Well I also inherit a year’s salary (from what I hear) i think that might cover some of the jobs but that’s if the builders I hire don’t rip me off, do half a job, take the money and run like they keep doing to mum over the years. Now she had paid tree people to sort the trees out and that hasn’t happened. I’d hate to waste a bunch of money. workmen are just not reliable
@LordJeromiah I don’t understand what you mean re inheriting a years salary? However, even if you do most of that will be taken up in paying for food, paying the heating and water bills, buying toiletries and cleaning stuff, paying the council tax and paying for house insurance, replacing anything that breaks down etc Most people have to budget and save up over several years to have building work, repairs etc done.
Learn from your Mum’s mistake don’t pay for trees to be cut etc until after the job is done.
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Well everyone keeps banging on about how a years earning are 30,000 so that is what I am inheriting. She said she’s donating 2,000 to charity of mine or her choosing.
im not sure if it’s enough for all the building work to be done plus bills and everything else (geez being a human is hard. i feel like you have to earn a million just to get by!)
I keep telling to stop paying up front to these guys but she keeps doing it but she says she would give them like a deposit up front or certain amounts because the builder people tell her they need it up front to pay this person and this equippment and so on and so forth
Hello, Lord Jeromiah. I think that Bowlingbun’s earlier idea of you joining a club with a purpose in which you are interested is very good advice. This is good way to make friends, who can in turn can give emotional and practical support.
Don’t speculate on how much you may receive in inheritance. You need to seek a job and a career, so that you can use your salary to pay your way through life, without the need to rely on social serviceds to bail you out. You could then treat any inheritance as a bonus. Do this now. Visit the Job Centre. Don’t leave it too late.
It is quite likely that when Mum passes on the house will need to be sold. It would not be in your personal interests to remain living in a huge wreck of a mansion. The only sort of person to be interested in buying it is a building firm, who would demolish it and build some small houses on the land. Don’t feel guilty about leaving the house to the bulldozer and wrecking ball. It is not your fault that things have got to this state. You need to live in a small dwelling in good condition, so that you have time to get on with building a life for yourself.
It is not unusual or unreasonable for builders to ask for a deposit up front. They do need to pay for goods before you pay them for the job. Also they need to cover themselves for the possibility of the customer cancelling the job, leaving them with goods paid for but of no use to them. Have a look at www.checkatrade.com for builders with good reputations. Have any quotation for work in writing. Have a receipt for all money paid, whether in advance or later. Cowboy builders soon recognize the type of person whom they can cheat.
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Hello Denis thanks for your reply.
I wouldn’t know any or what clubs to join. Nothing ever happens around here. I think I might have told you guys before that I used to join a zumba class which happened every tuesday at about 7 pm.
Nobody really would talk to me there. I would try to join in on conversations if i had something to say but would usually get ignored! They always had a chat before the class whilst waiting for everybody to arrive before starting, i used to get there on time and just be stood around bored whilst waiting so I deliberately turned up late so I’d be on time for the class actually starting and avoid the standing around chatting part before that ha ha ha. Counter productive I know but it was soooo boring and I felt like a lemon standing there whilst a selectt few would talk with the class teacher bein the center of attention because she was very talkative and loud. So it was mainly her and other regulars that’d be going there for years talking and us newbies would be standing around listening.
Then they’d have a chat after the class would finish and I ended up once again standing around whilst small groups would form standing around and chatting and I’d be stood there on my own, out of it getting ignored yet again so I started just paying up and leaving or telling the teacher I’m off if I’d paid at the start and say see ya next week (as a few other newbies did, obvously also wanting to avoid the chat and get home, we’d all be tired and just wanna get home anyway).
It wasn’t like that when I first started going, it was a small group of us and we were all included in the chats but as it grew me and other newbies were just outsiders looking in.
On top of that they were all 30 odd 40 odd plus year old women with whom i had nothing in common! They all spoke about new homes, decorating rooms, their husbands and kids, grandkids and I was the only odd aged person there, There were about 3 young women there but they all mainly chatted and also ignored me.
I’ve honestly found it easier to talk to people since going to furry meets and pup meets (kennel klub, another event where people dress up as dogs and other animals) because they are all approachable, friendly, creative and we’d much in common. I could talk about art, costumes, the lovely outfits and other creative stuff. A lot of them even related to my being a carer for my mum and how hard it was. SOME of THEM had also been carers.
Other than that zumba class I don’t know of any other clubs except library/book clubs and church, tea coffee morning type things and knit groups. Those will mainly consist of little old ladies (which surprisingly i have more in common with than people my own age).
