New member, - caring for my dad


I am Neil, I care for 83 year old dad who has Parkinson’s and had a stroke a year ago. Finding it very difficult to be honest.

Hi Neil & welcome

What are you finding the most difficult. Are you caring on your own.

Thank you

Juggling it with full time work, pretty much on my own. My brother helps out but I am pretty much 24/7. He is ill at the moment which makes it harder. Just want his last year’s to have some quality.

Has dad had a needs assessment.

Dad is also entitled to Attendance allowance.

Attendance Allowance: Overview - GOV.UK Age UK can help with form filling etc.

Are you working full time from home. Or does that NOT apply to your employment.

You do need to get some help for Dad in the home. Or you will be ill and suffer a burn out. I know easier said than done.

Does Dad have any help with daily/weekly domestic - meals etc.

He hasn’t had a needs assessment. He has attendance allowance. I live with him so not sure what I qualify for, am working from home at the moment. Will look at the links you sent.

Thank you so much

Hello Neil and welcome to the forum

Sorry to hear you’re finding it difficult to care for your Dad at the moment, it’s nice your brother is helping you but it sounds like you all need a bit more support. In addition to the other links you’ve been sent, download our ‘Looking after someone’ guide, there’s lots of good information there:

If you’d like to chat with other carers online, we run weekly ‘care for a cuppa’ sessions where carers get together informally to take a bit of time for themselves and support each other. Feel free to join us:

Best wishes


Thank you so much

Think about what YOU have to do, and what “someone” can do.
I would suggest that you needed to keep an eye on finances, otherwise you should not be hands on carer, but make sure dad has the hands on care he needs, from Social Services.

I have failed. My dad is on the last stage of his journey. Devastated, his poor body cannot cope anymore. Going to be on my own. Can’t see a light at the end of the utter despair.

(((HUGS))) Neil, you haven’t failed.
Your dad is reaching the end of his journey through life.
Nothing any of us say or do can prevent a parent reaching the end of their life on Earth.
You have supported dad, given him, love, and care, and been there for him. Feel proud, not a failure.

I have now lost all four parents, brother, husband, and sister in law. I loved them all.
I now have a new life, it’s different of course. They live on in my heart.
Don’t be afraid of the future. There is lots out there waiting for you to discover.
Expect to feel very, very tired when dad has finally lost his battle.
When my mum died, she was so ill that I couldn’t wish her to have lived another hour unable to do any of the things she loved dearly. Try to think along those lines.
There are many of us here who have lost parents, if there is anything at all we can help with, just ask.

Thank you so much. My mum died 4 years ago and it was awful to see her slip away. I regret not having counselling. The future scares me. I lived with him and I am unclear what the future holds now.

Feel very sad about your situation. Don’t ever feel a failure! You have done your very best and more, for your Dad. I lost my husband 18months ago, after a long battle with vascular dementia and other complex issues. I too had times of thinking I could have done more for him, but I know realistically I couldn’t. The future, you will find that one day at a time, and even one task, phone call etc a day will be something. Each time I achieved something, my tension and anxiety dropped, very slightly, but it did.

I lost my husband suddenly. We met when I was 16, married at 19. We travelled the world together, ran our business together, played with our steam engines together, we were two halves of a whole.
Suddenly, I was on my own at 54.
I found a book called Starting Again by Sarah Litvinoff very helpful, designed primarity for divorcees, but so much was relevant to me. It’s usually on ebay for a few pounds, easy to read.
Keep a diary, for your eyes only, share your fears, hopes and dreams. Then look back on it later and you will see how much progress you are making.