NHS Nurse Nothing To Do With Me

Talked to a nurse a while ago before Corona etc, about my caree having a real bad time, has multiple physical health issues and mental health problems.

That my caree needs a lot more treatment help and support, co ordinated care.

There’s all this No Health Without Mental Health campaigns.

That people with chronic long term health issues are more likely to suffer Mental health issues and Vice Versa.

The nurse said very helpfully, that It’s nothing to do with her.

But I thought Nurses were supposed to make sure patients get the right care.

Now my caree is having a crisis and may end up in hospital costing the NHS money.

Again there is supposed to be early intervention, if that nurse had acted, helped a bit then this crisis could

have been avoided.

Sorry I keep moaning on, fed up to the back teeth of all these health professionals who just

aren’t caring for their patients properly.

The NHS and NICE are producing all these rules and regs and the staff are just ignoring them.

There is supposed to be joined up care, all organisations are supposed to be working together.

But they just seem to pass the buck, blame someone else.

Just fed up with it all.

Couldn’t agree more. Another one for Michael to discuss with his team.

Yes, I agree with Londonbound, I’m still on the same page myself with my son.

The Nursing and Therapies Directorate have been delaying and obstructing the complaints I have already had to make, about services my son has not been receiving. I have outstanding matters that haven’t yet been dealt with. Some nearly a year old and other complaints, many years old.

And some that have never been dealt with decades ago.

When chasing these matters up with the complaints manager, I have found myself ignored and then delayed from getting a response for a further 12 days. I shouldn’t have had to chase these up. Not when the complaints were already in the system.

When I did get the latest response, it consisted of continuing to ignore and then making the suggestion that the nurse had been in ‘regular’ contact and if I had further concerns to ‘let her know’ so she could log them.

The fact that the nurse has been in contact just 3 times since she was allocated and only in the last 3 weeks, to me, that doesn’t really add up to ‘regular’ contact.

It’s hardly been any regular contact until 3 weeks ago, and I had to instigate that contact, in the first place. What her contact with me, has to do with my previous complaints that weren’t addressed before this nurse came into the picture, I really don’t know.

All I know is, delaying tactics are in place and are being used, by this particular complaints manager, who has obviously been told to delay and ignore. It hasn’t been very helpful indeed. If my complaints had been dealt with, then maybe my son wouldn’t be suffering from uncontrolled epilepsy and having a terrible quality of life because of it.

I would have thought that the nursing therapies directorate, would have been interested in resolving issues, with my son’s health. Why they have been so dismissive just really proves a wish, for the continuation, of the very same problems. Something I have tried to avoid, but haven’t been able to, and that is due to the manner the whole thing is being handled, and that is via the ignoring method.

I’m not even sure, complaints regarding the inactivity of consultants should have been sent, in this direction to be resolved by the nursing thrapies directorate and that is perhaps why these serious matters, are totally being disregarded, and constantly overlooked.

I have brought the matter up, to the nurse recently, who’s had 3 phone contacts with me. While she has verbally acknowledged the matter, and noted where I’m coming from, not much seriousness has come out as an outcome, so far, and it seems that I’m wasting my time even mentioning anything to her.

The nurse should have some influence, but it’s just not the case or not a lot. Not compared to over-riding a consultant who is determined to take the haughty stance of delay and ignoring, at the same time, while my son gets no positive treatment( or any review of his medications). Allocated consultants of this kind are taking advantage of the ‘referral’ route and it’s known extreme delay.

It is ‘the lazy route’ which then allows a consultant to ignore what is going on now, whilst endlessly waiting for a referral to another specialist, which can not take place because of the presentation of my son’s complex medical problems and disabilities.

3 and a half years, is an awfully long time to be waiting for the matter to be properly looked into. 15 years is an awfully long time to have been waiting for a referral in the first place. One that’s been delayed, on a lifetime basis, and it still ongoing for my son at 34 and a half.

Of course, it’s not acceptable.

It’s not acceptable, on so many levels, and more especially on the level of a poor ‘quality of life’ caused through the unreasonably long delays and the ideas of ignoring in-between.

It wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t affecting every aspect of my son’s life, but it is and there is still a total disregard being shown and acted upon.

