Hi there
Hope everyone is ok.
I need some practical advice on how to move my mother into a care home.
Context
Mum is 86, had a stroke 3 years ago and has been diagnosed with Mixed Dementia for 2 years now. I have LPA both health and financial.
She has a care package at home with 4 visits a day.
She has small savings and contributes to the cost of her home care organised through social services. She owns her own home.
She suffers significant memory issues, and considerable apathy - she doesn’t move out of her chair all day unless coaxed during carer visits but increasingly says no now. She is urinary incontinent.
She cannot use the TV remote control, cannot read (I’ve stopped newspaper deliveries now), cannot operate a mobile phone (I have to use the Alexa Drop In technology to chat with her on video).
Her mobility is slowly declining. She had a fall 2 years ago, and because of her dementia apathy not moving it is getting worse. I employ 2 physio visits a week - if she did exercises as asked she would be walking easily with a stick now, but she sits hours not moving - just to ‘keep her going’.
And her speech has declined significantly as well. She often forgets what she wants to say, and also can’t find the words. In the last 6 months she has reduced to a few word sentences. She never starts speech, only replies. I have to drill down to what she means by asking Yes/No questions.
My Mum hardly eats now and it is a struggle to maintain her weight.
I live 3 hours away in Hampshire, and my employer has been very supportive. I have been travelling up on a Saturday morning, and stay in the family home until Tuesday evening every week when I drive back sount and work in London Weds - Friday.
I manage everything from the finances to the weekly shop to managing the relationship with the care company.
Mum has had a number of spells in Respite and each stay has been positive, with her being brighter, more engaged, and physically stronger. The last spell for 3 weeks in June, she put on 5lbs. I put it down to being around others, the social activities, and eating with other people. Her Home carers thought she looked and acted a different person - like she’d been on holiday.
But she vehemently said ‘don’t leave me here’.
However, since she has come home 6 weeks ago, she has gone backwards signficantly, and has lost 7lbs in weight.
I think she might be depressed - her days are sitting on her own watching a TV channel that has been put on for her. It would depress anyone.
I genuinely believe now, having seen her latest decline, and having seen the positive impacts her last two stays have had - that a care home is the best place for her - to simply be around others.
I think we’ve reached that point.
So I’m organising another spell in respite at a place she stayed at last year and jokingly said ‘can I stay’ upon leaving. This particular care home was full up for the last stint so I wasn’t able to take her back there. But they have room now.
Ironically my life will become more complicated as the family home will need to be sold and I will lose the base to stay - I still want to see her several days a week, she’s all I’ve got - but I’ll work around that somehow.
Ideally, I’d like to try and persuade Mum to want to stay in the home - but I’m not sure how - and to take it from there.
Alternatively, could I use the LPA to make that decision on her behalf?
Question
In both scenarios what practical steps would I need to follow to ‘cross over’ Mum into a care home? Most notably with social services?
Do I pick up the phone and say - by the way Mum is staying at XXX now? Or I have decided she needs to move into XXX?
Do I need their permission? Can they stop any move? If she says she wants to come home, do they have to assess her mental capacity? What actually happens?
I understand there is a notional 12 week disregard on selling the house, and then a deferred payment can be actioned if selling takes a while.
Again actually happens?
Any information/advice would be enormously helpful.
Many thanks.