New Carer - I need help with a family dispute issue

Hello All,
I need help. I’m a new full time carer to my Mum, who now lives with me. My sister has no sensible relationship with me and is now even more angry. She sees me caring for her Mum as controlling her and her finances. Thats not what I’m doing. She’s threatening me and sending abusive texts. How do I protect myself moving forwards? Financially, do I need to make an agreement with my Mum for what she pays to live with me. We were just playing it by ear until my sister started to make fuss and threats. My Mums memory is not 100% and she is scared of my sister so just says yes to everything and then tells me she doesn’t want to do what is asked. She’s asking for direct debits to be made to her account. How do I protect my Mum? Do I need an assessment or do I need a solicitor or financial agreement? Its really affecting me and I don’t want to do the wrong thing. I need help to protect myself and my actions it seems.

Without a form of power of attorney in place you are wide open to legal challenges and accusations of abuse. I strongly advise you to seek advice from a solicitor - many of them offer a short free consultation, no strings attached, and the basic issues can be discussed in that for limited advice. That will at least get you into a position where you’re able to protect yourself and your mum - and, in fact, your sister.


You can become mum’s DWP Appointee, fairly quick and easy. Then all mum’s benefits can go into a dedicated account in your name, as you are legally responsible for managing it. Then you can leave her other money untouched, shutting up nasty sister! Long term if mum has significant assets, over £23,000, definitely arrange Power of Attorney or Guardianship, but they will take time. If mum is mentally frail, sort this out asap. Make sure she claims Attendance Allowance and exemption from Council Tax too if she has a formal diagnosis of dementia or similar.


Lawyer up pronto. You will need it. Good luck. You are in my prayers too.

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