Introducing me and my caring situation

Well I also inherit a year’s salary (from what I hear) i think that might cover some of the jobs but that’s if the builders I hire don’t rip me off, do half a job, take the money and run like they keep doing to mum over the years. Now she had paid tree people to sort the trees out and that hasn’t happened. I’d hate to waste a bunch of money. workmen are just not reliable

@LordJeromiah I don’t understand what you mean re inheriting a years salary? However, even if you do most of that will be taken up in paying for food, paying the heating and water bills, buying toiletries and cleaning stuff, paying the council tax and paying for house insurance, replacing anything that breaks down etc Most people have to budget and save up over several years to have building work, repairs etc done.

Learn from your Mum’s mistake don’t pay for trees to be cut etc until after the job is done.

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Well everyone keeps banging on about how a years earning are 30,000 so that is what I am inheriting. She said she’s donating 2,000 to charity of mine or her choosing.

im not sure if it’s enough for all the building work to be done plus bills and everything else (geez being a human is hard. i feel like you have to earn a million just to get by!)

I keep telling to stop paying up front to these guys but she keeps doing it but she says she would give them like a deposit up front or certain amounts because the builder people tell her they need it up front to pay this person and this equippment and so on and so forth

Hello, Lord Jeromiah. I think that Bowlingbun’s earlier idea of you joining a club with a purpose in which you are interested is very good advice. This is good way to make friends, who can in turn can give emotional and practical support.

Don’t speculate on how much you may receive in inheritance. You need to seek a job and a career, so that you can use your salary to pay your way through life, without the need to rely on social serviceds to bail you out. You could then treat any inheritance as a bonus. Do this now. Visit the Job Centre. Don’t leave it too late.

It is quite likely that when Mum passes on the house will need to be sold. It would not be in your personal interests to remain living in a huge wreck of a mansion. The only sort of person to be interested in buying it is a building firm, who would demolish it and build some small houses on the land. Don’t feel guilty about leaving the house to the bulldozer and wrecking ball. It is not your fault that things have got to this state. You need to live in a small dwelling in good condition, so that you have time to get on with building a life for yourself.

It is not unusual or unreasonable for builders to ask for a deposit up front. They do need to pay for goods before you pay them for the job. Also they need to cover themselves for the possibility of the customer cancelling the job, leaving them with goods paid for but of no use to them. Have a look at for builders with good reputations. Have any quotation for work in writing. Have a receipt for all money paid, whether in advance or later. Cowboy builders soon recognize the type of person whom they can cheat.

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Hello Denis thanks for your reply.
I wouldn’t know any or what clubs to join. Nothing ever happens around here. I think I might have told you guys before that I used to join a zumba class which happened every tuesday at about 7 pm.
Nobody really would talk to me there. I would try to join in on conversations if i had something to say but would usually get ignored! They always had a chat before the class whilst waiting for everybody to arrive before starting, i used to get there on time and just be stood around bored whilst waiting so I deliberately turned up late so I’d be on time for the class actually starting and avoid the standing around chatting part before that ha ha ha. Counter productive I know but it was soooo boring and I felt like a lemon standing there whilst a selectt few would talk with the class teacher bein the center of attention because she was very talkative and loud. So it was mainly her and other regulars that’d be going there for years talking and us newbies would be standing around listening.
Then they’d have a chat after the class would finish and I ended up once again standing around whilst small groups would form standing around and chatting and I’d be stood there on my own, out of it getting ignored yet again so I started just paying up and leaving or telling the teacher I’m off if I’d paid at the start and say see ya next week (as a few other newbies did, obvously also wanting to avoid the chat and get home, we’d all be tired and just wanna get home anyway).
It wasn’t like that when I first started going, it was a small group of us and we were all included in the chats but as it grew me and other newbies were just outsiders looking in.
On top of that they were all 30 odd 40 odd plus year old women with whom i had nothing in common! They all spoke about new homes, decorating rooms, their husbands and kids, grandkids and I was the only odd aged person there, There were about 3 young women there but they all mainly chatted and also ignored me.

I’ve honestly found it easier to talk to people since going to furry meets and pup meets (kennel klub, another event where people dress up as dogs and other animals) because they are all approachable, friendly, creative and we’d much in common. I could talk about art, costumes, the lovely outfits and other creative stuff. A lot of them even related to my being a carer for my mum and how hard it was. SOME of THEM had also been carers.

Other than that zumba class I don’t know of any other clubs except library/book clubs and church, tea coffee morning type things and knit groups. Those will mainly consist of little old ladies (which surprisingly i have more in common with than people my own age).

Well I’m currently making progress with getting on the housing list so wherever I end up moving to when I get a house or supported living accomodation hopefully will have clubs I can join for doing activities.

It would be a real shame to see this house get bulldozed. It really is a nice property and grounds. But Oh well what better way to get back at the nasty neighbours then to have their nice view of this house and lovely trees be replaced by ugly buildings/houses and have a bunch of foreigners move in. they’ll love that! As mum would say <----mum said all of that stuff. the inheritance, I’m unsure if I will lose out on as mum kept saying that if I move out she will just take me off of the will and I’ll get nothing.

Oh well if I don’t get the house it means it’s somebody else’s problem and I won’t have to do a thing regarding that. The money would’ve helped because I am unsure if at my age I’d have a chance to get a job/career that would pay me very well now. I may have to just put up with shelf stacker/cleaner/burger flipper at mcdonalds type of jobs on the education I’ve had (informal, homeschooled, no tests or qualifications of any types)
I don’t fancy doing that for all my life on minimum wage never having enough money for holidays or other luxuries or extras.
BUt I believe in the fact I’ll make it one day. Like you said “i need a small dwelling that is in good condition that I can build a proper life for myself in”.
I believe that if I live in such a clean, uncluttered, allergen and stress free place then I will get into better habits and be able to work on my art, music, story and animations and make them work for me.
I can do comics and even make youtube videos, better ones, more professional ones that’ll get more views and make more money.
As well as have a side job as well. I’ll try and get benefits and a part time job

I havent been able to find it yet but I will keep looking

There is a copy on ebay for £2.22 including postage…

The book is there - if you look for it.

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Yes, in fact lots of copies! The latest version cover says “The Relate Guide to Starting Again”.
It was first written for couples separating, but I found it applied equally to me, newly widowed, 18 years ago. Your mum, from what you have written, never encouraged you to stand on your own two feet as a fully fledged adult with qualifications, a job, and a happy life of your own. This book will help you think about what you want for the future, and how to achieve it and be happy.It’s all written in plain English (unlike some others I tried!) so I kept it by my bedside and could pick it up at any time of the day, or night, read a few lines, and then think about them. Happiness begins by sorting yourself out and being happy or content yourself.