New to the Group

Hi my name is Jackie. I am new to the group. I live and care for my sister who has dementia. I have been coping with the situation for approx 3 years now. Her husband helps a little but he is not in the best of health and has mobility issues. My sister wont stay at home and goes in and out of the house up tp 10 times a day. I work full time and currently work from home. If l go out without her she gets distressed and comes looking for me. Do the wandering stage pass. I have to attend a meeting in the office in the next few weeks and am worried.

Tell us more. I take it she has not had a care needs assessment.

Hi Jackie and welcome,

It must be very difficult WFH whilst supervising your sister.

I don’t have experience of caring for someone with dementia - but others will and they should be along to give advice.

In the meantime, if you haven’t come across this already, it might be helpful It covers wandering as well as moving about.

Does your sister get any support through social services?


Hi Jackie

I don’t have any experience of except that a neighbours wife and this isn’t good news for you, she would go walkabout in the summer back to where she grew up looking for her parents, then came winter and dark nights on walkabouts, she was eventually placed in a home because it wasn’t safe, risks of being run over on country roads and getting hypothermia.

A friend’s mother had dementia, I can’t begin to imagine how heartbreaking it is.

I hope there will be some solutions offered by others.
I’m wondering if there is a day centre for dementia that she could go to when you have your meeting.

My mum in law and sister in law both ended up in secure accommodation. SIL would go shopping and then forget where her home of 30 years was. So sad, they were both such organised women in their day.

You have to concentrate on what mum NEEDS, not just immediately, but going forward. Try to find somewhere that she can stay for the rest of her life. The term often used is EMI. Elderly Mentally Infirm.

My lovely husband had a thirst to learn. A very intelligent man. Much more than me! He then had mini strokes a major one and then vascular dementia with other health issues. He needed to go into a nursing home. Not what our family or myself wanted
( who does). We had to let our heads rule not hearts for his safety and mine to be honest. His consultant strongly advised he should be cared for in a nursing home. Very much loved and we did what was best for him. Not without guilt at times and with a heavy heart. We eventually learned to care manage. Anything we felt wasn’t right we ensured it was sorted.