hello again
I had always thought of myself as a Florence Nightingale with the deepest compassion for others and coped very well with other peoples trauma and solved problems quit easily but when it came to my own family falling short of enthuse -sum and will , I lacked the care that was needed and on some days, wished that I could hide my head under a bucket ,wishing for all this to go away.
emotionally, I had felt bitterness to my husband that he fell ill, and for such a long time, and leaving me to do all the hard work, all the dirty jobs that I wasn’t used to, struggling with lifting heavy things that just pulled out my back and leaving me in a lot of pain,but with no help, i just had to carry on.
physically, my head and body hurts from the extra weight and over working.
sleepless nights are often a part of care given.
I am depressed worrying about the future
worried about relationships and forming new friends.
I am stressed out to the limit
not sure what it is that I am needing to take care of myself.
thank you kindly for listening
and bless you on your own journeys of recovery
You fell headlong into the trap of being one person doing two persons jobs, and another, that of nurse, as well!!
Try to resist this temptation. Get a dishwasher, a tumble dryer, a slow cooker. I call these my mechanical slaves!
Look at every job you do? Does it have to be done at all? Get a gardener to do the garden, or better still, get rid of the borders, and so on.
Every minute saved is important.
What a great idea… im going to sit down later and list my jobs as a carer and really see if i can use other methods etc.to help me as a carer.
What a great idea. 
15 years ago, three months after I was widowed, I was nearly killed in a car crash, unable to walk for 5 years until I had two knee replacements.
We ran our own business from home, I ran a national enthusiasts club, writing a magazine that was essential for getting new customers for our business, my son with LD had just moved, and mum was housebound and disabled, 6 miles away. I had a large garden and lots of hedge.
Eldest son moved back in with me. He gently bullied me into seeing that I had to do away with all the borders in my garden, borders that my husband and I had lovingly created, every plant had a story behind it. Even the rockery apple trees went. I put all the plants on Freecycle, met lots of friendly people, some from my past. As “compensation” we had a large patio built, so I could have flowers in pots and hanging baskets. My sons mow the lawn for me, and cut the hedge, everything looks tidy and we get lots of compliments! Now I can sit on the patio, dead head a few flowers, but I can sit quietly without seeing another job!
I don’t wear woven shirts any more, I wear pretty Lands End polo tops. Ironing only happens now when I’m making a new dress.
I’ve sold a lot of furniture, great granny’s china cabinet, bookcase, commemorative mugs and a whole lot more, all gone.
I kept running the business and club for a few years, but gave up just before my second knee replacement.
Other things were happening in my life working until 1am to meet deadlines was unsustainable.
My eldest son has the upstairs of my cottage, plus visiting son and grandson.
I sleep in the garage, now converted to a lovely bedroom, and the dining room we never used (we eat in the kitchen) is now my office/sewing room. Just emptying the garage before we converted it was a huge challenge!! (We have another garage at the bottom of the garden).
The latest challenge (from eldest son) that needs tackling is my recipe book collection. I’ve halved it from about 60 to 30, but I only really need about five! One I’ve had so long I even know the page number off by heart.
My mum had a house so crammed full that it took me and my two sons a YEAR to empty it! 60 dining chairs, 10 dining tables, 10 sideboards, all in a bungalow!!! I have never really recovered from doing that, I was so exhausted for too long.
Try to avoid all the memories as much as possible, and think about what you need for your future.
Ask yourself a series of questions.
Do you want to keep, house, keep clean any item until you die. “Hell no” is often the answer. In the bin/charity box it goes.
Can you afford to replace it if you throw it away?
Will your family chuck it when you are not here any more?
Every item you bin helps.
I’m not suggesting you do this all at once, but as you empty a cupboard, or a drawer, start thinking like this.
For things you really can’t part with, need to keep, but not currently using, Really Useful Boxes are great, especially as you can stack them in the garage or loft or spare room. Just be sure to label them with their contents.
If you haven’t even looked in the box for a year, do you need ANY of the contents?!
My place is still definitely “Work in Progress” but I’m getting there.
I too am getting there. I gave the last 2 suits of hubby’s to charity the other day. Not as painful as when I 1st started to clear his belongings. I feel am helping some one else, and seeing the suits unused getting dusty etc is worse. Don’t need his clothes to remind me of him. Have given tools that I know I won’t use, to family, Could go on about the sorting and decluttering have done over the last 2 years, but would be boring reading lol. It’s slow progress but am getting less overwhelmed by the months.
Still things am clinging to things but know will eventually make a decision.