Hi, thanks for having me here!

Hi all,

my name’s Tom, been a Carer for my 80 year old Mum for almost five years now. She has Dementia and Parkinson’s and she’s in Recovery from alcohol. She’s actually content most of the time, but she has her episodes and goes missing. I’m hanging on to my promise of keeping her out of a home. I’m also hanging on by a thread, emotionally and mentally. Just sent an email to Mind…

Anyway, I’ve never joined in anywhere like this before, and as the Four Tops sang, I’m reaching out. Hope everyone’s doing okay out there. Tx

Hi Tom, welcome to the forum.

I think it’s so unfair for relatives to be made to promise not to put someone in a home.
It’s never a choice anyone wants to make, but sometimes it’s the only way someone’s needs can be met.
As someone who very seldom drinks, I think anyone who has become an alcoholic, and then suffers the consequences, has brought it on themselves. It’s ruining your life.

Dear Tom
It sounds hard for you.
I am glad your mum has times when she feels content.
Well done for giving her care that helps her find peace, I guess she has had suffering.
Do you get a break sometimes and some you time.
I hope so.

HI Tom
Unfortunately with your mothers conditions there could come the point that she will need to be in a home where she gets the care that she needs. That won’t be a failure on your part, it will just be that that’s how dementia goes. You will still be able to visit her and act in her best interests.

Hi Tom

Welcome. I am the Carer of my 83 year old husband - he too had alcohol issues and at his worse drank a litre of vodka a day. I am much younger. He drinks much less now but the damage to his body has been done. He is also mega difficult and medically non compliant.

I totally agree with the comments re a Care Home. No one knows what the future holds, and the need for care usually expands over the years to the point when it it is too much physically and mentally for one person - they need a team . You cannot and should not be available 24/7 and YOU have a right to a life too. I can totally relate to the ‘hanging on by a thread too’. Do you have a local Carers Support Group? I totally get meetings may be tough to attend but sometimes they can offer a telephone befriender, often they have been a carer themselves and they can offer support and are aware of what help may be available locally.

Dear Tom_2205
Hi there Tom im Kristie and i am an online community host for Carers UK. I am sorry to hear of your situation and i am glad you have decided to reach out. There is help here.
So welcome to the Forum! You are not alone in your caring role and i am sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and will offer you the help that you need and the support that you need too. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.
Carers UK are running two online weekly meet ups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at Care For A Cuppa:-Online meetups | Carers UK. There is also the second weekly online meet up which is called Share And Learn and can be found here at:-https://www,Share and Learn | Carers UK.
Our telephone number is 0808 808 7777 and the line is open from Monday to Friday at 9am-6pm and our email address is (advice@carersuk.org).
They provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits And Financial Support
-Your Rights As A Carer In The Workplace
-Carers Assessments And How To Get Support In Your Caring Role
-Services Available To Carers And The People You Care For
-How To Complain Effectively And Challenge Decisions
Best Wishes

Hi Tom
Living with alcoholism is hard. There will bsome al anon groups in your area they are for friends and families. I have been going for many years. Although your mum is now abstinent the damage to children of alcoholics …no matter what their age is lifelong. At al anon you will will learn some tools to help when your head feels crazy and you don’t know why.
It will also help with your current issues.
Often attached to carers uk there is a specialist counsellor in your local area who can help you work through the dilemma your in and help you see other perspectives upon the situation.
I wish you a peaceful evening and hope for the future