Im new & a carer for my alcoholic mother/ potential dementia


hi there

im samantha and im 22 , nearly 23

my mum has been a heavy alcholic and really mean for 15 years to me and i was a young carer for her. Did pretty much everything for her and my little brother as she was of been blacked out.
ive lived on my own for 6ish years so i do have space from her.

She has been 7 months sober as she finally went to detox when our relationship was at breaking point.

Im really suprised by her sobierty,

But my grandad has been diagnosed with lung cancer and potentionally 2 months to live, my mum is coping ‘too well’ i think and im worried that once he has passed she will get burn out and finally feel crushed with greif.

so im on watchout with her sponcer for that…

But the main thing right now is that she has either brain damage from alchole abuse and potentially dementia… which males sense as she is deteriorating with memory and basic thinking skills right before my eyes. my mum gets super upset and distressed when that happens (which is regular) and its really stressing me out as im trying to be the positive strong one. I stay round hers every weekend to give her company but i constantly feel so drained by it,

she is getting a 3hr dementia assessment by specialists at her home in a couple weeks which will be interesting, i will be with her.

Im really scared its dementia as ive been a careworker at end of life dementia home in the past and i see how bad it gets.

Ive been sectioned last year so i do have my own mental health problems.

Just trying to be brave.

Hi Samantha

I just wanted to say hello and I’m glad you’ve found the forum, although I’m sorry you need to. It’s a very sad situation for you all.

My caring situation was totally different, but I’m sure there are people here who can really relate to what you have written. ‘Brave’ sums up what we all have to try to be.

Hello Samantha and welcome to the forum.
So sad to read your post.
If your mum has been alcohol free for a while, all is not lost, ( possibly). If you google alcoholic dementia you will get some information. Try not to over think until you get the result from the dementia test. You really must look after you self. You are important too. I know only too well its easier said than done. Wait for the results, and then get help with how you and she will cope.
My circumstances are different to yours, as I’m much older than you, ( my eldest granddaughter is a couple of years older than you). My husband had strokes and vascular dementia, and was in a nursing home for over 3⅜ years. To be honest, when we had the diagnosis of vascular dementia, in a way it was a relief to have the answer. Better to know than guess.
Keep in touch, and others will be along with advice and support.