Im new here and the site after searching for chatrooms. Im so lonely and feel trapped w hich makes me guilty. I want my life back but i cant leave him, i love him, im so confused right now.
To explain, I am my husbands full-time carer since he had a sudden cardiac arrest, 2years ago. He was left 45 minutes without a oxygen, he had no heart beat, he was dead. We were talking then he was gone. I did CPR until paramedics arrived, they arrived 15 minutes after I called 999, they advised me that he probably wouldn’t make it but were taking him to the hospital, they shocked him 4 times at home but he kept flatlining on top of that he had not had a heart beat for more than 20 minutes, however me doing Chest compressions there was a slight chance. In the ambulance they kept trying and in hospital they rushed him into surgery while I waited in the family room. They were struggling to restart his heart as it had collapsed, so no blood could pump around his body . His brain had been starved of oxyfen. Then they fitted stents, and tried once more, his heart started beating, a miracle, but I was told as his heart had been stopped so long it may not keep beating due to the trauma, so I stayed with him overnight He had blood all over his face where he bit his tongue and lips when they shocked him, I had to clean him up as they just wanted me to see him to say goodbye. He survived the night, then there was a covid outbreak in the hospital, they thought it best to recover at home as no memory previous 6 months or after. I was on my own to care for him, He has permanent brain damage and no memory of the hospital or what happened he has bad short term memory, his balance is bad and he cant walk properly. He wont wash or change his clothing. I have to tell him he smells. He sleeps all day, he wont go out the house, doesnt like me going out, ijave to order shopping from Morrisons. I feel trapped, i have no life. He says about his life changing over night but mine did too. I closed our business to be his carer as he doesnt want strangers in the house.
I am also carer to my son, who is autistic. He is high functioning and lives independently but still need support.
I am so lost and alone. I feel guilty because i want to leave and have life back but i cant because we are married.