I have recently joined the forum and thought I would introduce myself. Apologies in advance for the essay.
I live in North London and have an elderly 83 year old mother that I care for who currently lives about 30 miles away. My father passed away approximately 3 years ago following which my mother was left living on her own. He maintained the home and the finances and was responsible for all of her appointments, benefits, care services (private), etc and she was very dependent upon him.
I have since been left with the main responsibility for all of those things and I must say it has not been easy. My mother has mobility issues and is also partially deaf in both ears. Over the years she has had a number of medical conditions and has had many operations. Whilst living independently, she can also be quite needy. All her external affairs - medical, financial, residential, care services (to help her bathe each morning), utilities, etc - are all passed on to me to deal with. Whilst my mother can speak English, she chooses not to have the discussions with GPs etc and simply passes my number on to them. She has always relied on my father to do these things and so I accept it is just an automatic reaction to deflect these matters on to me.
I have two siblings, neither of whom can really help. One lives abroad and the other lives in the North if England and has her own health issues as well as a child with special needs. She does try and assist with regards to some of my mother’s medical administration activities but it is a small amount of the overall effort involved. So really, I am the only one who is left to look after her. On top of that my mother is now becoming quite frail and forgetful which is becoming a concern for all. We are constantly having to check in on her and have had to install cameras to make sure that she is safe and hasn’t had a fall etc.
The covid-19 pandemic has also meant that she does not get the visitors she used to. I think this is affecting her mentally as her sole physical interaction is with people who are providing her with a service as opposed to friends and family who will sit and reminisce about the past, etc.
Ideally I would like to move my mother closer to me. If I can do this, I would have the help of my wife, my sister-in-law and a number of relatives who also live in the local area. It would also make looking after my mother much easier as I could be with her within 10 mins as opposed to a 1 hour drive.
Once she is living locally, I could then start the ball rolling with moving everything else such as her GP, Dentist, benefits, etc. At the moment, I just feel really overwhelmed with trying to understand how I go about doing this?
My understanding is that to switch her care services, etc she needs to have a permanent address in the borough.
I read that her current council would then work with the new council to switch her care services and these should be uninterrupted.If true, this would be great.
I have applied for her to receive sheltered housing and she is on a list with approximately 150 people in front of her. assuming that she is accepted. I am not holding my breath and while I feel that this would be best for her given her age and medical concerns, I am sure she will not want to move into sheltered housing. We do have the option of renting however, rent is not cheap where I live and any housing benefit she may receive would not cover the rent so she would have to cover the remainder (with the help of myself and my siblings maybe). We would also expect a long term tenancy as it would not be fair to upheave her again.
We have looked into the prospect of her moving in with us, but this would not be practical as we are limited on space and my house layout is not really suitable for her.
If anyone has any thoughts of how I can move her or better still, experience of having done this before I would appreciate any guidance.