Melly1 - she’s still quite on the ball but she hears things differently and is always discombobulated. I was sat next to her the other day, I told her I was going to wash her feet. She thought I had said one of my friends was coming for dinner and told me to tidy up and put the food on.
She’s started to move right to the front of the couch like she is about to fall off and constantly looks at the clock. I know you previously said it might be her waiting for her medication. You can be talking to her and she will switch her head to look at the clock and freeze. She does that when her grandson comes over and he ends up getting really upset. I’ve asked her if she is in pain or anything hence shuffling to the front of the couch but she always says no.
I don’t know why she won’t let me changer her everyday. It would be a lot cheaper if she did. It’s not embarrassing (he says). She stands in the kitchen and holds on to the counter. I take her diaper off and put another one from behind. She wears long dresses so I don’t see her bits and pieces, so I’m cool with it. Maybe it’s embarrassing for her. She has two daughters in their 50’s but neither give a toss.
Whenever I mention carers or a care assessment, she closes her eyes which means shut the f*** up!
It’s time to start making a list of everything you are doing for mum, and keeping a diary.
Talk to the “Continence Nurse” at the GP practice about mum’s “accidents”, repeatedly falling over.
Does mum live in a rented property, or does she own the house?
Mum clearly has what I call a Selective Memory, remembering some things, not others?
What will happen after mum dies to your mum’s home and your siblings?
Has she made a will?
I know these are difficult issues but they clearly don’t want to help her, but live there for nothing?
Time for tough talk. Mum may have lost her sense of smell but not you or visitors. I’d say carers in, shower/bath every day then clean clothes and pads. Otherwise you won’t care at all. YOU are in charge now!
I disappeared for a while but I’m back. Absolutely shattered still.
Any tips on how to get Mum to change her nappy daily instead of every two days? She’s been doing little wees in it. Once it collects up after a day, it swishes about all in her bed which means all the bedding gets soaked. The same for the couch where she sits. I seem to be washing the throws in the front room and the bedding every other day. She seems to think I am being dramatic. If she is sleeping on wee soaked bedding, she will become poorly right? I am not imagining it?
Abusive brother is really nasty to her and keeps calling her nasty names likes “smelly bit**”, “stop f***** pissing yourself”. It’s really uncomfortable to hear. When I tell him off, he just got crazy and has threatened to thump me. Mum’s too petrified to say or do anything. One of these days, I am just going to call the Police.
Moron sister is still moronic. He/she is still he/she and just goes bed hopping constantly.
I’ve tried talking about a carer but she just shuts down and completely ignores me and then starts crying which makes me feel awful. I tried to get my other sister to help but she’s actually said “you live with her, your responsibility”. What to do?
@ontheverge
Not long home from work and having a cuppa and psyching myself up to cook dinner. Feel like nodding off.
I think you should be firm with your Mum - tell her that not changing her pad is creating extra work for you and you are worried she’ll get sore. Say if she wants you to carry on caring for her then you need her to do this.
Changing it needs to be part of her routine. Either when she gets dressed or when she gets ready for bed would be easiest. If you insist she does it at one of these times it will soon become part of the routine.
If your brother is getting abusive you have every right to report him.
I don’t know what you can do about your sister. She’s in for a shock in the future when you all go your separate ways.
Hello again ontheverge. This thread has become too long and unwieldy. It is difficult for readers to scan it and examine the history of your case - and even leave the thread when they have finished reading.
I recommend that you start a new thread, with a new title and a different category, e.g. Specific disabilities and conditions. You can hardly describe yourself as “New to Carers Connect” when you have been running this thread for nearly five years.
Start the new thread with a summary of the story so far. Indicat all the main points of this thread. Once you have done this, put one final post on this thread, cross referring the new thread.
Are you still working pafrt-time? Are you still bothered by noisy neighbours?
@Denis_1610 - I have created a new thread here - Tired of Caring. I still work part time but not sure how long for and the cretins next door are still as evil as ever!
@Melly1 - I will try and discuss it with her again. I think she is just too embarrassed and I don’t blame her. I would be the same in her position. I think she chooses not to tell me when she has had an accident because brother will shout at her and call her every name under the sun.
Sister is truly in for a shock. She’s been waited on hand and foot all her life. She won’t know what’s hit her. If they have a home or supported accommodation for people with selective autism, she needs to start applying and soon. When Mum is no more, I will have no connection to any of these awful siblings.
