Ready to check out

After reading some of these posts I feel like a fraud. Kinda makes me realise my own personal
Situation could actually be much worse. Physically to those on the outside my husband probably seems like he’s perfectly fine. Its what Im dealing with inside the home where no one sees thats the issue. I’ll keep it short. My husband and I have been together now for 33 years, he looked after me and our daughter, even when I was sectioned with mental health problems. My mental health issues were a results of a childhood trauma. He stuck with me when every other man would’ve ran for the hills and I refuse to abandon him when he needs me the most, asides the fact I’m I still love and adore this man as much now as I did when we first met. The truth is I’m really struggling and because of my mental health diagnosis his actions/ reactions and seemingly indifference to my suffering is causing me to feel a lot of resentment and I have reverted back to the old coping mechanisms such as self harm , alcohol and drug abuse which I haven’t indulged in for more than 12 years. On top of that because I’m now older I’ve got some serious health issues. I’ve asked my gp for help but they just keep fobbing me off. That’s just making me feel more worthless than I feel already. Thoughts such as " why bother" & " i deserve this" have got me to the point where I have to have the feeling of being high and drunk after my husband has gone to bed. I suspect he knows but just doesn’t care. He’s rightly tired of it and who can blame him. Since he had throat cancer in 2010 its like he’s a completely different person I don’t even recognise anymore. I’m about ready to sign out , to give up. I’ve no idea where to turn to " just feel normal" I have a cpn but its just to help me cope while my MST is being reduced to zero… couldn’t have come at a worst time but apparently I don’t have a say in this because they’ve suddenly realised it can cause long term damage and shorten a person’s life. Dont they realise living a life full of horrendous pain 24/7 isn’t living a life at all

Hello Debbie

Thanks for posting about your situation in the Forum. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having a difficult time recently with your caring situation and with your own health.

I’ve sent you an email with some potential sources of support which I hope you will find helpful.

With good wishes