Well I’m currently making progress with getting on the housing list so wherever I end up moving to when I get a house or supported living accomodation hopefully will have clubs I can join for doing activities.
It would be a real shame to see this house get bulldozed. It really is a nice property and grounds. But Oh well what better way to get back at the nasty neighbours then to have their nice view of this house and lovely trees be replaced by ugly buildings/houses and have a bunch of foreigners move in. they’ll love that! As mum would say <----mum said all of that stuff. the inheritance, I’m unsure if I will lose out on as mum kept saying that if I move out she will just take me off of the will and I’ll get nothing.
Oh well if I don’t get the house it means it’s somebody else’s problem and I won’t have to do a thing regarding that. The money would’ve helped because I am unsure if at my age I’d have a chance to get a job/career that would pay me very well now. I may have to just put up with shelf stacker/cleaner/burger flipper at mcdonalds type of jobs on the education I’ve had (informal, homeschooled, no tests or qualifications of any types)
I don’t fancy doing that for all my life on minimum wage never having enough money for holidays or other luxuries or extras.
BUt I believe in the fact I’ll make it one day. Like you said “i need a small dwelling that is in good condition that I can build a proper life for myself in”.
I believe that if I live in such a clean, uncluttered, allergen and stress free place then I will get into better habits and be able to work on my art, music, story and animations and make them work for me.
I can do comics and even make youtube videos, better ones, more professional ones that’ll get more views and make more money.
As well as have a side job as well. I’ll try and get benefits and a part time job
I havent been able to find it yet but I will keep looking
There is a copy on ebay for £2.22 including postage…
The book is there - if you look for it.
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Yes, in fact lots of copies! The latest version cover says “The Relate Guide to Starting Again”.
It was first written for couples separating, but I found it applied equally to me, newly widowed, 18 years ago. Your mum, from what you have written, never encouraged you to stand on your own two feet as a fully fledged adult with qualifications, a job, and a happy life of your own. This book will help you think about what you want for the future, and how to achieve it and be happy.It’s all written in plain English (unlike some others I tried!) so I kept it by my bedside and could pick it up at any time of the day, or night, read a few lines, and then think about them. Happiness begins by sorting yourself out and being happy or content yourself.
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Hello again, Lord Jeromiah. It sound as though the Zumba class was not a good choice, being a bit of a niche organization for minority interests. But we all need to try things, and not everything we try will work out. Look for a club where you would have a common interest with the members. You have expressed an interest in art, so this is one to seek. Citizens’ Advice may be able to help you with such organizations in your area. With your isolated upbringing, you have lost out in developing social skills so you need to work on this. Have you bought the book that others are recommending?
Churches and associated coffee mornings would be a better step forward if you find that you have something in common with these people. Don’t worry about the age gap. These people are usually very welcoming to younger people; the don’t have as many younger members as they would like.
So what do you mean by “progress”? Have you been along to the council, social services or a housing association and discussed the possibilities. My experience is that social services allocate available housing according to priorities. High priorities include people with children, single parents, ex prisoners, evicted ex-tenants and other people genuinely homeless. They will see you as a single, childless person already with a roof over your head. If they add you to the list at all, you will wait till kingdom come to be allocated a home. This is not what you want to hear but you must be realistic. Enquire by all means but don’t expect an instant solution.
I said in my previous post that you should not speculate future finances on what you expect to receive in a will. Ignore these threats from your mum. In any case, in view of what I have said above, you are not likely to be moving out any time soon. What you need to do now is seek a job and start to earn income instead of relying on benefits.
You cannot expect a high-flying job just yet but everyone has to start at the bottom. If you do your job well you have a good chance of promotion.
For example, stacking supermarket shelves is a job that, like all others, needs to be done properly - you need to pay attention to having labels facing forwards and arrange things in order of best-by date and remove date-expired items. You could use your artistic talent to think up eye-catching displays of promotions, and be one above the crowd. A supermarket would gladly offer you training so you could progress to higher-paid jobs within. One thing certain - you will never be able to afford holidays or luxuries if you rely on benefits all your life.
LJ - I can see some positive thinking in your closing paragraphs. I must make some adjustments, however. Your art must be your “side job”. You would need to market yourself and any income would be small and irregular at first. You need to have a payroll job with an employer, and full-time, not part-time. Certainly accept benefits that you are entitled to at present, but work towards a career, where you will not need benefits. You will gain much more control over your life.
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yeah I know, its hard to do though seen as how everyone around me is usually negative, not gender affirming or affirming in any way.
