Hi Ontheverge, very pleased to hear the OT stood up to your manager. You can only deal with the number of cases at work that you have time for. I have to use the term ‘I don’t have capacity’ at work too … The long Covid sounds a nightmare. Its good to hear you have an outlet for all your pent up feelings - definitely better to let them out than bottle them up.
There will be better times to house hunt - both financially and when you are feeling stronger again.
Hang in there.
Melly1
x
I hope everyone is keeping OK. Just thought I would hop on and pop a post on here.
I’ve been enrolled on a mental health course and a long covid clinic. The long covid clinic has been so helpful. It’s good to know I am not the only one suffering. My manager at work still thinks I’m making it up. The OT is writing a letter to her because she thinks I am being bullied. I really don’t want to go off sick but I don’t see any other option. My manager insists I go into the office every other week and it terrifies me. I can work from home so I don’t get what her fascination is with me going into the office?
I’m still in a lot of pain and not sleeping so trying to look after Mum and the others is very hard work. I’m normally up until 5am and then have to start getting ready for work come 7am. Sometimes I wish covid had just finished me off - the last year has been agony. I thought I was getting better but I’m going backwards now. I’m gasping after I come up the steps and have to sit down. Don’t get me started on getting to and from work. I have to call a taxi from home to work and back. I can walk to the end of the street and then have to stop. GP still won’t give me melatonin as it’s a red drug. I’ve ended up buying some off Amazon but they are low dosage and make no difference to me.
Brother and sister have become complete recluses and refuse to go out. In the long run, I think it’s going to cause them a lot bother but I can’t make people do what they don’t want to do. I’ve offered to pay for a taxi for them to go to town but they won’t.
Mum still skiving all her diabetes and arthritis appointments. I try to reason with her but I have little to no energy left so can’t argue with her. She’s stubborn as a mule. Currently completely blind in one eye due to her cataract but won’t have it operated on as the last one was very painful.
Auntie finally died last week. Getting Mum to go and see her one last time was hard work. Auntie has been deteriorating quite quickly but has been poorly for 2 years. We were never told this until recently. Mum said to me “the hospital sent her home because she is fine, if she wasn’t, they would have kept her in”. I just didn’t have it in me to tell her that the cancer had spread everywhere and they had sent her home to die.
Anyway, auntie is dead. Mum was in shock when she found out (God knows how, she went to see her they day before and she was dosed up on morphine) and collapsed outside and broke her nose. We were in A+E for 12 hours. I told them what had happened and if they could prioritise her but they had no sympathy at all. She is on the mend but she is so shaken up. I’ve been checking her everyday to see if she is OK. Other than her nose, there is not a scratch on her so unsure how she fell. I just hope she’s not broken anything. Her face went bright yellow the other day and I was absolutely bricking it. All fingers pointed at me and I am the one at fault.
Sorry for the long ranting post. I just feel so down and out. I wish I had the energy to do something but I just can’t.
If anyone is in the same situation or starting out caring for a family member, ESCAPE whilst you can. Family is blood and important but don’t end up being the slave like me.
PS. How do you guys get the energy to go on? What do you do if the light at the end of the tunnel has completely disappeared? I started self harming and it seems to be getting worse as I just can’t see an escape.
Book a week’s holiday. Just GO!
Hi On The Verge
Good to hear from you.
Sorry to hear things are no better but glad your OT is taking up issue with your manager.
Does your OT know about your home life and issues? Not sure if there could be any interventions there eg getting SS involved, however you’ve explained all that already and it would be a very long shot.
How do we keep going? It’s all circumstantial.
Your circumstances are so negative for you and I wish they could change for you.
My circumstances are entirely opposite to yours, so I am not the best person to say because I don’t want to rub salt in.
Think about yourself and your recovery, do things for you, little wins, things to look forward to and things that make you feel good eg wearing your favourite top today or looking forward to wearing it in a few days time, same for your favourite meal, escapism into a book or music - distractions from life.
Be your own best friend and indulge your recovery.
If you can manage a couple of nights away in a hotel do it, you can pack very light for that, just a small rucksack if you can manage to carry that.
I would say have a few political poorly days rest in bed but I doubt that would work at home, but if you can manage a light bag and tell them you are off for a few days just go, switch your phone off. Pack a hot water bottle in case the hotel room is a bit draughty, get your fave snacks and enjoy some quality rest in your room and a nearby cafe.
Ontheverge, I’m glad you are finally getting support for the long Covid and hope the mental health course is helpful too. I think you should go off sick - even if just for a month. Ask at your Covid clinic re Access to work support, for the future - there if funding for taxis if you need them to get to work because you have a disabling condition - which you have.
I agree with BB re having a night/weekend away - I remember you used to do this. Just at the nearest hotel - sometime for you to soak in the bath, lie in bed and watch TV undisturbed and you never know - you might even sleep and if you don’t - well you can just rest and dose.
