My disabled Aunt passed away this summer unexpectedly but had been disabled for her adult life and lived with my Nan.
As my Aunt was passing away my Nan asked me to move in. Sure I said without thinking. As my Aunt lived within the home social wasn’t able to claim against the house as she was classed as a dependent and had her own careers who doubled up as my nans once my Nan wasn’t able to care for my Aunt.
My Mum didnt wasn’t me to move in, but due to my mums and nan’s personality clashes (put kindly) it seemed like the best idea. The condition of me moving in was that I would still keep up my career and my relationship.
I left the house for twenty minutes once to run to the nearest shop for essentials and in this time my Nan has a nasty fall and wasn’t able to press her alarm. Therefore ‘we’ decided for my Nan not to be left home alone for any period of time.
So I decided not to go back to work, as while I could possibly pay someone to cover 9-5 with travel time/plus working late/traffic my options were limited. Fine, nan said when I moved in that her home would become mine. Able to decorate my room how I like and when she passes everything comes to me; kind of softens the blow of giving up a rising career.
However my Nan asked me to read over the first draft of her professional wrote will. The cover letter says that she might want to make a provision if the house is to be sold for carehome fees that I still get something (I get the house; no house no inheritance).
I didn’t move in for the money just for love. However, my Nan keeps asking when I’ll be having a baby and starting my family. Myself and my partner were very much looking for the next step before I moved in. He’s been amazing through this (while not perfect I can’t imagine any other human being so understanding).
I mentioned to my Nan earlier that I wouldn’t be able to cope if she had full on dementia, didn’t know who I was, violent etc etc without putting kids in the equation. She said she’s told the solicitor that she’s not going in a home. I feel like it’s bribe/threat or even blackmail.
Essentially I could be looking at putting the best years behind me for ten years, not being able to look after her and then everything being left to family members who she doesn’t like/hasn’t seen for 20 years. Or, I could have kids and hope for the best that one day I have to walk away and I’ll have no home, no career or nest egg. Literally nothing or face abuse.
I feel like I really need to approach this but on the other hand I don’t want to seem like a money grabber. Also I feel like this is a real game changer. In my mind I’ve almost being getting through this as let’s take each day as it comes. And if it ever gets to the point I need to walk away it will be heart breaking but needed. My Nan doesn’t not want anyone else looking after her. I have two days off a month which is a struggle as she literally hates the rest of the family.