I’ve taken a blow this week. Been up and down with my moods and its largely down to negative people. I build myself up with happiness and positivity and then boom, another negative person comes along and criticises me in some way, and ruins my positive mood.
Like monday i felt great, tuesday I got some guy saying i come across sad (not sad as in emotion but sad as in pathetic, loser, lonely, all that good stuff) that made me feel bad because I don’t want the world, people, to see me as this sad, pathetic loser but rather someone to look up to, revere, admire.
So now I worry that despite the positive vibes i put out there and playful manor and “i don’t care, I’ll dress/do/be what i want and enjoy it” thing people are just still seeing some loser with no life, no friends, no family, just stuck in a sh** life as a carer slave for their parent that still gets bullied and owned by the local scumbags. not cool, this can’t be my identity surely!
I was finally starting to take back control of my life and feel good about myself and be proud of what I’ve acheived so far then people come along and say nasty stuff like this.
Then I had a guy recently with a silly name “facial abuse pro” who I’ve been talking to on and off for 2 years and he seems fascinating. He’s like me and believes himself to be nobility. This is great, good for him, but he does not see me as same, as kin. He doesn’t accept me as an equal, or male in fact, so he’s not gender affirming or person affirming to me and that made me feel bad. He said that I am a woman, and because I’m a woman I cannot be nobility and powerful in any way even though I told him my situation and he agreed that my mum is, in his words, eating me up, and I need to take back control (and in his own words “you need to take back control, even though I don’t agree women should have power or control”) this affirms he agrees I need control and power, if only over my own life, but ultimately he thinks that women should just remain under the rule of men.
He told me today that I should stop all this wanting to be male and gaining power BS and just try to get a man, get married and I’ll be all set. I can get away from my mother and live a happy and comfortable life.
He told me I am a satanist and akin to a feminist because I want power. he said feminism is satanism.
Still thinks I should stop the wanting to be male BS and just be a woman, live as one and accept my fate. That I am against God because God put me in the body of a woman and that’s what He wants and if I go against it then I’m rejecting God.
Then he said that one of my male ancestors might be possessing me and that he may be trying to work through me to achieve some goal or other and it’s demonic and I should reject it and say “no, i want to just be me, myself”.
I did have this thought in the past that perhaps somebody may be possessing me and trying to work through me. but I don’t think its satanic or demonic, it feels good, right and like it’s being done to help me rather than do me a disservice and be bad for me like he said.
We got into an argument and I blocked him and deleted the messages in the end. I told him that if anything YOU are satan or sent to me by satan because you and others like you (the haters and people trying to bully and bring me down, judge me or not believe in me) are sent to make me feel bad about myself and doubt myself and completely dismantal all my hard work of bigging myself up, my confidence and my power in myself and over others.
He accused me of rejecting men and sex and that I think, like other feminists, that all men are toxic, evil, bad and sex is bad and that I’m paranoid and i should just stop worrying about sex and men being bad and toxic.
I said no I do not feel that all men and sex is bad and toxic but I have to be careful not to enter into an abusive relationship or get used and dumped for sex or get STDs and so on.
He said men are logical and practical so they don’t worry about that stuff. I said yes but women do have to worry about this stuff so if you want me to be a woman I still can’t just jump into it now that would NOT be practical!
He thinks I should just wait for the first offer of marriage by a stable men and stop being picky and just settle for any old garbage.
I can’t do that or I may end up in a mess!
He seems to just want me to cowtow to everyone and stop being big headed and arrogant or whatever.
I said if I did that then that would not be good for me either.
No matter what i could not make him understand. He just didn’t respect me as a woman, or trans male or even just as a person struggling in a hard situation. He thinks the solution is being cinderella and waiting for my prince to come and rescue me.
I told him I have tried all that and it’s never happened!
So he said that it’s because im too picky and not accepting the first tom dick or harry’s marriage proposals.
I told him I haven’t had any! I said well if you’re so smart then you do it, you rescue me and marry me then but all you want is casual sex, so i know you won’t.
he said “well being married to you would be awful because you would never want to have sex”
bloody nightmare this guy.
he finished off by saying that i should go to india and get raped by guys there and then the cops will rape me and then the doctor will rape me and apparently thats what women want and call an adventure or some BS. That was it I blocked him. I said “yep I’ll do that” just sarcastically because this guy is clearly trying to wind me up so i deleted the conversation.
I felt like a huge burden had been lifted when i blocked him.
Then my mum started on me of course!
he made me late doing dinner because of the argument so now my mum had ago at me and I was drained, hungry, tired, exhausted and achy all over especially my hip and had a headache coming on.
now at 4 am i finally have some peace and quiet and rest and able to reply to you guys, sorry for this long rant!
