Help about alcoholic parent

Hi there,

I’d really like some advice about my alcoholic mother who is 59. She is currently able to look after herself but I’m trying to find out what care would be available when her health declines further. She has been an alcoholic for decades 70cl-1litre of whisky every 1-2 days. She has rashes all over her body, most of her teeth have fallen out, terrible mood swings, depression, nervous about minor things. She is not financially stable - lots left to pay on mortgage - house is falling apart - several leaks etc. She recently opted to take redundancy from the job she’s been in since leaving school as she didn’t want her hours changed. She said she’d get another job but 2 years later hasn’t tried off her own back to get a job once. She’s receiving a partial pension but drinking away more money than she earns. Recently diagnosed as diabetic and she is not bothering to take her medication. She is very unfit and very overweight. I have involved the family (her 2 sisters) who tried to help her by fixing up odd jobs in the house for a month or 2 then disappeared.

I am concerned as I am dealing with some chronic health issues myself - paying £500 per month to recover my health and working 60 hours a week to accommodate that so when her health does decline I have no time or spare money to support ger aswell. My own life has been on hold for years now due to the health and excessive working hours and therefore I do not want when I break free of this for my life to then be whole-ly consumed by supporting her poor life choices - sacrificing my happiness further. I can obviously get her 2 sisters involved again but I doubt they are going to have a massive impact.

Will support be available to her care wise? I live in the UK. Many thanks for your advice!, Sophie.

Sophie, you are not financially responsible for your mother’s care.
Sadly, she is spiraling downward, inevitably, and probably unable to change.
If she needs residential care, it would be funded from the sale of her house.
Do you live with her?

Thanks for your reply. That is a relief to know thankyou. I do live with her but I’m moving out in 3 months time. When her money runs out which it will where would she live? Who would care for her? I just want to know who to go to when the time is right. Thanks very much for your help.

Happy to help.
Here’s my “rough guide”.
Social Services are required to deal with vulnerable adults requiring care, except in the most serious of cases when the NHS provides free care under the Continuing Healthcare scheme, but that’s a postcode lottery I’m afraid.
If a person has savings over £23,000 they are expected to fund their own care.
Does mum own her house outright?
If so, then it will need to be sold to fund the care, except in special cases.
Has it always been your home too? They might call this a special case.
Please call the Carers UK helpline if you want detailed advice.

The house is worth 100K but she has only paid off around 45K so far. She has received a lump sum of redundancy money and is receiving an early partial pension but is frittering her money away by not getting another job and by drinking it away. It is my home from a child but I moved out for 8 years. I came back to reduce my outgoings whilst I pay for my own health issues but she outwardly says she hates me being here as she sees it as an invasion of her space (even though it is a 3 bedroom house to herself) and the house has water damage which is potentially impacting on my health issues so I am moving out to rent.

I don’t expect her alcohol situation to explode just yet - but I feel it is coming due to her not bothering to take diabetic medication and not bothering to follow her doctor’s advice regarding diet changes.

I just wanted to know if her care would be paid for or not and by whom - which you’ve basically said she’d have to pay for it herself out of her savings/property value. That’s great info thanks. When she then loses her house or runs out of money - would she then be accepted into a home? Or would it be down to her family to home her? I will call the carer’s UK helpline for details also thankyou so much.

Once her savings have gone below £23,000 Social Services would pay towards her care.
Don’t worry, under NO circumstances can you be expected to pay a penny. If she needed care suddenly, then the council would sort out and pay for her care, and put a charge on the property until it was sold, then claim the money back.

Thankyou bowlingbun. You are very kind giving out all of this information! I do appreciate it and I shall share the details with my family. X