I had asked, over a long period of time, for a total change in the area team division, as they call it, for my son. In the hope, he’d get seen quickly and sorted out, and so I didn’t have to rely on ‘luck’ in getting through the day.

That hasn’t happened, as ‘war’ was created, many decades ago, regarding the ‘not listening’ brigade and the perpetual ignoring of what I had to say, and then the result of the ‘leaving the massive problem with me, to cope with’.

It’s not supposed to be that way, but clearly that element is still prevalent, in terms of the here and now.

It is destructive, in the way of stabilising my son. It appears that it is chosen to ignore the level of intensity, and indeed the situation completely. Very much a backward move towards assisting my son. One that’s been in action for a number of decades.

Change is needed, for the sake of my son who’s suffering so badly.

What I don’t need, is a barrage of ‘bandwagon’ jumping professionals, who are also using the situation of their making, to their advantage and not to his.

This often repeats itself, in the form of ‘stupid questions’ mainly at meetings. Where professionals ask stupid questions pretending they have no idea of the intensity of the care needs of my son. Normally this type of questioning is for one purpose only and that is to cut care and avoid allocations.

It also causes anguish, worry, and uncertainty, which can’t be resolved easily, and has created the fear of being left in an unmanageable situation. That fear has proved to be warranted, in the past. With actions taken, regardless of what has been said.

Actions taken to ignore to leave my son, in a position of extreme distress during seizure activity, that is so gross that one day it could kill him.

And it’s not just his distress as it’s mine also. Mine in the way of having to witness my own son’s destruction through neglect by the medical professionals. It is harrowing and grossly upsetting, also in the knowledge of realising I can not do a thing about it.

I have recently asked his so-called ‘new’ consultant allocation for immediate help…to find myself remaining completely and totally ignored.

I spent 4 hours researching my carees issues, I printed out a leaflet and gave it to her, she was just amazed, that leaflet described her medical issues exactly.

Without treatment for depression and anxiety, the condition will get worse, that’s what the leaflet said.

My caree has been diagnosed with clinical depression, shoved on antidepressants, are these antidepressants working, are they the right dose, no one is monitoring.
I remember I took her to get diagnosed almost 20 years ago now.
Got a diagnosis, was just told on the telephone, no help or support, no leaflet, no treatment, no support group, no help with benefits.
20 years later, life has moved on, medical science has moved on, more knowledge about conditions.

But how do we access these new treatments and support?

I have M.E. Chronic fatigue, for years I was told there was nothing they could do.

One day I went to get a part for my car and saw an NHS M.E./CFS clinic at the hospital just around the corner.

I talked to my GP , I talked to Pals, I talked to everyone who insisted that there was nothing that could be done for M.E.
But there’s an NHS clinic about 20 miles away.
NOT 10,000 miles, 20 miles away but the GP was insistent that NOTHING they could do, the flock of sheep he had, his staff couldn’t disagree with him that wouldn’t be right.

I still get tired/exhausted, don’t sleep, get pain, all the symptoms of M.E. AND I am an unpaid carer but no help support for my illness or my unpaid caring role.
I can get help and support caring for someone with M.E. but I am an unpaid carer with M.E. , you can just see them scratching their heads err um what do we do?

I have been told I can complain about my GP, but is it the GP or the bolshy consultant I saw or Social Services or the carers centre, why aren’t all these people sorting out treatment, help and support, information.

It is 2020 we know about illness’s but we have to see a doctor who has probably never met you before and has never heard of the condition, to get treatment, information and support.

And what good, complaints, you wait for months get a load of waffle back.

You have a carers assessment explain that you are looking after carees with multiple health conditions, there is nothing they can do.
There is treatment, there is support, there is medication that can’t cure but will help.

But we are denied it all like naughty children, you have been bad you can’t have some sweets.

These people have peoples life’s in their hands, their decisions are make or break for their patients, a yes means a better life.

A no means a lifetime of pain, depression, unhappiness and eventually suicide.

They have these meetings, conferences, strategys to make things better, does it?

A 10 minute consultation with a doctor just isn’t enough to deal with multiple health issues.

We should all have a named Care Co Ordinator who will help and advise and support.

Who will fight for us to get the treatment, help and support desperately needed.

Is it really a Nurse’s responsibility?

