Moving my mother to my home

Hello, I am wondering if anyone can give advice on our situation. My mother had a stroke and is about to be discharged from hospital with a care package (carer visits 4 times a day). I live in a different city about 120 miles away and want her to move in with me and my family. That’s also my mother’s wish. Can she move in with us with the care package being transferred?

I thought the two local authorities (both in England) can come up with some sort of agreement with the care package. But the initial response from the hospital was that two local authorities are not agreeing to transferring care package and hence my mother will be discharged to her home where she lives alone.

Any advice would be appreciated.

You need to stand back for a while, I know it’s hard, but first the authority where she lives needs to see if she can manage with the plan in place. If not, she needs more help and they need to work out what that will be. If she cannot improve or manage at home, that means moving somewhere else, but she has to try first.
Does she own or rent her home?
Have over £23,000 in the bank? Yes/No.

Hi. My Mum had a serious stroke and came to live with me. In her case she was transferred from the original hospital to a cottage hospital near to me. We were under different authorities. Mum’s care plan was arranged in the second hospital. This was three years ago. I looked after Mum with some help for a year and then she moved into a nursing home. Mum had to be hoisted and I have to say looking after her was the worst year of my life, but I am glad I did it. I was also caring for my husband who had Vascular Dementia. Good luck, but think very carefully how best to proceed.

Thanks, bowlingbun. Oh I see. I guess we will have to see then. Just so concerned her being alone as I won’t be able to visit her often.

She owns her home and, yes, she does have savings over £23,000. Would this matter? They didn’t ask any of this when they put the care package in place.

The first 6 weeks of care from the Reablement Team are free, then there will be a financial assessment and she will probably have to pay for ALL her care, regardless of where she is living. It’s then her choice, not that of a local authority.
Is she now claiming Attendance Allowance?
Do you have Power of Attorney? If not, sort this out with mum asap.

I supported my mum in and out of hospital for years.
It’s really important for mum to know that leaving her home was the only option left, if and when this is needed, to avoid the “if only…” conversations as much as possible.

How much can mum do for herself?
Is her home “disabled friendly” i.e. walk in shower, bungalow, or does it have stairs, no downstairs toilet etc.?

I won’t bombard you with more questions just now, but with your answers, we can gradually go through the options for mum staying at home. Then we can deal with where else would be suitable.

How old is mum, and how old are you?

Thanks for sharing your experience, woodpecker. This is completely new to us and I just don’t know what to expect really. It must’ve been very difficult to look after both your mum and husband. My concern is looking after my young children as well as my mum as I am already struggling as it is. Being closer to my mum would at least save me from travelling I thought. I will have to think about this. Thanks so much for sharing.

Really appreciate your replies, bowlingbun.

I wasn’t told like this at all so it’s new to me. Thanks for enlightening me.

I just turn 40 and my mother is in her early 70’s.

No, I will look into Attendance Allowance.
Yes, we do have PoA in place after seeing what my friend went through with her dementia suffering mum.

She can stand and walk a bit with some help, cannot go up and down steps even with help yet, and her left side of body is still very weak. She can’t look after herself in terms of toilet and washing (currently all done in her bed in hospital). Her house is not disable friendly, a two story terraced house with only toilet and bathroom upstairs with over the bath shower and kitchen downstairs.

The hospital just wants their bed back. It’s horrible, but true, now they can’t make her better they want her out of their bed, as quick as possible, and as there appears to be a relative, that’s the soft option.

Do not make a decision you will regret for the rest of your life. Be as difficult as you have to be to get them to follow the hospital discharge procudures possible. They MUST make sure that mum is safe to be discharged to her home, if that is what they are proposing. That means an Occupational Therapist should visit her home, with her, and see how she would manage in her own environment. Has this happened?
“Unsafe discharge” are the words you should be using at the moment.
From what you describe, she needs to first have some sort of rehabilitation before she goes anywhere.
Has there been any sort of “case conference”.
Has anyone mentioned NHS Continuing Healthcare Checklist Assessment to you?
Google this and there’s masses of information.

Excellent advice here from Bowling Bun.

My Aunt was given an unsafe discharge from hospital back in March at the start of the pandemic and she now needs residential care. Because I was only given 5 hours notice that she was being discharged, I moved my household hundreds of miles to support her in her own home. I don’t regret doing this but the process of securing the Continuing Healthcare Funding that she’s entitled to for her residential care has been complex, frustrating and the outcome is still uncertain.

If I had known the ‘magic words’ (unsafe discharge) back then I’d have used them.