I wish my therapy session was tomorrow so I can relay to her.
I have to wait until wednesday!
she made me feel so happy wednesday and then this happened thursday!
So you see it’s really hard to gain happiness and maintain it!
I’d need to be around positive and gender/person affirming people all the time and right now I don’t have that.
Even if I move house I can’t be guaranteed that I will have that.
What if I move and still get treated like garbage?
What if I work and the same?
She did used to encourage me to get a career and stuff but she didn’t believe in college. She thought it was a waste of time, money and stressful up the wazzoo and not worth it. She just told me I can go to college to learn whatever i needed to learn at the time for whatever career I picked.
I feel it was my fault because i took my time deciding on a career but i didn’t know what I’d enjoy or what would suit me so because I can draw and paint real good my mum did encourage me to make being an artist my career and not even bother to get a job or any kind of side hustle.
my mum herself tried a bunch of online businesses and work from home jobs but she didn’t understand them or get the right help so she gave up on them and failed.
First was herbalife and then some andrew reynolds and steven mcgquire seminars and stuff idk.
she bought all these seminars on CDS on how to go into business but the mentor guy never bothered to talk to her on the phone as he promises in his advert things.
But anyway the next thing I know my mum is disabled and now because I’m at home and not doing anything(married, kids, house, career) she thinks she can rope me into being her carer.
She said later on when i used to complain that she never forced me into it but i chose to do it. I said i agreed to it because and I quite “what would happen if i refused? you would probably ask me to leave wouldn’t you” and yes she confirmed she would have “right so I’m not going to risk homelessness and refuse now am I?” or being told im a horrible “daughter” and being threatened that she will tell everybody how horrible I am for refusing to look after my mum. She said im supposed to love her and care for her… blegh
yeah I’ve been to 2 art classes when I was younger, no offence but i found them boring. I preferred to do art on my own and during the day. The 2nd art class was at 7 pm and i was exhausted because happened to be on a day I’d been out all day with mum so of course she’s exhausting ha ha.
i remember thinking I’d rather be going out partying or clubbing with younger people because it was just mainly older people at these classes. I thought the people were lovely honestly but lke i said it was a bit boing to me just sitting around in my uncomfortable clothes painting when i could be doing that in my comfy PJs in the comfort of my own home XD. I’m more of an active doer with things like this.
Itr’s ok tho I now go to kennel klub and club lash which are really fun but they’re only on once a month.
I’ll find a club that suits me best one of these days, maybe a nice walking club or dog walking/training or a sport of some kind, maybe football that’s quite fun.
that sounds really nice but unfortunately im not a morning person. It might be a while before I’ll be able to reset my routine to be one. my routine is on going to bed at 5 am and waking up at 5 pm, earliest I’ve been awake in ages actually.
my mum keeps me up until 3 4 am to get her her last cup of tea and if i got up and out in mornings she will say “oh i see so you can get up to go to coffee mornings and chat to strangers but you can’t get up to clean the house and help me and wait on me and look after me”.
well they said i won’t be waiting long. that worries me coz I don’t even think I’m ready to move out and live on my own. I fluctuate between confident and scared shitless if i was to receive the news of “right a house is available for you, it’s now time to inform your mum, suffer the consequences and face doom all on your own” lol so ya im in no rush! The wait doesn’t bother me. But if mum were to give me a hard time again then I would let them know I’d need to be made high priority. They said if I’m ever scared mum is going insane again then I would be made high priority due to the domestic abuse aspect. So if I am ever desparate due to mum getting on my case again and being worse then I will be bumped up on the waiting list. Heck even my friend Becky and new friend Lucas said I could live with them if I’m ever really in need
I have followed your posts and I have to agree with the advice most people have given you. However, any solution to your situation starts with you making some changes. Nothing is going to be ‘given to you on a plate’. YOU need to work for it.
You say people around you are negative and gender affirming. You need to understand that not everyone will think the same way as you and there are a LOT of people who want to ‘use’ others and enjoy hurting others. Don’t assume because someone makes on nice comment they will be a perfect person. It is like so many online scams where people are befriended then defrauded. You fall for the flattery and then are ‘defrauded’ of friendship by their abuse. I fear this is down to your naivety and lack of experience of the world in general. I presume, other than a couple of people you mention, all your contacts are online. This is fraught with danger as you have no idea with whom you are conversing. Remember - PEOPLE LIE - not everyone is honest about themselves and often have ulterior motives. Perhaps they ‘get off’ on winding up others or causing upset and pain - for their own perverted pleasure. I recall an online conversation years ago when a younger guy had proclaimed he never had sex with anyone who had HIV. I asked how he knew if they had HIV and he replied ‘well, they would tell me…’ How naive was that? It was only after I explained at length that some people may not know their status or may even LIE about it that his eyes were suddenly opened and he was shocked! I venture to suggest that such “innocence” may be one of the issues you have.