Melly1
Perhaps it is time to find a new job. Good luck. Thanks for the update.
Completely agree with Melly, take some sick leave, find out about taxi’s to work - that might not be free eg if you go by bus, tube, tram or train normally then you might have to pay that fare towards it but it is a great help not to be having to use public transport and to have a door to door commute service.
I edited my post adding to go to a hotel as Melly was posting to you.
If nothing else you have some hope - the long covid recognition and help, the OT support and the mental health course support, there is hope that they will help you to improve and get well again.
Sometimes you just need time away from a situation to realise what a normal life is like, and also what a toll the current situation is taking on you.
Thanks everyone for your kind words and your support. It means a lot.
I don’t do walking anymore, it’s taxis everywhere, to work, do the GP, even to the post office which is 5 minutes away. It’s expensive but I would rather do that than be completely knackered before I set off. Money is just money. I would rather use it for some pleasure than end up dropping dead and having savings.
I would love a night or two at a hotel but I can’t manage at the moment. I will dream about it and once I am better, it’s something to look forward to 
Still doing online shopping and ordering from takeaways. The aches and pains are getting worse with the cold weather.
I’m so worried about Mum. She is still discombobulated since her fall. She looks like death.
I may go off sick from work. I’m sick of it. I don’t expect sympathy but they won’t even acknowledge I have a long term health condition. I’ve got leave from this year, last year and the year before so will need to take that off too.
Thanks for listening to me rant.
Hang in there. Perhaps treat yourself to a nice massage etc.
Definitely take time off work - some quality rest.
Get some strength back.
Get up when you need to, let them fend for themselves.
Set boundaries and stick to them, you are not off work to be their slaves and to pander to their every whims. Rest up and get energy and refuse to get the pizzas in, if they want pizza they pay and they can get for you as well as it’s about time they did.
I do hope some good rest will get you the energy to have a couple of nights at the hotel.
My eldest son accrued lots of leave, he works for the council and several staff who left were not replaced.
One year he became very ill as a result, so now I nag him to take all his holiday leave, and every 3 weeks he’s taking 3 days off, for the next few months. At weekends his 10 year old son lives with us, so these weekday 3 days off he can completely “relax”. This means that he’s going to make and fit two garage doors!!! As a family we all like working with our hands, so what others might regard as work to us is just being creative.
Since taking leave in this way, he’s far less tired and much more healthy. We all need some “down time”.
I have the feeling that you are never allowed to rest at home at all.
Hello again, OnTheVerge. That’s a good bit of general advice to others, but why are you having difficulty in applying it to yourself?
. . . I don’t do walking anymore, it’s taxis everywhere, to work, do the GP, even to the post office which is 5 minutes away. It’s expensive but I would rather do that than be completely knackered before I set off. Money is just money. I would rather use it for some pleasure than end up dropping dead and having savings. . .
It concerns me that, at 40, you have these health problems. I have little doubt that these are brought on by the unacceptably stressful living conditions that you are under. Regarding money, yes it is fine to use it for personal pleasure or to ameliorate a poor quality of life, but don’t forget your quest for a place of your own. Don’t just rely on inheritance at some unknown date in the future. Tackle things now. Money is a practical necessity in life. There is no glory in poverty.
I want to concentrate on your work situation, because that is where I see room for vast improvement. It may not be the best of jobs, and your manager may be less than pleasant - however I get the impression that you are fighting the work situation, when in fact it should be not just a source of income but your livelihood and a place to enjoy. In fact I am slightly amazed that you still have that job. Don’t lose it, though by all means seek a different job.
I am going to make some suggestions, which may at first seem to be anathema to your personal feelings - nevertheless I ask you to consider them carefully.
1. Join the trades union.
I and others have mentioned this before and you seem to have avoided the suggestion, giving me the impression that you have not done so. I cannot stress this enough: it is about blinkin’ time you were in the union.
Don’t be put off by the biassed media impressions of chaos caused by workers on strike. This is only a small part of Union activity. Trades unions help members in many respects, from encouraging good working conditions to assistance in legal matters, such as unfair dismissal.
It appears that you need to negotiate a better deal from your employer. This will be much easier if you have a union representative to advise you and back you up. You are entitled to have someone to represent you in fomal meetings with management. Your representative could be a union official. Your one-to-one would therefore become a two-to-one. I expect management would want to make that a two-to-two. That’s fine - better than having the opinion of just one person to decide your workload.
2. Stop working from home.
Yes, I mean that.
In mid-career I was a college lecturer. That job required much work outside of actual class contact - marking homework, lesson preparation, etc. Some colleagues took this work home with them but I much preferred to do it on the college premises as much as possible, spending much more time on site than I was officially required to. The environment was more conducive to working well. I had the resources of the college readily available - library, photocopiers, computers, etc. I had a sane and stable home situation, but it had many distractions - people calling, wife asking for attention, etc.
