I’ve just found this forum online, and honestly 3 months ago I didn’t think I would ever need such a forum.
My lovely husband, to whom I have been married to for 2 years and been with for 4.5, is the nicest, kindest guy in the world. Seriously I lucked out when I met him, we’ve been each others worlds since the day we met. I have two kids and he is amazing with them, they even recently legally took his name.
He has had a few challenges in the past, abusive relationship with his ex wife (her to him) which resulted in a challenging relationship with his own children. A stressful but good career that up until last year meant commuting for 4hrs a day.
Some social anxieties on occasion, but not detrimental and then we came to 2021.
He started becoming anxious about his looks, ted worrying about his health, again it wasn’t significant or detrimental, we still were getting on with life, planning holidays, DIY, going out, seeing friends, workign etc.
And then at the beginning of Oct he got covid and was really ill with it for 2 weeks, after that things started to go downhill rapidly, he was unable to work, had brain fog and was struggling with exhaustion levels. He saw the GP (with me) and told the GP he was struggling with intrusive thoughts, and panic attacks, the GP prescribed a range of meds, then progrssively over the next 3 weeks he deteriorated, could’t get out of bed, was struggling to engage with the family, we saw the crisis team who diagnosed acute anxiety and gave him some management activities.
He was referred to a psychiatrist and I got him some private CBT.
He started with CBT had one session then within two days unexpectedly left the home at 5am in the morning, took a knife and sliced his wrists.
He gave himself up ad was taken to an assessment centre then put under a section 2.
He has refused most of my visits, has goe from telling me everything and me being his world to sending sometimes agressive messages, and telling me horrific things that he thinks he has done (usually these are things he has read or seen on the news).
The Drs say they are struggling to diagnose him as he does not have a presentation conducive to any disorder.
They think he is mimicing others disorders on the ward.
He has been extremely withdrawn and won’t talk to staff or leave his room. I saw him for the first time in three weeks this week, and he was just a different person, he’d lost about 2 stone in weight, looked extremely unkempt and was really confused. He kept calling me his ex wife’s and old friends names, and saying how confused he was.
Yesterday he was moved to a section 3.
I’m so scared that I will never get my husband back, I don’t care about whether he comes back to his job, or if our lifestyle has to change, I just want him back. I just can’t understand how from how he is right now that will ever happen.
I feel like I have a continual knot in my stomach, the children are really upset, my youngest is continually tearful and our teenager who is usually happy and bubbly is subdued and clingy.
Even the dog isn’t herself!
His family have also tried to support him, but they are very different to me (and him) and are adding to the pressure.
I feel devestated, and holding everything together is really hard, I have a FT high pressure job, where people rely on me, a house to run, and the children to look after and all I want to do is crawl into bed and hide, an Christmas I can’t even think about!
Sorry for such a long post