Need someone to listen(read)

where to start

my partner of 20 years, suffers from multiple problems, depression, chronic cluster headaches, botched surgery that has led to bladder issues. problems with lower discs which again causes bladder issues, gall stones, kidney problems,
those are the highlights.
She also lost her lifetime awarded disability claim when it changed to PIP and despite numerous attempts we cant get them to see how bad the chronic cluster headaches affect her life. ( these will take 45-60 mins to happen then knock her out for 4-6 hours, it is not uncommon for her to have another straight after. please google before commenting on the CCH)
At the moment she can not move without being in pain, just getting from bed to toilet is enough to make her cry.
the list of medication she is on is long and the pain management is not working.
She has so many things that need sorting that it is hard to know which to talk to the doctors about.
Unless we get one doctor at her surgery it is a waste of time…
At the moment we are sure she has a bladder infection, skin problems and other minor health issues.
we are also waiting to hear from hospital about kidney stone and lower discs
She is not taking care of herself in anyway or form, i have to check if she has eaten, taking tablets plus other stuff

I have just returned to work after being off with depression, but i can feel myself slowly being pulled back to the dark place.
Tonight i sit in front of my computer wondering how i am going to muster the will power to carry on.
I know i need help and am getting support from my family.
but we need real help. someone other than me to be there for her.

I feel the solution to get her problems looked into and get her on the road to recovery is to dump her at hospital entrance with a notice around her neck “do not return unless fixed”

thanks for listening

Hi David

There’s no doubt about it, caring drains you, especially when the rest of the world just doesn’t get it. You’ll find quite a few of us are in a similar situation, or have been at some time in our journey as carers, so you’re definitely not alone.

Practical help is always an issue. This page may be helpful in giving you some ideas: Help and advice | Carers UK

But I think you actually need to talk to someone who can discuss your options for getting help, so I suggest you try the Helpline: the telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact the Helpline staff by email (

thanks for reply and listening

Hi David,

Welcome to the forum!

You’re not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. I hope that you find the Carers Forum a supportive network for you. Please reach out to your GP if you do feel you need support for your mental health as your wellbeing is also important. It must be very frustrating and upsetting for you to see your partner suffering so much. But please know that Carers UK is here to help support you in your caring role.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:
Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK
Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK

Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by

They also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:

Benefits and financial support
Your rights as a carer in the workplace
Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions

Best wishes


I wish I had some wise words that could change the situation for you. I don’t know if this is possible as I’m very new to all this, but can your GP support a request to the council for a Needs Assessment from a social worker? They might be able to put you in touch with the right people to help fill the forms out in order to get the right level of support from PIP as well as accessing other services that might be useful.

Sending you loads of strength.