially when you know one party much better than the other?


This is a difficult area for all concerned, I think that you need to make absolutely sure that you have had clear instructions from Social Services and / or family about how to approach this area.

Have you seen the Needs Assessment and Care Plan for each individual?
Have they had any relationship classes or training?

Are the individuals concerned consenting adults.

In other words, has a formal mental capacity assessment been done in the last year or two?

My adult daughter has learning difficulties and is on the autistic spectrum. She has been engaged for 3 years to a guy who is a few years older than her and who also has special needs and went to a special school. I think he is undiagnosed autistic. He can drive and has a car so they do get out and about together and he does have a job but he changes jobs frequently as he falls out with people.

It’s not easy! I have made sure daughter is on the pill for a start. I have also taken over sorting his paperwork and bills as when they met he had quite a lot of debts because he just put stuff to one side. he is now debt free but I have to remind him all the time to pay bills. He also loves to spend his wages on nice clothes that he doesn’t really need rather than trying to save a bit for the future.

They both clearly need support and lots of it so I do worry about what happens when I’ve gone!

They have been on the housing list for 3 years and I am really hoping that they get somewhere soon as they really want to live together.

They both drive me and my husband totally mad at times because everything is always about them but that’s their autism.