Bi polar mum wants to move in

I am a full time carer for my nan who has dementia, living in the family home that I have lived in all my life. My mum lives in a council flat with her husband, she has bipolar and took early retirement many many years ago. She now doesn’t have that much money in the bank, only good savings with are tied up in a pension scheme so she cannot currently acess them.
My mum wants to move in and has asked before, but we cannot cope with her bipolar. My nan cannot cope with her for long periods of time, not even sure if nan can cope with someone else living in the house. On top of that my mum and aunt don’t get on and my mum has made a fuss about nan’s will so I wouldn’t be surprised if she was to try and answer my aunt’s calls if she were to live here. My aunt would certainly not want to come around with the kids.
My mum said that she could use the back sitting room as her living room and would be quite, but I feel that she cannot make that promise due to her bipolar. Furthermore she is also a noisy person and goes out on Saturdays coming back very late.

I feel bad for not wanting her here and kind of hopeless.

What age is your mum? What age are you? Do you claim carers allowance?

You can’t save everyone! However, you can guide people to the correct people. Guilt lets have non of that!!

People with bipolar I understand work on their emotions. So as you know these change constantly and daily. Do you really think your mum can make such decisions. Do you want to live you life in her world. If not seriously think again about letting her into your home.

I am 29 and do recieve carers allowance and income support.
My mum is very late 50’s.
I don’t want mum living here, if I am to be at home full time caring for nan I want peace as far as possible, however my mum makes me feel bad for not wanting her to live here. She was annoyed and a bit angry.

Hello Yasmine
You already do a wonderful job caring for your grandmother. That won’t get any easier.
Your mother has a home to live in. My guess is she wants to move in with you, hoping to be subsidised as her own money is diminishing. Sounds like she couldn’t be any help to you.
She must stay where she is! She isn’t homeless. She would not get a council flat again.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Feel sad that she has bi polar, but its not your fault.
In my opinion the answer must be ’ no’, for reasons stated.
Others will be along with practical advice Im sure.

I’ll start by looking at nan’s situation.
How old is nan?
How much help does she need?
Did you know that since the day of her diagnosis she has been exempt from Council Tax?
If she hasn’t claimed this already then it can be backdated to the day of diagnosis!
Is she claiming Attendance Allowance? Are you claiming Carers Allowance?
Does nan own or rent her home?
Does anyone have Power of Attorney for her? If not, who is managing her money for her?
Is that person her formal DWP Appointee?

YOUR MUM MUST NOT MOVE IN WITH YOU AND NAN. Maybe mum is hurt, but what about you, giving up your life to care for nan because mum cannot??? If anyone is hurt, it should be you!


I agree with the other posters. You are already doing a great thing looking after your Nan.

Go with your gut, and stand up to your mum. If she’s only in her 50s do you really want to living with you for the next 40 or so years ?! It’s not fair on you or on your Nan.

She has her own place, her rent isn’t huge.

Unfortunately, you are just going to have to say no. Not many people like confrontation or upsetting others, but for your sake you’re just going to have to say what you think.

I can’t think of the most tactful way to do it just now, but hopefully others will be along to advise.