Good afternoon. I am ‘new’ to Carers UK but am looking for fellow ex-carers for empathy. My husband has a neurological disorder; I cared for him single handedly for six years. For the last two years, he has been in a residential home where I visit him every day. I am finding it difficult to separate the role of ‘carer’ with personal freedom. Anyone else in the same boat out there? Love to hear from you.
I was in that position for a year. I’d supported mum through all sorts of traumas. After 6 months in hospital, she agreed that residential care was the only option left. The home was very near my own home, so whilst settling in I visited every day, then gradually reduced the frequency of visits. At the time I was also ill and had a son with severe learning difficulties, so it was all very difficult. Your husband is in safe hands, you did a brilliant job caring for 6 years on your own. If your husband was well, I’m sure he would not want you to waste your own life now, you deserve some time off to enjoy yourself. I was widowed at 54, it took me a long time to feel comfortable in my own home, alone. I would recommend a book called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff. Primarily written for divorcees, but so much is relevant to anyone at a crossroads in life. It’s also really easy to read, I kept it in my bedside drawer and read a page or two at a time.
Welcome to the forum Linden
My lovely late husband was in a nursing home because of strokes vascular dementia and other health issues.
For a while I visited every day for hours. It really tired me emotionally and physically. I don’t drive. One of the other visitors encouraged me to take a day off. I was beside myself but visiting the next day I could see that nothing had gone terribly wrong. Then I went on a day out with my daughter and family. I started to feel better for time out. Then 4 or 5 times a week became the norm and less hours. Admittedly our family visited regularly. I loved my husband very much, but realised if I became ill with exhaustion I wouldn’t be visiting at all.
Hope my post helps