New carer looking after mum with Stoma

Hi, I started caring for my mum from November 2020 as she had an emergency op to remove part of her bowel after it was perforated during a routine colonoscopy. The whole thing came as a shock to us both. Ive been juggling work with caring and I feel like the trauma of seeing my mum suddenly at deaths door is giving me anxiety. I often wake up feeling anxious, I get upset over little things when talking about what happened. I had to cope with the aftercare all by myself while working from home. She has come on leaps and bounds, but I struggle to balance me time. My sleep isnt great and i often feel tired or guilty for wanting to do nothing. Just wondered if anyone was in a similar situation? I often wake feeling sad for her and also proud of how far she has come. Work are wanting people back in the office but I hope that a special arrangement can be made for me to work remotely. I cant face losing her as she would just give up if I wasnt nearby. How are you all coping with recharging your batteries? And how do you deal with siblings who are too selfish to help you? Thanks

Hi Jayne and welcome to the forum

Sorry to hear you’re finding things difficult, I think many carers will identify with what you said about balancing me time, it’s a challenge. Dealing with anxiety must be hard too, I don’t know if speaking to your GP might help with that?

You don’t say if you get any help or support with caring for your Mum, have a look through our help and advice pages and check you’re getting everything you’re entitled to, there is also a page about working carers which might be helpful too:

We also run weekly online meet ups for carers to take a bit of time for themselves and chat to other carers. They’re very informal with no pressure to share and carers say it really helps them to have that time to relax and recharge with others in the same situation. Do join us if you’d like to, details here:

Best wishes


Mum needs to accept care from someone else so you can get back to the office and your normal life.
Has this been discussed?
Did mum have her 6 weeks free reablement care after discharge?