New to caring need advice please

My mum has been in hospital for over 3 weeks - she will get NHS funded care package whenever she comes home.I have been living with dad for last month as he is 90 with vascular dementia, I have to be with him 24/7 so have had to take time off work.I do not have POA ( mum was resistant to setting it up for dad) Am I allowed to organise some self funded care at home for him without POA? I anticipate he will be resistant to me getting some help in but I can’t go on as we are for much longer.Thanks for any advice.

Hello & welcome Louise

You have a lot on your plate sorting one parent tough two overload.

Firstly, you would be better to get an assessment done by social service. Once you start sorting care and paying. Social Services would be in no hurry if your at a later wanted them to intervene.

Even when Mum comes home do you really think she will be able to manage Dad.

Dear Louise _2203
Hi. I am an online community host volunteer for Carers UK and I am sorry to hear about your predicament. I am sure that with this forum you will find the advice and help that you need. Carers UK also have a telephone number you can ask for advice and i will give you the telephone number below.
So welcome to the forum! You are not alone in your caring role and i am sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and will offer you the support that you need. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.
Carers UK are running two online weekly meet ups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at Care For A Cuppa:-Online meetups | Carers UK. Then there is a second online weekly meet up and the meeting is called Share And Learn and you can register here at:-Share and Learn | Carers UK.
As mentioned our telephone number for Carers UK is 0808 808 7777. The line is open Monday to Friday at the hours of 9am-6pm. Our email address is (
They provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits And Financial Support
-Your Rights As A Carer In The Workplace
-Carers Assessments And How To Get Support In Your Caring Role
-Services Available To Carers And The People You Care For
-How To Complain Effectively And Challenge Decisions.
Best Wishes