You say your Mum is controlling and that results in you being up til 5am and then sleeping through the day. The solution to that is in your hands. If you constantly give in to her (cowtow to use your word) then you will perpetuate HER behaviour. She may be disabled, but that does not give her any right to control your life. If she wants a hot drink at 4am - prepare a thermos for her before you go to bed, so she can have it whenever she wants without disturbing you. You appear to allow her to control you by telling you off and shouting at you. Try saying ‘NO’ sometimes - you may get a tantrum or anger from her, but she has to learn. You say you are her slave but in this case, you are allowing her to enslave you by going along with everything she demands.
You’ve previously stated you could become an architect or an illustrator but to do that YOU need to make steps to MAKE it happen. It’s no good constantly saying ‘I could be’ or ‘I could do’ but then expecting things to fall into your lap. It simply will not happen.
The Housing Department, as @Denis_1610 has said, will regard you as a very low priority. You already have a home, you are single with no dependents (they will not consider Mum as she owns her own home) so you cannot expect any help there. Again, don’t look for POSSIBLE financial windfalls in the future as nothing can be guaranteed.
The suggestion of joining a club was not, I think, meant to point you in the direction of Club Lash or Kennel Klub. Again, you need to separate out escapist or fetish clubs from those where you can learn social skills and interact with people in general. It can be wonderful to escape from reality for a while. I can give you a long list of clubs and events I have attended over the years (in UK and abroad) from Alert, XXL, The Eagle, oops I won’t list them all as I’d be here for ages and probably embarrass myself or shock a few people!! I had a great fun and met lots of “interesting”/like minded people. Suffice to say these are all great for a night out or a weekend of fun, but at the end of the day, Monday morning comes around and REAL LIFE begins again. People at those events are there to have fun and leave the problems of the real world behind and you need to be very clear about that definition. I have friends who enjoy ‘pupping out’ - one works for Lidl and has his own house, because he worked for it. I am not judging you for your ‘escapist’ time, but you appear to be focussed on that more than finding a solution to what you say are the problems in your life. It doesn’t matter to me the gender identity of anyone, but don’t fall into the trap of using that as an ‘excuse’. I once worked in a situation where a telephone caller said ‘you’re only saying that cos I am black’. My response was ‘I can’t see what colour you are over the phone and by the way can you tell me what colour I am?’ He wanted to ‘play the race card’ to get his own way. I have known others say ‘I am gay so you must treat me differently’. Again - none of that matters and all it does is hurt those who are the victims of real prejudice. Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking ‘oh woe is me’.
It’s been pointed out that you cannot expect to step into a Senior job without ‘learning the ropes’. You sound like my nephew’s girlfriend who moans that they rent a house but doesn’t seem to understand that if she wants a four bed house like ours they need to get a foot on the property ladder as it ain’t gonna fall in their laps! Life doesn’t work like that, more’s the pity.
I’ve been fairly blunt, but you do need to take a step back and have a long hard look at what you want and how YOU can achieve it. Without doing that you will continue on the roundabout you are currently on and get nowhere. Good luck with taking the first steps.
Probably one of the safest ways of meeting new people would be by going to an adult education class. Most reasonable jobs want at least a GCSE in English and Maths. Your written English is excellent, if you followed the course I doubt it would be challenging for you, so you could do maths at the same time. Tell mum that it’s really important you fill in the gaps in your education that were her fault, and one day you will have to stand on your own two feet. At home, you then have another reason for her to leave you alone. Decide on set “study times” and stick firmly to them. Do not let her derail your study. Before study time make her a flask, etc. then LOCK YOUR DOOR. You are not available! This discipline will help you not just study, but also control mum’s demands! Maybe remind her, using the same phrase repeatedly, that “I’m your son not your slave,”
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Hello again, Lord Jeromiah. Two years is far too long to be talking to a guy like this. I am glad you blocked him at last and ended the relationship. Don’t keep listening to someone who criticises you and tries to tell you to turn into someone that you are not? It is no wonder that your positive mood gets ruined.
There is, unfortunately, still a lot of antipathy towards people who are gay, lesbian or trans-sexual. This is largely due to misunderstanding and fear. To be honest, I am not sure I entirely understand these feelings myself. What I can say is that I know some such people. They are well able to integrate with society, contribute with their jobs and voluntary activities and be sound and upright citizens. I believe in accepting them for what they are.
