Not sure if this the right area for this post. My husband is incontinent at night. He wear pull on protective pants and I also protect to bed with a disposable sheets, and his pillows also have protective covers ,however I’m woken during the night as he is soaked through , and I need to change him , wash him, and change the bedding. What am I doing wrong. I’m exhausted with this nightly problem.

Hi, do you know if there is a continence nurse in your area? I remember using this for my brother, who was bedridden. It took ages to locate this nurse and she came and advised.
What we used was a system instead of a catheter, which consisted of a system pulled on and attached to a bag that collected the urine. The bag was hung on the side of the bed. It wasn’t an indwelling catheter. I can’t remember the name of the system but I think there must be newer ones. I don’t know if this would work or be necessary for your husband.

Hi Angela,

I hope you are able to track down the incontinence nurse - they are very knowledgeable.

In the meantime take a look at this
I think this might be what Greta is referring too.


Melly, mine really was called a continence nurse, not an incontinence nurse! A bit like the use of the term ‘mental health’ when it isn’t… and I remember now, my neighbour across the road turned out to be an ex-continence nurse, but why the GP couldn’t trace them I have no idea. It occurs to me that the device is also called a sheath.

Request a referral to a urology clinic.


We have the same issue right now.

Graham has started on therapy for Prostate Cancer and suddenly we have a MAJOR issue with continence. He already had some pads/pants after an operation on prostate 3 years ago. Now it has got MUCH worse.

District Nurse got Bowel and Bladder team to supply pads, but these are suddenly no use. Managed to speak to her again and she has requested urgent supply of much more absorbent pads.

Currently he cannot get through a night without a flood. I joke and say I have the shallow end of the bed!! He cannot sleep properly as he fears the soaking. When he does manage and relaxes, his bladder lets go completely. Trying to find out from Uro-oncology if this could be linked to shrinking the huge tumour he has to something else.

It’s now starting to hit me as I am tired and fed up - he is miserable and embarrassed despite me playing it down and saying it isn’t a big issue.

Today is the third morning I started the day by stripping the entire bed as even the duvet is wet. Today it had even got past the mattress protector and soaked the mattress. Not sure what more I can do other than put him in a bin liner every night!

Any comments, suggestions or whatever would be appreciated.

Being blunt, he cannot wear a sheath as - erm - he cannot keep one in place. Hormone therapy has ‘shrunk everything down there’…

Is Graham able to get in and out of bed to toilet? I had a paraplegic friend and she had to use the toilet every so many hours otherwise she had accidents. Her husband had to do this but at least it meant no wet beds.

1 Like

I should think you are exhausted! I am sure the continence nurse can help. Sounds like his padded pants are not sufficient for him.

Hi Penny

I should have made it clear. Graham had a stroke 12 months ago and is OK but wobbly (so I need to wake n the night if he gets up to make sure he doesnt fall) he IS able to get in and out of bed, and is fine when he feels the urge to wee. The problem is that when he is able to get to sleep and relaxes he doesn’t realise til it is too late that his bladder has relaxed and released.

Until recently he was up 3 or 4 times a night and, apart from totally destroyed sleep pattern, we could ‘cope’ with that. Obviously the problems now have the knock on effect of a huge burden of extra work with the washing and drying meaning my time is taken with that - along with rocketing electric bill for running the machines. Ho hum. I am hoping continence team will do something and not go with their usual ‘we will get a supply to you in about six to eight weeks’ (I bet if THEY had to change a bed every day they would speed up that service) and either uro-oncology or GP can find some way to help.

In the meantime I am buying different pads/pants to see if I can find some which work for him - not cheap, but its a cost we have to bear to maintain some sort of dignity for him.


Heya. You can always contact a continence nurse as a first port of call. Alternatively you can seek advice from a urologist working in a hospital. Otherwise call the Bowel and Bladder Foundation tomorrow morning in order to see what they can do to assist. Good luck. There are many different products that can help. is a good place to start.