Newbie looking for a friendly ear or two

Hi Everyone,

Just like to say hello. Finding things very tough at the moment and looking for ways to cope. I look after an 84 year old (85 soon) with a whole raft of health problems, in and out of furlough , lockdown and awful neighbours. Dr has said “go on forums” which was a massive help. Council / SS not much better, so I am giving this a go before I go completely insane. Thanks for listening.

Welcome to the forum.

When did your caree last have a needs assessment, and you, a Carers Assessment, from Social Services?
Apart from age, is it the physical or mental infirmity you struggle with most? Or the lack of freedom to do what you want without getting approval first??

Hi There,

Thanks for your reply.
I asked our council today if I could have some help with regards to getting a social worker to meet me and Mum. Basically told everything is on hold for lockdown, respite will not be available etc. etc and my doctor just echoed lockdown and said “there’s plenty of support sites online, go on one of the or Carers UK”. Not much help. I don’t know what else to do. Mum has had a wet room installed, some mobility assessments (she REFUSED a stairlift) and a community alarm system. She has some vision aids which only slightly help as she has diabetic retinopathy. I don’t drive

I have been managing really well. up until now. The past few weeks have been awful however with a neighbor who insists on slamming and banging (DIY) all through the night (although that has eased off) and they have now very kindly installed a basketball ring so their kids can slam a ball against it and our shared living room wall all weekend, using the “its just kids playing” quote.

I just feel rung out, weepy and very dark at times. Mum is loving lockdown (she doesn’t want to go out anyway) so she has me all day working from home with her, so we naturally get on each others wick! I have worked hard on a garden all lockdown that she doesn’t go out in or want to go out in now we have neighbour problems. I would love, just once or twice a year for a little weekend away respite. I’d pay too! But that seems like it would never happen. My sister just runs off to her caravan every weekend and my brother lives 30 miles away.

Sorry to moan and ramble on. Just at the end of my rope this week. It’s one of those “black times” I think.

The one absolute imperative, is to get some time alone doing exactly what you want to do for a couple of hours each day, preferably out of the house, where you can’t possibly:- “just do this for me

That will go a long way towards maintaining your sanity.

I go out for a walk in the New Forest most afternoons, I really couldn’t cope without that.

Hi Krav girl 74, really sorry to hear things are difficult at the moment and any potential help is on hold for the time being, that sounds very frustrating.

As Ajay said, it’s really important to try and take some time for yourself where you can. We are running series of online meet ups for carers to come together and have an informal friendly chat over a cup of tea. It’s helpful to realise you’re not alone. Details here:

There are also carer events running all over the nation during this Carers Week, you can search the Carers Week website and see what’s happening in your area:

Best wishes


Welcome to the forum Krav Girl 74. We also have a group of trained Caring Caller volunteers who provide check-in phone calls to members.

More information can be found here:

If you think this would be beneficial, please let me know and I can arrange for one of our Caring Callers to give you a call

Thanks all.

I’m going to try and get out for a few hours here and there and give the hangouts a try. Will be nice to see some friendly faces who understand what it’s like. :slight_smile:

Can you tell us a bit more about your door slamming neighbour?

My son with LD lives in a privately rented flat, with carer support. He had problems with one particular tenant, pleasant while sober, parties till 3am with his mates. As my son counts as a “vulnerable adult” the police became involved, as the rules are different for disabled people. The tenant was made to leave early, contract cancelled!!