Now I am wandering about the house, looking for stuff to do.
Can not get stuff started , as the GP not done the paperwork yet, it’s being prepared now.
Mums in the chapel of rest. Anyone give me an idea if I need to do probate?
Mum never left a great amount of money, we had a will done years ago, She had lived with me for 20 years.
I think I need to find myself something to do , like a small job, as I will go stir crazy here on my own all day. Thank the lord for the dogs. I need to go out with them few times a day, this morning I realise I never had to rush the walk , to get back to mum. Ah well. Suppose I will get used to it.
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Christine - so sorry to read your news. Warmest and deepest hugs to you.
Unless Mum owned any property (real estate - ie house etc) and you say that she didn’t have a lot of money to leave, then it’s unlikely you will need to bother with Probate. You MAY find that if she had a bank account the bank MIGHT be fussy and demand Probate which is outrageous when the law states you don’t need it. Are you a signatory on her account? If so, and I know you shouldn’t really do this, you could pay out most if not all of her money BEFORE you tell the bank just in case they get fussy as it is an unnecessary expense. It’s fairly easy to apply for Probate online - I’ve done it a couple of times - but there is a charge!
You will be going through a period of big changes, probably walking into a room to ask her something or check if she wants a cup of tea etc. Don’t worry about doing that and there’s no need to let it upset you - it is NATURAL because after such a long time together it has become a habit.
Don’t rush into anything too quickly. It’s great you appreciate that you will be better off doing something. If you don’t need an income, how about considering some charity work - a few hours in a charity shop or in their admin office? That way you’ll be meeting people and socialisation will help. You may also find that others have been in your situation so can empathise with how you feel.
Taking the dogs out will be a god-send for you as they need your attention and will ensure you don’t simply sit brooding. If you have any religious affiliation, try speaking to someone at the church as you could get support and friendship there. Also check if the local Council has any Bereavement Groups. I know it’s easy to suggest and harder to take the step, but something else to consider.
You’ll find lots more support on here - there are members who were carers and now no longer have a Caree - for various reasons - and a welcome is extended no matter what. Don’t think you can’t be on here because your caring role has ended.
I hope that if Mum’s GP is also yours, he/she will be offering contacts and support.
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I’m sorry for your loss.
No longer caring is a huge adjustment.
Glad you have the dogs. A part time job or voluntary work sounds like a plan, do give yourself time to grieve though.
I was widowed suddenly in 2006. From my experience you NEED a lot of apparently aimless wandering around doing not a lot as you come to terms with the situation. Do not rush into anything. Buy a book called Starting Again by Sarah Litvinoff. Written initially for separating couples but so much applies to anyone bereaved. Best of all you can just dip in and out almost anywhere, no deep thoughts but really good practical words about what you want to do with your life. However, for the next few days think only about the practicalities of death, the funeral, etc. Money issues come later. The funeral directors bill can be paid directly by the bank, from mum’s account, as soon as you give them the invoice, as long as there are sufficient funds.
Hi, Im so sorry to hear about your loss, my deepest sympathies.
There are some bereavement cafes dotted around the country. It might be a good place to try if you can find a local one to you. You dont have to talk you can just sit, drink tea and listen to others, join in when you feel ready, if you want too in a safe and friendly environment.
Thinking of you, take care.
I knew nothing about Bereavement Cafes, so I googled them, sadly none in my area (The New Forest) and found that they were run by The Good Grief Trust. Another organisation I hadn’t heard of. Widows/widowers can join WayUp, sharing our feelings and progress towards a new life.
Thats a shame there isnt one near you. I know theres one in Aldridge and theres also one in Welshpool. Facebook might be the best place to look. I think they get set up by independent volunteers.
Very sorry for your loss.xx
Try also at your local hospice for a grief café. It’s them rather than the Good Grief Trust that run them in my area.
When I lost my husband I felt very lost until I had a date set for the funeral. Then at least I had something to work towards. I spent time in the garden, there’s always something that needs doing! Don’t push yourself to doing too much. Take this time to rest yourself. It’s amazing how tiring giving care can be, and because you can’t register the death yet you can’t organise anything else. Once registered there’s plenty of things to do. You won’t get this time again. Do nothing if that’s how you feel. Don’t think about “should”. Look after yourself.
Hi. Thank you. I’ve sorted myself out with a volunteer thing at Riding for the Disabled, I’ve had horses all my life.
2 mornings a week. I start after mum had a good send off, which is taking a fair while round here. GP gave me 7 sleeping pills, as I couldn’t sleep. But seems to have worked
Onwards and upwards.
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Luckily she had a pre paid plan running.
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My son rode with RDA from about 5 years old, he absolutely loved it. Everyone seemed so friendly, such a worthwhile charity.
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So sorry to hear about your mum.Nothing really prepared you to lose a parent.
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