Need advice regarding my mum and the care company

Ive had enough of having to do EVERYTHING. She has carers 4 times per day and she’s lucky if she gets an hour of care per day. They don’t shower her daily because they either only send one “short staffed, yet there’s lots of people in the office who could do it” or their favourite “you had one yesterday” even if her last one was 5 days ago. its gotten to the point I have to sit and tell them what to do and even then they just won’t do what’s asked. The ones at night, she’s meant to be repositioned as she’s had pressure sores (never had this problem before with her DP carers, she needs two so the company is the only option according to the social worker). They don’t make her fresh drinks or fill her water bottle up, check her pads. Today one of them came at 2pm to feed her dinner which is 5pm, she realised she wasn’t meant to feed her and put a hot ready meal in the fridge.

its just stupid basic things that they can’t be bothered to do, 15 minutes at night gone in two just fill in the book. Same at 2pm, she’s meant to go in her chair they encourage her not to rather than encouraging her to do so to relive pressure. they don’t know what there meant to do yet don’t read the care plan. I really don’t know what to do or how to cope, I’m fed up a p…ed off big time. They make me furious to the point where I know complaining won’t help at all (they deny ive complained yet I have the email as proof, social worker sides with them. Its gotten to the point I just send nasty emails about everything they do wrong as polite or nasty I get nowhere. I want her gone and in a home, I hate saying that but its how I feel. I can’t have a life, a jobs impossible nearly (I had to quit my last one because of stress and burnout), social worker says I should look after her instead of work but its not my responsibility. Id leave but have no income as my mum does luckily help me out but this company must get hundreds a day yet im not even eligible for carers, my pensions gonna be fun. my lifes a mess due to this and the stress. The council pay the company and we have nothing to do with it, we asked for a new company but this is the only one that deals with it. Made safeguarding complaints which get referred back to her social worker, who does nothing sat at home all day. Is the Police an option? (abuse and neglect in my opinion). Ombudsman won’t do anything without a complaint response, yet we can’t get a single one).

I really don’t know what to do, sometimes I think just jumping off a bridge would be better, at least shed be put in a home then. I get no break, no holiday, cant do anything when I want. This isn’t a life just existing to serve my mum, I wish I hadn’t have been born. The real kick in the balls? social workers took me away when she couldn’t look after me anymore and put me in a home yet they expect me to save them a fortune by having to look after her. I hate it.

Hi Jamie

How does your Mum feel about all this?

One way to deal with this is to ask for a Carers Assessment and tell them as part of that what - exactly - you’re prepared to do for your Mum. And if that means not actually doing any caring, that’s fine. They can’t force you to, they’re not even allowed to say it’s your duty. They have to fill the gaps. As it sounds as though your Mum can’t move without help, they should be sending two workers to move her. If only one, they’re expecting you to assist. Do you have a copy of your Mum’s assessment?

She’s at the point where she wants to go in a home, she doesn’t want me to have to keep doing everything the carers should do. She’s got a lot lot worse in the last two years than she had in 30. In her own opinion they neglect her.

We originally had one full time PA who took her out and did everything she needed. Meds ordering and the whole lot, I have to sort meds, pick them up, give them her four times a day. She can’t move at all without two caters, they only send one or one turns up so she goes days without being moved, especially on the weekend. They ignore the advice of SALT, physios and district nurses. They expect the nurse to come out and wipe her catheter site because their not medically trained, yet I can do it the PA could do it, I’ve come to the conclusion they don’t want to do it. We can’t have direct payments back because of the two carer rule (apparently), which that’s the only thing I’d be willing to do is administer that and get her people who want to do the job. At least in a home she wouldn’t be left alone much of the day.

Hello Jamie, I’m really sorry to read how difficult things have been for you. Our helpline have put together some resources for you in an email and I’m sending them as a DM here too.

All best wishes


Would she be eligible for NHS Continuing Care? I’d definitely be going down that route if at all possible. You can approach Beacon for help and advice with this. I hate the way we are expected to do other people’s jobs for them all the time. We shouldn’t have to monitor what the care staff are doing, or alert the CQC when it goes wrong, or ask the social worker to escalate your complaints to their management etc - it should be done because it’s the right thing to do by the professional responsible. Would the GP back you up with regards to the pressure sores? Often if someone else has to get involved because something has been missed, people are more likely to listen. As family, we don’t seem to count, but other HC professionals sometimes do.