My Grandfather/Patient is rebelling my caregiving

I have been caring for my Grandfather in my home for several years now.
He is 1 week away from being 100yrs old!!
Everything was going fine until this last year, where he has become both less able, and increasingly fighting me for more unattainable independance.
He is refusing to use his call button when he needs the bathroom, when he wakes up so that I can dress him and likewise when he wants to go to bed.
The resulting issues are that he is falling at least 3 times a week, he is covering the floor in urine multiple times daily, and he is making mistakes around the house that are dangerous to both himself and me.

He does not suffer from dementia, although his brain is very addled due to age I am guessing.

He tries to get up and urinate 5 times a night, roughly every hour to hour and a half. When he used his call button I could just about cope, but now that he instead tries to get himself up, urinates everywhere and often falls over (in this own urination), I now have to stay awake nearly all night watching him on nanny cam to be ready to hop to it before he makes a huge mess or hurts himself.

I am physically and mentally exhausted from lack of sleep and having to pick him up off the floor.

When I question him and beg him to use his call button, he either promises me he will next time, or he just goes silent on me.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I am at a loss. He doesn’t want help, but needs it. He is extremely weak and frail, but seems unaware of that.

I’ve just replied to your other post. Next time he falls, do NOT pick him up.
Call the ambulance.
I’m dismayed at the way your family have left you to do it all.
Ring Social Services and tell them you CANNOT do this any more, they need to arrange emergency respite for you.

Hello Caroline

This sound a really difficult and very tiring situation for you, you’ve certainly found the right place to connect and chat with other carers who are in similar situations. I wanted to highlight some of the options for connecting with fellow carers and for getting support from Carers UK should you need it.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to. I’m sure you’ll find others in a similar position to yourself.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK
This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK
These sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

There is also Carers UK’s helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

Please come and join us Caroline at one of our sessions, we’ve had a lot of new carers join recently and a lot of them have said how helpful they found them.

with all good wishes

I have also replied to you other post (before I read this one).