Hi and thanks in advance for reading. Sorry, this might end up being a bit long!
My partner and me have been together for about eight years now. I knew going into the relationship that he had severe anxiety and Asperger’s and that he would need some support with those. I have neurodifferences of my own and anxiety, so I had a fairly good understanding of what he needed and we talked it all through early on.
Things have worked fairly well for both of us since then. Obviously, there have been some blips, but generally we played to each other’s strengths and weaknesses pretty well.
Last year, my partner became ill and ultimately ended up in hospital. We found out he has a chronic physical illness which is going to mean he needs a lot more support and at least one lot of surgery. Since then, his needs have obviously changed.
I’ve found myself in a position where I’m trying to run a small business, sort out issues with my late Mum’s estate (she died last year), take care of bills/house admin, help my partner with his physical needs and try to do enough housework and laundry to keep things liveable.
I’ve tried reaching out for help, but unfortunately my partner wants to tell people about his new condition in his own time and I’m trying to respect his decision. Those who are in the know just keep telling me to let some things go - like maybe leave the housework - but I’m literally doing the bare minimum we can get away with and still not get sick/evicted/run out of money to cover basics. I’m essentially estranged from my family at this point and my partner’s family seem to be actively avoiding us.
I feel so guilty for the way I’m feeling about it all - anger and resentment mainly, with a huge helping of self pity. I love my partner and I’ll absolutely support him through this and anything else, but I was a young carer to two unwell/disabled parents and never expected to have to do this all on my own again.
Add on top of that that I’m having my own health issues. I have ongoing issues with anaemia and have been fainting whilst trying to do things. I haven’t had time to even think about getting myself back to the doctor and I don’t have the luxury of taking it easy and looking after myself right now.
I’m not really looking for advice I don’t think - maybe a bit of sympathy and understanding from people going through similar. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my brain dump