I’m new to the forum and just really need to help and advice please. This is going to be a long one so I apologise in advance.
For the last 4 years my life has been a nightmare. My husband is an army veteran and suffers with severe mental health issues, mainly PTSD. But alongside his PTSD he has developed psychosis. He has had 4 episodes now since his first one in 2017, 5 weeks after our first child was born. As a result of the psychosis he has now been sectioned 4 times and is currently in a mental health hospital, we are 3 months in now. The last time was severe as he tried to take his own life, had I jot found him when I did, that would have been it.
Whilst I know my husband has severe issues, he just doesn’t help himself. Whilst he appreciates he has PTSD, he doesn’t believe he’s ever really been psychotic. As a result, he doesn’t feel the need to take medication as it makes he feel awful and to be fair it does. I have reiterated this to doctors so many times but were still on the same meds. Anyway, he takes these for a time and then stops becuase he feels so awful.
Whilst he’s off medication he self medicates with alcohol and previously weed. He stopped smoking weed nearly 3 years ago as weed was considered to be a contributing factor to the psychosis. This time he wasn’t smoking weed so we can now rule that out. Which is a worry because I now believe he’ll go back to smoking it which I absolutely hate!
He is due to be discharged on 10th June and he thinks he can just come home and do what ever he likes. Everytime I question him about if he’s gojng to drink everyday or smoke or not take his meds he throws his toys out of the pram and says hes gojng to leave me. I’m not acruslly allowed to question him about these things he says he’s a free person and no one is going to tell him what he can and can’t do.
The trouble is, we have 2 children in the middle of this. If we weren’t together I would have to fight for custody of my children and deny access to them due to the fact that his behaviour is so erratic I could never let my children just go with him without being with him permanently in order to analyse his behaviour. But at the same time I don’t want to be living on the edge having him home drinking all the time etc. I do not think thats a suitable environment for my children but when I say this he calls me a control freak. So the way it is is, if the children are to have their father, he has to be home with us and they adore him and he adores them too but not enough to sort himself out. I know this probably all sounds crazy but I’m so stuck. At the moment he is leaving me becuase I questioned his meds. I love him dearly but if he comes home I’m just going to have to live with his nonsense and keep my mouth shut which I don’t want to live like, but if he doesn’t come home our children will be without their dad and he will be without his children. I also fear he’ll hurt himself again or worse, someone else, which I could not live with the guilt.
Has anyone else been through something similar? Advice would be much appreciated