I would strongly suggest that some counselling would be helpful to learn techniques of managing a partner’s expectations.
Firstly, that without you they would need to move into long term care as they can’t manage without you.
If they dispute this, go away, alone for the day, or better still, for a weekend!
The idea that the man “rules the roost” is an old fashioned view, but of course it often persists.
You CANNOT do all the work that both of you did, you need to seriously cut down the jobs list to survive.
Top of that list has to be sorting out the garden to make it as low maintenance as possible.
After a car accident 3 months after my husband died, I couldn’t walk for 5 years. Either I sold the cottage, or I accepted that I needed to change the garden forever. Fortunately, I’d realised when we bought the cottage in 1976 that if anything happened to my husband the garden was going to be an issue.
We had turned a half acre wilderness into a lovely garden, full of plants bought with love, or given to us for friends. Lots of fruit trees, shrubs, camellias, lilac etc. etc.
Gradually my eldest son and I got rid of the LOT. Absolutely everything. Now a quick whizz round on the mower, job done. I have a large patio now, so I can sit and enjoy being outside. I compensated for the lack of shrubs with lots of pots, but most of them and gone too as my arthritis has got worse.
My son cuts the hedge one side of the garden, the other side is cut by a man with a tractor and hedge cutting attachment. The trees at the front have gone, replaced by a fence.
Of course I feel sad that my pretty garden has gone forever, but it had to be done.
Look at every single you job you do and ask yourself if
A) You could get rid of it altogether by making changes
Someone else could do it
C) Something else could do it, i.e. dishwasher, washing machine, laundry service.
Just because husband refuses a Social Services Assessment doesn’t mean you can’t have a Carers Assessment. SS should understand that the sort of things I’m suggesting could apply equally to both partners, so if husband needs help because he can’t do anything, and expects wife to do it instead, SS can fund that as it’s supporting the carer to care.