You have a very bad situation at home - family demanding attention, noisy neighbours, etc. You cannot possibly give your best under these conditions. At work you would be with colleagues, informally helping oe another, exchanging ideas about how to deal with difficult cases and being more readily available to receive advice and directions from the manager.
Also, of course, it would give you respite from your family. They will need to learn the hard way that they cannot continue to rely entirely on you for care and support. They need to accept outside care that you manage on their behalf.
3. Extend your working hours if possible.
You say you work 14 hours per week. See if you can increase that to 21. That would be three days’ attendance per week. It would need to be negotiated of course, but 50% more salary would help you towards a property of your own. Mortgage offers are assessed on both income and deposit payable. With a 50% salary increase you could immediately improve your mortgage ability status, and you could build up savings, making your status continue to improve.
In conclusion:
You complain about your case load being much more than anyone else’s. I don’t see that as bullying, and I recommend that you put aside the bullying notion and take control. The figures that matter are how many cases per day do you resolve, compared with your colleagues. I would surmise that a big case load suggests that you are taking a long time to resolve each case. Also I do not know what particular work your colleagues may be doing that you don’t do. Working from home can be restrictive.
I am sorry if these sound like hard words, but these are the consequences of the deplorable conditions in which you are trying to work, and which I am desperately trying to help you to escape from.
So join the union and, with the help of your representative, try to negotiate the terms I have suggested above.
DON’T treat it as a battle with your boss for your personal rights.
DO see it as a mutual discussion to try to reach an agreement which benefits ALL concerned.
Try this, and you may find that your work becomes a much happier part of your life, and your boss may well become much more amenable.
On the subject of case loads, you are working 2 days a week. How many cases do you get?
How many do your “full time” colleagues get?
I have a sneaky suspicion that they are not giving you a workload that reflects your hours?
Assuming you are at home when not at work, for the sake of your mental health and your wallet, this needs to go up to 3, then 4, then 5.
Social Services have a duty to give carers all the support they can to carers who want to work.
Is this reflected in your Carers Assessment and mum’s Needs Assessment?
If not, why not?
Unions are there to help their members in times of difficulty.
Phone Unison to speak with them, they are taking on new members with long covid to assist them.
Have a chat with TUC and ACAS.
The SWU website states a 3 month qualifying period and no pre existing issues.
Phone or email the Citizens Advice Bureau.
There is help out there, you just need to look up what is available and ask for it.
Hello ontheverge,
I have finally gotten through all of these posts! It was a very interesting read.
Because it was such a long thread and some of your posts plus others were so long I had to use my speaking agent to read them for me. I enjoyed it. Listened every day until tonight when I get free time at the night time. As we speak mum, who I care for is texting me to heat up her cup of tea and get her a can of pop! Even in my supposed free time at the evening she’s constantly texting me to either get her drinks or heat them up when they go luke warm because she just leaves them instead of drinking them at the time I gave them to her! I;ve been ignoring her texts since just before midnight and it’s now 20 past!
Like you I am trying to learn to set mum boundaries and make her wait as some people told you to do on here to your mum and siblings!
Luckily I only have one person to look after but I also have a huge mansion to keep up all by myself which has been hard. TBH I don’t do EVERYTHING I should do and it often pisses mum off, but I’m one person and I just do one person’s worth of work! I do the essentials of cooking, making cups of teas, green teas and hoovering the floors and getting her things she asks for.
She hates it when I make her wait and she will lecture me as to why i shouldn’t make her wait. TBH I hate making her wait because I feel the pressure building up inside and constant worry she’s gonna get mad at me so this setting boundaries isn’t easy and she hasn’t learned.
The only thing I managed to do was get her to allow me to sleep thorugh the night and as long as I wanted so I don’t have to worry about being disturbed until 9 am to 12 pm. She wakes me at these times to get her her peppermint tea and open her window. Now she is ill I have to also set up her cat nebuliser.
I’m hoping my new posts will get 3 years worth of posts like yours did! I’d love to be able to vent as much as you did and feel like I’ve got as much support from the members on here.
So far my first post has been absent from new replies for many months and my newest post only got one reply. I see a lot of posts get several replies after only the next day passes.
I’m still eager to hear from you and I shall continue to follow your story.
I’m sorry about your aunt dying and you’re dealing with such a shitty life.
I will admit as bad as I thought mine was, it’s nothing as bad compared to some people’s situations and I’m grateful for that but feel for you guys who are struggling worse!
I am here for you to talk to and vent to and bond with whenever you need it.
Hi friends,
It’s been such a long time since I posted on here. Are you all well?
WORK
Is still the same but I have a new outlook. I can do what I can do. Feel free to give me double the workload of full time staff. Each Monday I log in, look at all the new cases, smile and leave them there.
