New Member - Need Advise please

Morning All, I am currently my wife’s carer and am looking for any advice anyone may have.

I currently work full time and my wife is currently signed off with complex PTSD following a childhood trauma, she herself has been signed off since the beginning of the year. She has just started edmr therapy, following years of unsuccessful therapy etc. We have two young boys, no support network bar my sister in law.

I have been signed off twice this year for stress, this is linked to my own anxiety issues which I am being treated for (this has been there since childhood). Also, as well as being signed off I have had many occasions where I needed to take days off etc to look after things at home.

So, I am really worried about money, how my employer hasn’t sacked me by now I’ll never know. I was due to return today after 3 weeks away but unable due to my wife’s reaction to yesterday’s session and there will be one session a week. I have looked through possible benefits and we don’t qualify for any help. PIP may be an option but I know my wife is not capable of standing up to being interrogated.

Has anyone been in the same boat? Any advise would be very much appreciated.


I don’t have any advice, but didn’t want to read and run. I am sure other’s will be along who might have better knowledge of the benefits system.

I don’t know if you have the sort of job where you could work from home? I find this a massive help with my mental health and juggling caring responsibilities. If it is the sort of job where you could work from home it is definitely worth a conversation with HR.

Best of luck, sounds like a really hard situation.

Hi Karl.

Not much I can add other than an online benefits calculator which will reveal the answers to one scenario … what would my financial predicament be IF I gave up work :

On the housing front … owner occupier ? … mortgage ? … tenant ? … social or b.t.l. ?

If needed , I can provide information to help you through that maze.

Thanks Sally, thanks for your reply. I am due to meet HR on Friday. I am able to work from home but it has been stressed that I need to be in the office. My contract runs out end of December so I need to keep them onside.

Morning Chris, thanks for the advice below. We rent privately but have been here longterm. Thank you, I haven’t given the calculator a go but i’ll do that. Moneys my biggest concern at this point, and trying to keep that worry away from my wife.

Thank you both, very much appreciated :slight_smile:

Your welcome.

Potential Housing Benefit if leaving work ?

The following thread will make " Interesting " reading … mind that gap ?

I don’t think it’s helpful to keep this away from your wife, you need to face both her situation and yours TOGETHER. Her illness has consequences for both of you.
First step must be getting some outside help for both of you, and deciding if it is realistic to keep your current job.
I would strongly recommend that you contact your local Social Services and ask for an urgent Carers Assessment (explain that you have problems at work due to caring). They should help.
Also as them to arrange counselling for you, specifically to discuss with someone neutral whether, long term, it is realistic to work at all?

Should it be needed , a guide to home care support services … what’s available and who provides them :

You might need to remind your employer that you are “disabled by association” and therefore they have a duty to “make reasonable adjustments” for you, in order to comply with the Equality legislation.

Thank you again Chris thats brilliant, thats given me a great starting point.

Thanks Bowlingbun, I had not thought to contact social services. To be fair I have been very lucky with my employer, i know previous companies I’ve worked for would of found a way to ship me out.

I’ll keep the forum updated, I’m sure we’re not the only ones in this situation !

Your welcome.

I have not read all the replays so apologies if I cut across any. I am in a similar situation. My wife went into care following an NHS failure leading to her getting an infection that affected her brain, she now is disabled and blind with mental impairment. Prior to this she was a director of a multinational company and a chartered engineer.

You can probably imagine how life changing that has been. Our finances were based on 2 director level salaries, for 6 years I struggled to cope, financially and with the stress constantly worried that I was not giving my best at work. Luckily I got through that, god knows how.

I now have my wife back home as she was physically and mentally deteriorating, I had to fund a lift and ceiling hoist for her and got a care package from CHC.

Regards PIP. Yes apply for it you don’t go through an interrogation, just fill in the forms. You will need a capacity assessment but that is not an ordeal.

I would also suggest that you request an advocate, again through the CHC, they will help by taking the pressure off you.

Hope that helps



CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare ?

Main thread :[b][/b]

An Advocate is handy but not always essential … as said thread reveals.


You are right but they can help. I spent best part of 5 yrs of my wife and I life trying to get my wife out of care and the advocate really helped me finally sort it. I am not saying it is the ultimate panacea.

Yep … given the price , far too many carers cannot afford to engage their services.

For many , even worse is when a social worker takes the lead … whole section on that aspect in the main thread.