Carer for Husband with severe anxiety and depression

Hi All,

I am on here for support as it is hard when you have lost the original person you fell in love with to mental illness, can nayone relate?

I often feel angry, frustrated, and that I have failed in some way (which I know is not true)

I think the most challenging part is knowing when the illness is speaking, and when your partner is unwell with self-neglect, anger and hurtful words, as they hate themselves and dont understand why someone wants to love them, which makes it sadder.

The isolation is immense for us carers, as I find family and friends do not understand. No one understands unless they are living it. I refuse to through the towel in. We will get there!

Hi Battling against it
I can only relate to your situation in a way.My lovely husband is in a nursing home because of strokes and vascular dementia. He is no longer the man I fell in love with 51+ years ago. Both the strokes and the dementia are taking him from me slowly. Feel I am failing him, abandoning him when l leave him and fight the guilt monster constantly. We are not to blame for the demise of our loved ones and have to remind ourselves of that. Yes, I get frustrated and cross. Less cross with him as it’s not his fault either. Cross and sad that our retirement is like this.
Others will be along with support and advice for you I’m sure.
My heart goes out to you

Hi Battlin
Yes there’s many of us.
I have not got time to say more now, but do recommend you search or browse the mental health threads in here.
You are not alone!

Perhaps MIND an ideal starting point … the leading , supporting , organisation in this specialised field :

Been on the block since 1946.


I know roughly what you mean - my wife has been there on and off for the last 20+ years.
There are many good times in there, but in my case the last 4 years have been pretty unrelenting.
Almost all the people I have met over they years have recovered.

Take care of yourself, first and foremost. I didn’t at one point and that made everything so much harder.
And find someone who will give you a hug every now and then - often when you least expect, but most need, it.
My friends still don’t understand, but I have found that keeping my own social life is critical to keeping a sense of perspective.

Over the years I have lurked on and off in here, and often all I wanted was to know that I wasn’t alone.

Most of all, I miss holding a hand. Strange how it is the little things that matter more…

We give virtual hugs on here (((hug))).
Maybe we need a handhold symbol too :bulb:

Welcome Just Enough. Hope the lurking has helped

You are definitely not the only one who has ended up in a ‘relationship’ and I use that term jokingly
With someone totally different from the person you fell in love with and married,
It is incredibly hard, sad and frustrating to be with a person who has changed so much and despite all you try to do can’t seem to respond.
You struggle through, trying to live ‘normally’, running out of excuses for not going out socially, because they can’t cope or don’t want to be bothered, being with someone who has no purpose, motivation, conversation or interest, and end up feeling so lonely and stressed at having to do everything by yourself.
You feel that you can’t take anymore and resent them but then feel guilty that you just don’t seem able to help your partner get out of this awful, dark place that they are in and know if you don’t keep all things running, that they will just not bother and will just give up entirely.
I have no idea how things will end but know that you have to live your own life, can’t take responsibility for your partners state of mind and although it is incredibly hard to do, step back and put yourself first.
It’s not an answer to your post, but I hope that you will get some relief just knowing that you aren’t the only one going through this horrible time.

I can relate to most of that, but I don’t feel at all guilty, just frustrated at my wife’s apparent lack of appetite to do anything at all unless she can do it exactly how she used to before the MS took over her body.

I still love the girl I married all those years ago, but she’s no longer there. It’s hard to even like who she is now, this just makes it even more difficult sometimes to understand why I carry on. I have to continually remind myself that none if it is anyone’s fault, it’s just how it is now.

You can always find support around people. Just dont be afraid of it. I am happy you dont, and thanks for sharing it with us. I had some depression problems. I cant even imagine what would I if my wife doesnt help me with it. Because I didnt unterstand I had big problems. I figured out the connection between depression and smoking after reading this article Frankly saying I was shocked and stopped smoking immediately. After, my wife introduced me to dr. Anna. She has helped US. I started to smile; it was the 2nd step after quitting. A few months later, I began to see results. All I can to suggest is to be close to your man, even if he says he doesnt need you at this moment. Don`t listen to him)
I wish you all the best!

My wife has suffered with mental health disorders now for near on 40 years+. We met as teens and married early and to say it as been hard is a massive understatement. She struggled to accept the issues until she realised that it was going to kill her. The mental health support for us from the local professionals as been very poor except for our longstanding GP. I would say that I am her therapist out of needing to be, as the NHS professionals have continuously failed us. I say US as I class my wifes illness as ours. In my opinion nothing is improving with regards support for her condition. If it was not for our GP (who is getting harder to see) then I would be fighting this alone. Practically do anyway…but We move on.

Hi I’m in the exact situation, my partner has recently been diagnosed with a personality disorder he’s suffered for years with severe depression and anxiety, he’s now on mood stabilisers to help with his condition. I can totally relate to everything you said from isolation to being angry and frustrated.

Mental health has a huge impact on our lives, I’m living on a constant rollercoaster of the highs and lows, there’s no in between. He’s now back on the bottom and I’m left to pick up the pieces. I struggle each day to keep it together

I had a similar situation with my girlfriend. It was a very tough time. I remember she used cbd products in order to feel better. And it really helped. Depression and anxiety stood back. But in order to solve this issue fully, we needed a help of specialists and it took a lot of time.

I am locking this thread, usual reasons.