@bowlingbun - I am taking 1.5 weeks off per month - might as well use it than lose it.
@denis_1610 - I don’t want more hours. My manager is still a cow - she made me physically go to two team meetings and when I said I wasn’t feeling well, she said “it’s sick leave or you are coming in”. I had really bad flu symptoms so sat next to her on purpose and kept sneezing and coughing in her direction. Childish but I wanted to make my point. I phoned the Union for advice on being forced to go in but kept being told “someone will be in touch”. It never happened. Twice I’ve had this issue so quit and am now saving about £12 a month.
In my mind, I’ve said I will give social worker job until June. If it’s not working, I will jack it in.
LONG COVID
I’m still suffering from it. The aching joints are bad but the sleepless nights are worse. I end up thinking all kinds of crazy things - there’s pangs of guilt - should I be doing more for Mum, should I be running around after sister and brother, is it my fault, fits of non stop crying. It’s the absolute worst. I’ve put on 2 stones as I end up eating all kinds of crap because I can’t sleep. I ate two tubs of Pringles one night!
I’ve got a Long Covid clinic appointment in May and then they will put me to the sleep specialist at the hospital. I’ve been to the GP but they fob me off. I even cried but made no difference.
When I have to go into the office, I get a taxi there and back. It’s fine in the morning but it’s bad when I am coming home. The taxi driver has to open the door and drag me out. I’m in pain by the time I come home. Deep Heat is my go product and I take it everywhere with me.
I get very cold and then everything starts aching. I asked my manager if they would get me a heater but she said no so I paid for one and have it near me when I am in the office.
MUM
Mum’s had to get out of the house recently. We went for a few GP appointments, a diabetic eye screening and had to go to her brothers funeral. That’s two of her siblings in 3 months! I’ve always made sure I’ve held onto her as I don’t want her to fall over again. Funnily enough, none of my siblings have ever helped or offered to take her to the GP etc.
I’ve been over compensating and really pampering her. I’ll massage her hands, put cream on her feet, comb her hair, chat to her about anything she wants to do, go over the same stuff over and over again. I got her some really nice dark chocolates suitable for diabetics and a huge fluffy throw for Mother’s Day and she was so happy.
It seems like a burden at times but I am so honoured to be there for her.
TEDDY BEAR
I saw this huge teddy bear online and ordered it. When things get too much or I can’t cope, I sit with it and have a whinge. It feels good to get it out of my system. It probably sounds really stupid but it seems to work for me. Normally I would do it with Mum but don’t want her to know how unhappy I am.
KINDRED SPIRIT
I have a colleague who I have worked with for about 15 years. We were chatting recently about my Mum falling and how her husband falls over often too. I’ve struck a bond with her and we are always texting and whatsapping each other. She understands how I feel when I have to go to work and feel guilty for leaving Mum at home. It’s the same with her and her husband. The support is really helpful.
Thanks to everyone for all their support and love and for keeping me in your prayers and letting me whinge on here. This post took me 3 weeks to write. Thanks for listening to me whinge - I’ve given the teddy bear the night off
Hi, always good to hear from a forum friend.
I’m glad that you’ve found someone at work who understands, that can make all the difference especially if you are having a bad day.
Nice to see you again. OnTheVerge. However, I do not think your manager was being unreasonable. If you are well enough to come into the office to work, you are well enough to attend meetings. Yes your behaviour was a bit childish and churlish. You cannot expect to be on good terms with your boss if you behave like this.
I am sorry that you found your trades union to be of little help. Maybe you can chat to colleagues about unions that they are in, and see if another one is better.
You say that you will give this job till June. Then you need to be looking for another job now. Don’t quit a job if you do not have another one to go to, or you will be in an even worse mess than now. For a start, you won’t be entitled to unemployment benefit for six weeks.
It is good that you have these quality moments with your Mum. But don’t forget that you are entitled to a life of your own. This means that you will also need to distance yourself at times.
Hi everyone,
I hope you are keeping well.
Sorry I’ve not posted in for forever.
I’m still suffering from Long Covid and took two months off annual leave from work. The Long Covid clinic have told me to go off sick as I am not showing signs of improvements.
Mum’s taken a turn for the worse - she’s showing most of the signs on BB’s list which is worrying. I’m just taking each day as it comes and doing my best to make her life as enjoyable as possible. Her arthritis is really bad and her wrists are shot. She can’t do anything with them. Me and the poorly brother take turns to make sure someone is with her at all times. If someone knocks, she can’t open the door and it really upsets her. It’s not easy at all.
The worst thing is there are 6 adult kids in total and only 2 do all the work. There’s 2 others still at home but they just don’t give a hoot - they might as well just be bloody lodgers.
Sorry, I just wanted to have a little rant. I hope you are all well.
Best wishes,