I paticularly dislike religious bigots who claim that God makes judgements and wants us to lead miserable lives. I am a lifelong Christian and churchgoer. The God that I worship loves us because He made us, and wishes us to love our neighbours. Talk about ancestors possessing us is utter rubbish. These bigots have no basis, from the Bible or elsewhere, for their false creeds. In fact the Holy Bible itself warns us against them.
False prophets appeared in the past . . . and in the same way false teachers will appear among you. They will bring in destructive, untrue doctrines, and will deny the Master who redeemed them, and so they will bring upon themselves sudden destruction. (2 Peter, 2:1)
You are being honest with yourself here, aren’t you! In truth you are ambivalent about moving out from the security of your mother’s home, and it is not just for fear of your mother’s possible reaction. It is good that you have friends that could put you up if things got really rough - provided these people are not other bigots also trying to reform you. Face the truth; you are not going to be moving out any time soon. You have the security of a home, and a base from which you can seek employment and in due course gain a position in which you can search for new accommodation that you can afford. Avoid stand-offs with your mother over the possibility of your leaving home; it is not going to happen for a while. If she threatens to kick you out she is probably bluffing.
Will you be putting your clocks forward on March 31? It sounds as though your mother is operating on New Zealand time! Swap a.m. and p.m. and she is about there.
The human being is not naturally a nocturnal animal. We operate best by working at day and sleeping at night. That is how society in general works. If you operate at odd hours you will not be in syncronization with society and you will find it more difficult to meet people and form relationships. That is unless you find a job that requires working constant night shifts. (Such jobs are not too difficult to find; not many people want them.) Chris’s long reply is very much too the point and his idea of using a vacuum flask to provide your mum with coffee during the night is a good one. You can extend this idea further for daytime meals. Do you have a microwave oven? These are handy for heating up meals prepared in advance.
Summing up, there is an old saying: “Opportunity knocks but once.” My interpretation of that is that opportunity rarely knocks at all. Better off to go forth and seek opportunities, rather than wait for them to fall into your lap.
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you’re scaring me there miss bun, you know math is not my strong suit, it’s a bit of phobia fuel for me. its not mums fault, it was me, ok, I was the one who insisted on not doing it because i was so scared to appear stuipid for my agegroup (age of which I should know a specific level of mathematics) it didn’t help that if i did get answers wrong she would act like i should know it or be able to work it out. as a child, math is abstract. I am a visual and literal person. Abstract concepts rarely sank it. I’m rubbish at numbers but I’m excellent at language and pretty much any other subject in the entire universe. If jobs required a GCSE in english, history, art, music, dog training,fashion and styling, makeup, film-making-blogging, cult studies, I’d be aces but heck, I’m so insecure about it that i don’t wanna show myself up to another human being by getting tested. A guy I met at the kink club has offered to tutor me, real nice guy, seems to take everybody under his wing. still nervous about it.
Anyway, other than that, telling my mum “noi i won’t do it, do it yourself” or the like is also very anxiety inducing. I know she will shout, scream and even punish me in her ways or tell me why her request is reasonable and why I’M wrong to refuse. Usaully because i don’t do enough or don’t contribute enough to the household. Tonight i gave her her last cup of tea (a special tea for helping you sleep this time, she has loads, hence why i cant just make up a flask of it ) and she assurred me she wouldn’t bother me again after that but then she rang me whilst i was in the middle of my own tea and crumpet going on about how there was no sugar in her sleepy tea and accuse me of putting her on a diet.
i said no i was not aware i hadn’t put sugar in, as far as i knew I had put sugar in all of them.
she told me to come and put sugar in it and i told her why can’t she do it and she put the phone down on me and i heard her groaning about her back hurting and calling me a lazy b* t ch twice.
i made voice recording of her moaning about me. she didn’t have ago at me but im sure she will punish me in some way for that “well seen as how you refused to do this then i won’t help you with whatever it is you need help with or whatever”
I feel rather sick right now with worry but hopefully it will just make her realise im willing to do less…
she’s already booked somebody to come and do her feet and say “right thats less for you dto do” and when i said that’s great she said “yep but it’s coming out of your money” i was shocked but she is insisting. so now i had to agree to do it myself in future.
its not fair. i cannot cut her toenails they are too hard, but you can bet you booty that she will slag me off to the woman telling her that I should be doing it as her carer but im such a terrible carer and person i wont do it and how i neglect her. same with the house i bet.
