Not sure where to start

I have been a member for a while and get the emails but really had a thought today about asking for help, i’m not one to be afraid to ask but sometimes it takes a while to actually do it…!
My husband and i have been married for almost 7 years, together for 11 and he has suffered with a bad back for years as a result of moving a fruit machine, had operations, steriods injected, more recently had broken his tib and fib and has a rod and pins in his leg, plus a bowel that cannt process things normally so is forever on laxatives but strong pain meds which dont work as they should won’t help that.
Aa his carer, which i guess i am, it does get me some days, he has home aids for the toilet and kitchen, he can’t even hug me properly as standing in one position like that is too painful, never mind proper intimacy, its reached the point in the past where i have spoken to other men in my past who i have been friends with for years to make me feel a little better and a sense of normality, one went a little closer than it should and my hubby found out, i realised i was wrong but then he wasn’t to blame either
Sometimes its so hard going from day to day with no intimacy, hardly sharing a bed as one will disturb the other, i tend to toss and turn which doesnt help, i just miss the old us i guess, we talk constantly so thats not the issue but theres no touchy feely as his ability to want any kind of intamacy has gone with the meds he takes, just needed to get it written down i guess but it would be good to know that im not alone…!

Hi Ali,

It sounds like you are going through a stressful and emotional situation which has been affecting you for a significant amount of time. Its great you have reached out to the Carers UK forum. You’re not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support.

Carers UK run online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to. If you are interested, you can register using the below links:
Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK
Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK

Carers UK can also be contacted via our Telephone Helpline on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

Best Wishes,