Just need to talk

Hi. I’m 30 years old, married this year to my husband who has fibromyalgia. We were together a year before moving in and then lived together for a year before his health issues. I had counselling before his diagnosis and after, and came to a good place of acceptance but lately it’s been hard.

I’m very much in “feel sorry for myself” mode the last few months. I hate this horrible invisible condition. I hate that we can’t do normal things like go out on a date or go on holiday. I hate that our time is determined by his energy and pain levels. I hate that I work full time, then come home and do all the housework and cooking and shopping. I hate that he fears having children because “what can he give to a child” I hate that my boyfriend who never had anxiety is now an anxious husband.

I’ve suffered with anxiety for many years and he was the one who got me out of my shell, he pushed me and encouraged me and helped me and now I do the same for him.

I feel like no one understands. I feel like I have no one to talk to in my darkest hours when I’m crying and grieving the loss of our life. I’m signed up to a local carers community but all the groups are ran during the week when I work. I feel very alone a lot of the time.

I don’t know what the purpose of my post was, I think just to get it off my chest, and hope that maybe someone has some thoughts on how to make this grieving feeling leave.

Thanks for reading.

Theory and reality are very different. Do you regret being married now? Want to leave?
Try to think ahead. When you are 70, looking back?

I think counselling looking at your own life, needs, dreams would be very helpful.


This is how caring can be up’s down’s good day bad day etc. Caring also changes as we age our experiences and knowledge is challenged. If you can get your head around nothing stays the same.

You need to try and develop strategies for when you feel down. Do you get anytime away from the situation. As carers we have to find outlets. These can be simple things - even if it’s just laying in the bath. Ideally, you should try have a me weekly me day.

I know it all sounds really easy and lovely. But it’s hard and sounds complicated. Just sitting in separate rooms for part of an evening. You do need to start thinking about bringing in some outside help for the home domestics.

There is no need to do everything yourself!

“feel sorry for myself”

This is quite normal and you should allow yourself to feel this way - without feeling any guilt.