Surely it’s up to a Doctor to decide on care/treatment for patients and up to a Nurse to provide that care or treatment.

I expect you are correct Ajay. It may be difficult to track the doctor down to speak with them. And has a carer the right to speak to the doctor about a career? Or vis versa? So much for a circle of caring.

Been looking at the Standards of care nursing and midwifery council.

Not sure if am allowed to copy and paste.

They help you to access the care and support you need. But it says the nurse must think about your wellbeing as well as treatment and care.

They should raise concerns if you are at risk vulnerable or in need of extra support and protection.

So a patient who as well seeing the nurse for physical health issues, what if they are suffering from depression, risk of suicide.

Should the nurse act, make sure the patient is getting treatment help and support for depression?

What if its a mental health nurse, seeing someone with a lot of physical health problems, should they act make sure the patient is getting the help they need?

A person with long term chronic health issues can get depressed, isolated as the newspapers say being isolated is as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

What if a patient is suffering domestic violence, should the nurse report it, help the patient? or again is it nothing to do with the nurse?
A nurse might be the only person you see regularly, should they raise concerns with Social Services if an elderly person is clearly not coping at home?

All these issues who should be helping?

Yes, that’s right Londonbound.
A nurse is also ‘the first port of call’. It is the responsibility of an allocated nurse to pass on concerns to a consultant. So that does make the nurse responsible but not for the further actions of doctors. However, a nurse is also part of a team, and being so, is part of the overall responsibility of that team, to ensure the client and carer get the assistance they need. The problem is, nurses more often than not, just go along with what they are told to do, and if that means being involved but ignoring, that is what they do.

In theory anyone with health and social care has a TEAM of professionals caring for them, which is co ordinated at the point of delivery is one person sorting things out., but it never happens. With doctors charge of their budgets, every referral costs their practice money. Same with Social Services, they are struggling to make ends meet and are making contracts with providers without any understanding of what a contract involves! So they just keep shuffling patients/clients round the system. So frustrating!

It’s an uncaring statement to make anyway. " Nothing to do with me" A kinder way of wording, would surely be more professional regardless.

District Nurses used to be part of the practice, so it was easy to say to the doctor that they were concerned about x, could the doc consider how to help? Now the nurses work from a group office. It may be easier for them but it doesn’t help the patient, especially if the buses office has a receptionist taking all calls!!!


Should have said I can’t help with that, but I know who can.

Too many people have a dont care attitude

Or else I find they pretend to be interested and caring and then do nothing.

Basically comes down in the end to the ignoring method Maine describes.

I notice from another post “had brilliant support from a heart specialist nurse” and that’s what my carees need.

For someone to take an interest, find solutions, give advice, help support.

Yes Cloudygal, I can’t help but know a man or woman that can.

The hospitals just can’t deal with long term chronic multiple illness patients send them home assuming Social services

will provide all the extra support needed, they won’t and don’t.

But “it is nothing to do with the hospital” they just want the bed back.

I asked a nurse at the hospital about a carers assessment when my friend was in, you guessed it It’s nothing to do with the Hospital, ask social services, they said the hospital should have arranged a carers assessment as part of the discharge plan.

So many people have said nothing to do with me, the GP when I asked about help for unpaid carers.

The NYCC carers strategy says your GP is a useful source of information and advice.

No he’s not, he’s a grumpy old so and so, again NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

But I am looking after his patients, and I am, my carees go to his GP surgery.

Unpaid carers are supposed to be recognised, valued and supported by the NHS and Social services.

It doesn’t take much to give us a leaflet for the local carers centre, a 10 minute bit of advice and information.

Perhaps there should be an unpaid carer centre in every hospital, right at the front brightly lit and well signed.

To help and support baffled and confused relatives when their loved one has been rushed into hospital.

But No when I ask, it’s nothing to do with me, again I should get some T-shirts printed for all these staff.

“NOTHING TO DO WITH ME” in bright colours to save people asking.

It was national carers week last week, I didn’t see anything in the newspapers about unpaid carers.

I buy quite a few magazines for one of my carees, nothing in them either.

Normally there are displays in town, a table and a load of leaflets in a supermarket but nothing.

Maybe because of Corona but unpaid carers need more help than normal in this crisis time.