You need to learn basic maths as part of your Escape Plan. Another area of your life mum has completely failed you, but you CAN learn. Think of it as Survival Maths, it’s absolutely vital. I was lucky, dad had a maths degree and became a top scientist, so I could ask him to help me understand something, but I was much better at English, and had top marks for that. A lot of M’s staff say they don’t understand accounts, but when I have talked them through what is needed they can’t believe how simple it is! From today, write down at the same time of the day, how much you have in your purse or wherever you keep your money. Keep all your receipts when you buy anything. Every day, at the same time, write down what you spend. Use a calculator and add up what you spend. Count what money is left at the end of the day. There is no magic, nothing to trip you up. The amount in your purse at the end of the day is the amount at the beginning of the day less whatever you spent. Just get into the routine of doing this every single day. Think of this as your first step to freedom. You then need to record when you put money in your purse.
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Alright miss bun,
you and your dad can teach me if you would.
it seeems almost impossible for Lee to tutor me as he’s always busy with work.
Always going off one place or another.
Also you and the others don’t worry i know what i want to do for work.
I want a job in show biz, either as a dancer or performer of some sort. I’ve discovered I’m excellent at doing belly dance and ballet.
So Imma save for ballet and dance classes.
side hussle of course is patreon (i sell dance and art videos and pictures on there)
ko-fi and youtube i earn money from that and I am now becoming dedicated to making videos and art for it every day.
I’m going to start dance videos for it soon. I’ve had lots of requests for that.
so art is side hussle but i wanna make a series of animations of my characters jeromiah, Daisy, the supreme ruler and their kittens.
I just need to find people to animate for me and be at my disposal because i wanna really work with someone on this and get the animations perfect. Then imma start a gofundme and a kickstarter foor my animations of jeromiah’s story and the entire “the jeromiah project” and
I’ve already started on the book and my autobiography about my life and how I am getting stronger, more confident and doing my escape plans.
There’s so much I wanna do but I am aware i have to pick a career path.
It’s really hard to choose between art/animation/music and dancing. I love them all so I’ll do one as my main and the other as side hussle but i definitely wanna start my animation company.
I’ve started saving for all these things.
I can’t even touch my paypal fund. I have enough in there to pay an animator to do at least a couple animations so far.
the blooming things, for just a 3 minute aimated video cost me 1500! thats so steep and stooopid.
unfortunately my friend who was going to do it for free and cheap has bailed because she got a job in media.
SO NOW i’m going to have to pay some crappy fiverr aimations, gawd their animations are soooooo bad :S
As an artist ametur artist, I have to give you the advice that spending 1500 on other peoples work is doing nothing to improve your skills. You are putting money info other peoples pockets, don’t get me wrong it’s brilliant that you support creatives, but why not learn to do this stuff yourself.
Also never discredit people on fiverr. The site is wrong on so many levels for artists, it’s so exploitative. The art is ‘bad’ because you paid a fiver for it. These people have feelings too and may be in your position of trying to make it. Everyone starts somewhere. Support fellow artists rather than putting them down.
With £1500 you can easily get yourself a second hand iPad with an Apple Pencil and pro create. I got all mine about a month ago for just under £400. It’s an iPad 10 so very up to date and in excellent condition. Pro create is only £13.
Failing that you could get a laptop and a drawing pad such as an xp-pen or a Wacom both are very reputable. There are plenty of options available. There is an excellent free program called Krita which is just like Adobe illustrator or infinity.
I have both.
Watch YouTube videos, get books from the library. Look at other creatives on Instagram.
Just learn how to do these things for yourself. You say you want to work on yourself, but part of the joy is learning how to do it. I myself can spend many hours binging a series whilst on my iPad perfecting art, only for it to never see the light of day because I’m worried it’s not good enough. But you know what, it’s not about what other people think. It’s a learning curve. It’s not about making money. It’s about you, you don’t have to be a great artist. You just have to enjoy it, If you don’t we’ll find another hobby.
Disney plus has some excellent resources on learning how to do animation.
Read up on the 12 principles of animation and the types of animation. Learn about the history and the perception of movement through people such as Edward Muaybridge, who is technically the one who started the whole thing. Learn about all the techniques they used many years ago such as contraptions such as the Zoetrope, the bird in the cage or the magic lantern. Then there’s stuff like flip books which I’m sure you will know about.
I’m not a Disney fan perse, but I do like it. Learn how they were able to animate characters through techniques such as rotoscoping. Learn the types of animation, CGI, kinetic typography, cell animation, claymation, stop motion and many others. Learn the frame rates of different animation and how different rates have a different affect on the scene depending on pacing.
