Iam 47 years old and I cared for my wife who died on november the 6th 2019 she was also 47.
I married my wife 20 years ago on november the 6th 1999 time went by and in 2008 she was struck dow with encephalitis which damaged her brain she became totally dependent on me and I became her full time carer time went by and in 2015 encephalitis happened again and it damaged her brain even further but this time it destroyed her memories both long term and short term and even more unable to do the most basic things.
Time went by and on november the 6th 2019 20 years to the day my wife and I were married she died eventually of heart failure as she also had a string of other serious health problems .
With that said in all I had been my wifes caregiver for 13 years I put my life on hold to care for her full time .
Now those days are over and now I need help of a system that I saved thousands upon thousands of pounds for.
I’ve been totally abandoned in principle and in practical help and iam very very angry with how the social system is treating me now i need help myself .
Iam so out of touch with this universal credit rent rebates council tax bedroom tax it goes on and on .
My wife was the only source of income we both had in 13 years I admit I did recieve a carers allowance for £62 on a monday only.
I tried to get help with cremation costs and my local authority has turned me down and I am penniless I managed to beg my brother who is 10 years younger than I am because luckily he was working and he loaned me the full amount I need to cremate my wife which was £2,795 thank god .
The first attempt to ask dwp for help with funeral costs the claim forms got lost in the post but luckily like I’ve said above my younger brother came to my rescue thank God .
Since november all I’ve done is been fobbed of passed about and given different phone numbers that has almost fill an a4writing pad which were of no help to me at all in order to recoup the funeral cost back for my brother but also like I’ve said above I dont have any money at all and I need to eat and keep my council bungalow so I now find myself on universal credit which is so hard to u understand especially trying to get the DWP to speak to our council about my right to rent rebates etc it goes on and on .
I eventually found myself at our local job centre and yo cut a very complicated story short or to be honest the main reason is because I still havent got a clue what it’s all about and I was given an advance payment of £781 which most of it went to the council for rent.
That said I get my second universal payment on the 25th of december but in the background iam still fighting to recoup the cremation costs back to repay my brother his out of pocket expenses for my wifes cremation .
I looked at the Gov information page again on thier internet site and it clearly says you do not have to be in receipt of social benefits to claim funeral expenses
I tried again to claim the cremation costs for my wifes cremation again in order to pay my brother back .
yesterday I recieved another knock back for the funeral costs of the dwp so I goes on the phone which is about to be cut of aswell as I cant pay the bill and they said it was because I didnt recieve any kind of benefits which as I’ve already said above the gov web page clearly says you dont need to be claiming any social benefits to be entitled to the money to help cover costs .
So a quick recap on events I now claim universal credit and iam due another payment on the 25th of december so I was In receipt of a social benefit this time which like I’ve already said i didnt need to be to recieve help with cost and the dwp sent me a letter saying otherwise and that I wasnt entitled to help .
Iam broke I’ve been passed about iam exhausted after 13 years without a single day of in all that time and I havent got a single clue about how society works or in the complicated social system that’s got me feeling suicidal I need someone to care for me now ,now I need help establish my self in order to keep myself above the water.
I went to my doctors because I couldnt sleep with worry over everything and he give me a fit note for 3 months which iam going to extend for as long as its possible or I am going to harm myself iam a nervous wreck and the shame of not being able to pay my brother back is overwhelming for me
Can somebody help me at all with this horrible treatment iam recieving.
And please dont give me more phone numbers that lead nowhere unless you can pay my phone bill
Hi Norman … welcome to an extremely quiet forum as I type.
A sorry state of affairs to say the very least ?
You are grieving over the loss of your wife and walked straight into the minefield known as the benefit system … and Universal Credit.
No phone numbers … just two links for expert advice on the way forward.
Citizens Advice Bureau / Carers UK Advice team … either with walk you through the current maze :
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support-and-advice/carer-disability-benefits/how-to-contact-the-carers-uk-adviceline-24147 ( Best by email.)
Housing … a council rented bungalow ?
( The dreaded bedroom tax now a factor ? )
Either can help you here … a claim for housing benefit through Universal Credit … if you haven’t already done so.
A Council Tax discount looks on the cards as well.
There is help out there Norman … my advice is to take it.
Either the CAB or CUK Advice Team are there to help YOU.
( In many ways , like stepping into quicksand … the longer you leave grabbing that rope , the deeper you sink ? )
Good afternoon Norman
So sorry for your loss! Condolences.
Do we assume you have or are going to claim the following…
lots of reading.
How your bereavement benefits affect other benefits
If you are getting Bereavement Support Payment it will not affect your other benefits for a year. After then, the income you get from it will be taken into account for means-tested benefits including:
Tax Credits
Universal Credit
Income Support
Incapacity Benefit
Jobseeker’s Allowance
Carer’s Allowance
Employment and Support Allowance
The lump sum you get as part of Bereavement Support Payment might count as savings when your entitlement to some means-tested benefits is worked out.
This will only be if you have any of the lump sum left over after 12 months that takes you over the savings limit of £6,000 for means-tested benefits.
This means you you might see a reduction in any of these benefits you might be getting:
Income Support
Housing Benefit
Income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance
Employment and Support Allowance
Universal Credit
To find out more about how other benefits might be affected, contact the Bereavement Service, which is run by the Pension Service of the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP):
I think you best bet if you wish to avoid phone calls. Is to make an appointment with
Citizen advise …
Talk to us online
Chat lets you talk to a trained adviser online. You can:
talk to us about any other kind of problem - we can usually help between 10am and 4pm, Monday to Friday
I have used on line contact it’s very straight forward.
Hi Norman.
I am so sorry for the loss of your wife and for how difficult things have been for you since your loss. I am not surprised you feel lost and low and let down.
PLEASE if you feel suicidal contact the Samaritans - call 116 123. They are there to talk to 24/7.
Norman, there is a forum on the internet for those who have lost a partner.
I was widowed in 2006, and joined Way Up for the over 50’s. I think the organisation for under 50’s is called Way Foundation or something similar. You will find it really helpful.
Have you sorted out the Bereavement Payments?