I am new to this forum and page, although I have been a registered carer for my adult cousin for 9 years
I have never had a break. We house shared for all this time and it has been extremely difficult and stressful.
My cousin has severe mental health issues and complex needs. He is angry all the time and aggressive. I have recently had to tell him that I can’t cope anymore and he has moved to a small flat. He isn’t coping and is suicidal. He won’t let me visit. He keeps turning his phone off and I am up all night worrying as he tells me he will commit suicide.
He won’t let me come over. I don’t know what to do.
I have no other support and no one understands how he is. He doesn’t trust doctors or anyone and is very isolated with no friends.
I am on edge and tearful and I have my own me tal health issues from looking after him.
I don’t want to let him down and I want to be there for him, but he is nasty to me. Says mean things and pushes me away.
I don’t really know what I’m writing this I think I just need to vent.
I’m worried about him. I did this because I was struggling, but I feel so guilty.
He isn’t settling into his flat and he is cold and alone.
I don’t know what to do. He won’t accept help.
@Gloworm74…hi, welcome to the forum. Whilst I haven’t been through as much as you have my husband has had numerous health issues over the years resulting in him not being able to manage at home. We have been through having carers doubled up 4 times a day and he is now in a care home at 58 years old. He holds a lot of resentment towards me as I finally told him I could no longer live like this and we couldn’t cope with him at home. 9 years is a hell of a long time to care for someone and so draining on you. There comes a time when you have to put yourself first for your own health. It sounds like you’ve done as much as you can for your cousin. It will take some time for him to settle in to his new living arrangements. Can you raise your concerns with social services or your cousins Dr so they are aware of the situation?
@Gloworm74 I agree with Sue. I would write to your Cousin’s GP and say that they have a ‘Duty of Care’ towards him. I would send the letter special delivery. If you were his Carer did you have any involvement with Adult Social Care? If so I would write to them too. Hopefully his GP will be able to organise some form of support or help but if he is deemed to have ‘mental capacity’ then it is HIS choice, and if he refuses help, there is little you or the GP can do about it.
If you are feeling very down it is worth phoning the Samaritans. They are not just for the suicidal and will listen. There are also mental health charities that may have helplines such as MIND.
You have my sympathy as I am caring for my 85 year old non medically compliant husband. I have been doing so since Jan 2013 officially but unofficially probably a couple of years earlier. He too can get very nasty and I am constantly walking on eggshells.
Please believe that YOU have a right to a life too. Just take reasonable steps to get him help then back off.