Animation goes so much more beyond anime too, it’s an art form in its own right.
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LJ I am going to be blunt with you.
Reading through your posts it seems you have loads of wishes and ideas but don’t follow through on any of them. In your last post you listed numerous things you say you want to do, but have you actually focussed on ANY of them?
@Coolcar98 is quite right, bad mouthing other on fivver is doing nothing to help you develop any skills of your own and saying you HAVE to spend £1500 on their work, which you say is rubbish, is simply rude. How would you feel if someone said that about any drawings/animations you produced?
I think you are finding excuses for not doing anything. You need to stop and sit down; write a list of what YOU want to achieve - it does not have to be an exhaustive list, but enough to focus your mind. Then actually get on and DO SOMETHING instead of talking about it and getting nowhere.
Plenty of people have given you advice on here and you still go round in circles. Yes, I know that taking the first step is hard, but if you don’t take that one, there will be no other steps afterwards. Stop saying 'I can create videos of this that and the other and produce animated series. You are NOT producing anything.
When I sat down to write, I didn’t know where it would take me. I now find that when I MAKE THE TIME, my characters wake up and write their stories for me. I have reached the stage where I now have to sort out publishing the first volume. That is a BIG step for me, as I really wasn’t sure if the work was good enough. Now I am planning to speak to a local author to get some advice and then move forward to self-publishing, worked out what I need to do in order to get that done - including doing something I have never wanted to do - open a FB account in order to be ready to promote the book. Do I decide to pay a professional Editor to go through my manuscript and check for errors? I need an artist to design a cover (even if it is an ebook). Do I want an audio recording? I will need to pay a professional narrator to do that work and edit the recording. Considerations, but I don’t sit back and say “I could do all this” and moan when it doesn’t happen by magic. It has taken a while to get the courage to do each of these things BUT I HAVE TAKEN THE STEPS and stopped talking about it or finding excuses and distractions. YOU need to do the same. Stop talking and DO -otherwise you will be in this same position in ten years time.
With regard to your Mother, you’ve said she phones you demanding drinks etc. Well there is a VERY simple solution - DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. If it is a mobile, switch it OFF (they do have OFF switches!). If a landline, unplug it of take it ‘off the hook’… You are allowing her to control you and you do have a solution to that.
May I suggest you stop and read some of the advice people have given you over the last year or so? Have you taken any of that on board or are you just going round in circles?
We all know caring is bl**dy hard work. I am completely exhausted by my situation and, like others, dream of being free to do what I want WHEN I want, but that ain’t gonna happen. YOU have it within your power to make changes, but the only person who can exact that change is YOU and ONLY if you want to.
I said I was going to be blunt, and I have. It’s tough, but you really need to take a long hard look at what you want from your life and how you can achieve it. Escaping with Furries for an evening or two is fine but you still have to live in the real world. Hey, I have done things to escape reality in the past and it’s been wonderful, but at the end of the day we all have to come back to the real world situations. I strongly recommend you stop saying ‘I could do’ or ‘I could be’ all the time and get on and actually DO ONE THING. The sense of achievement you will get will enable you to move on to more things in your wish list and that is the way to move forward.
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Well the stuff on fiverr isn’t what I’m looking for but I am not prepared to pay another 1500 for what I’m not looking.
So, in order to do the animated series I would need a whole team of animators and I’m prepared to pay them but I really need the animation to be exactly as I want it even if it’s really simple and cram} py (and what I mean by crap qy doesnt mean bad as such I just mean sort of amateur but I don’t mean it as an insult)
I would be more than happy to animate, myself, as well. But I would prefer to do it as part of a team because although yes I could learn how to animate it myself but it would take me a very long time to just animate one complex movement.
Even Disney didn’t create his films all by himself. Maybe his first little shorts that he did of mickey and other little character. I knew he did those by himself but when he did his proper series and films he hired a team of animators to do it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am willing to put in the work to learn because it all sounds interesting and very fun. I’m willing to research how to do it and get all the stuff I need and practice and watch tutorials and I will do these things.
I thank you both for the advice. I will definitely do them.
I have decided that I can’t do ballet or dance because my hip has recently got worse and it’s so painful so I have decided to definitely dedicate my time and career on artwork and animation.
I’m definitely going to go through with all of your advice.
I think doing what you both say is going to help which is just taking the first steps toward it so now I’ve given up on my old draw tablet that doesn’t work anymore. My pc has broke so now I got a new laptop due to my dad and I’ve now got a new draw tablet which happens to be the XP pen one you recommended and I’ve now got krita on it.
I have already started painting on krita again and making art. And I will start learning how to animate soon