I feel like a bit of a fraud posting that subject heading, My mum is 80 and last year after a five year battle sending letters etc to her doctor she was finally diagnosed with vascular dementia, she was also diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer which had spread to her lymph nodes, and bones. She doesn’t always remember that she has cancer, she doesn’t remember to take her medication or sometimes remembers twice, or three or four times, sometimes she’d take a weeks worth in two days, she doesn’t remember to eat. I’ve no experience with dementia, had no idea who to call or contact or what to do. My husband works away during the week and I have two children aged 10 and 15, my son tried to take his own life just before Christmas last year, I have no friends, no other family and feel totally isolated. Eventually after numerous letters to her GP a district nurse started to go every week to weigh her. Her weight plummeted from 11 stone to just under 8, I notified the nurses of her issues with the medication and eventually a social worker was brought in a meeting held and carers put in place.
Carers currently go in three times a day, they stay for five minutes out of a 30 minute call because she won’t let them cook for her or do her dishes, she tells them that if she needs anything that she’ll get me to do it. To be honest I’m exhausted, with a full time job, therapy for my son, constantly calling British Gas because she fiddles with the boiler etc so she has no heating, cleaning excrement from her bathroom floor, shopping, cleaning, washing and all with no support. I contacted social services to say I thought she was getting worse, she’s lost more weight, by sight as the district nurses no longer go in, I’d found medication in her dressing gown pocket, and I also told them about the mess on the bathroom floor. The social worker arranged to see my mum with a district nurse, they said her capacity seemed good, she said she ate when she was hungry, and they were happy with that. I honestly don’t think she’s safe to be at home, and all the stress is making me ill, the only time I sleep is when she’s admitted to hospital. She calls my house at all hours, sometimes she calls five/six times within an hour leaving messages on the answer machine.
Can anyone offer any advice on what to do? I don’t know what’s best for her and I don’t know who to speak to about anything. I know that lots of people on here are carers as in having people living with them that they are supporting, or have given up their jobs to look after people but my job is the only thing that keeps me sane.