Hi, I’m caring for my 98 year old grandad. I’m 33. He’s a wonderful person and I love him a lot but everyone in my family knows he’s very difficult to deal with. He’s become very irritable and angry in his old age. I tried to tell him that he upset me once (because I tried to explain to him how he could go to bed safely so he won’t fall and he got very angry then threw his hearing aid away refusing to listen) and he started shouting saying I was making things up and trying to hurt him. I’m now in a situation where he can treat me however he wants and if I ever say how I feel he’ll get angry and things will get much worse. I’m living with a 98 year old child who has tantrums when he doesn’t get his own way. There’s no one around me I can talk to about what’s happening, I feel powerless and very isolated. I’ve never done any care work before and feel like I’m not doing good enough- there’s always something else that I need to do and I’m always behind. I’m afraid of leaving the house in case I bring the virus back so I don’t have a social life. I like to go for walks but I don’t really do that anymore because my grandad worries and makes me feel extremely guilty for leaving the house. How he treats me makes me not love him sometimes and I feel like an awful grandson then. I’m sorry for writing so much.
Welcome to the forum. Grandad is clearly suffering from age related mental issues.
I hope we can help, but a bit more info would be helpful.
Why are you doing this, not your parents?
Does grandad own or rent his home?
Does he have over £23,000 in savings? (Yes/No)
Does anyone have power of attorney for him?
Given a free choice, what would you like to happen next?
Welcome to the forum!
Please know you’re not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc. I hope that the Carers UK online weekly meet ups might be able to help you in regards to talking to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.
You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:
Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK
Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK
Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (email@example.com)
They also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:
Benefits and financial support
Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
I hope that some of this information is useful to you and your caring situation.
Hello, thank you for your reply. My dad is busy enjoying his retirement and doesn’t want to be a carer. I want to care for my grandad because he’d have an awful time in a nursing home. Grandad owns his home and does have more than £23000 in savings. My dad has power of attorney over him.
I’m not sure what I’d like to happen next, I’m only just getting on top of the caring role so haven’t really thought about it.
I’ve applied for carer’s allowance (hoping to get 3 months back pay) and also universal credit as carer’s allowance takes a long time.
Thank you for your reply and kindness. I’ll definitely have a look at those links you’ve given. Other carers are in a much more difficult situation than me, it would be good to listen to them and how they approach care.
If grandad has over £23,000 in savings, then I would suggest that your dad should be formally employing you to look after grandad.
Dad comes over as rather selfish I’m afraid.
You should not be expected to live off benefits, and should not be expected to care without a break.
Does dad pay for domestic help, for example?
Another paid carer should support you to start with, then take over completely so you can have time off without worrying.