Our life has hit a brick wall

I am 27 years old and my partner is 26.
My partner, who I have been with for 5.5 years, developed a still undiagnosed chronic pain condition nearly 3 years ago. He has been unable to work or drive since developing it. The pain radiates around his groin. He is constantly in pain, even when sitting doing nothing. He uses a crutch to walk for support. He takes two types of morphine, pregabalin, amitriptyline and sertraline but he is still in agony.
All of our friends are becoming engaged and/or pregnant, while we are both still living at our family homes, separate. We cannot move forward on my measly salary.
Everything we do only seems to highlight what he can’t do. Every suggestion I have he can’t do. Any activity, any form of exercise, he can’t do it. Anytime we try to look for somewhere to go on holiday there’s no point, because we’d just be doing the same things we do at home but somewhere else. I’m crying while I write this. He’s attempted suicide before which I’m completely traumatised by and he frequently talks about ending his life if this doesn’t improve.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help him. Please, if you have ANY advice, please share.
Thank you.

Hi Rebecca. I feel so sorry for you and your partner. It’s terrible that his condition is still undiagnosed.
Did his pain come on suddenly or was it more gradual?
Is the skin red and sore?
Has he got any other health problems?
Has he had antibiotics?
Is the pain worse when he passes water?

Hello Rebecca welcome to the forum

I’m sorry to hear about your partners’ condition, that sounds like a lot to cope with for both of you. I’m sure there are other forum members on here who can relate to this and offer support.

Have a look through our help and advice pages and check you’re getting all the support and help you can:

Best wishes


Hi Rebecca,
Is your husband getting any support from a specialist?
Did you see the programme this week about a group of specialists working to diagnose people with unknown conditions? Really interesting, but maybe you need to push for more scans etc. to at least work out the root cause of his pain.
Having had my knees ruined in a car accident, and hobbled around for years with a stick I know just how depressing the constant pain was. Happily I’ve now had two knee replacements, now pain free.

Most hospitals have a pain clinic, they are experts at pain management, there may be better medication or other methods of controlling pain.
I have heard of surgical implants to control pain
Chronic pain affects all aspects of your life, it affects sleep which in turn makes everything worse, its a viscous circle.

Chronic pain day after day no one understands and yes you do feel miserable and suicidal.

Your partner needs to see the GP, ask for a referral to the pain clinic, and ask for a referral to mental health services, your partner is clearly very depressed and fed up, as what happens with chronic pain, very debilitating.
Sorry if you have already done this but chronic pain needs to be diagnosed and managed properly.