Mother With Chronic Alcohol Problem

Hi, only just found this place and had to join to I suppose you could say, vent, my feelings.
I’ve been unofficially caring for for my mother for 10 years, she is an alcoholic, and suffers from illnesses accociated with her drinking.
She’s been drinking for over 15years,vodka. And has no intention of stopping or changing.
Its got to the point where drink is all she cares about. The house is in ruins, and the stress is ruining me.
I’d move out, but if anything was to happen I’d never forgive myself.
Just don’t know what to do.

Hi De,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the Forum!

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through these struggles it must be very difficult for you. But its very brave to open up and please know that you aren’t alone. The forum is a great platform to speak to people going through similar situations. It’s important that you look after your own wellbeing as well as your mum’s.

Carers UK can help support and provide advice to unpaid carers such as yourself which may help relieve some of your stresses. Some of the topics Carers UK can support surround things like:
Benefits and financial support, carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role and services available to carers and the people you care for.
Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

Best Wishes,

You need to get out to save yourself!

No-one can possibly help your Mother until she wants to be helped.

If it were me, I’d tell her straight, she changes, or you go and leave her to it.

Hi De
Have you ever thought of joining Al- anon?
It’s for families and friends who have the difficulties of being with an alcoholic.
You obviously have done your very best over the years, and it’s time to think of yourself now. You have nothing to feel guilty about or should have to forgive yourself what ever happens

Thanks for the the replies, much appreciated.
Bowlingbun, Getting out isn’t really an option now, I’m not like that in nature, this is my mother. I’d hope if it were the other way around she wouldn’t just leave me.
Its a cruel world, plenty of people who take advantage and prey on vulnerable people. My mother can be easily lead…

Ayjay, I’ve told her a couple of times, but like you say, no one can possibly help her, until she is willing to accept help.

Pet66, I always believed al-anon was just for drinkers. I will have a look and see if there is any help I may be able to get.

What do you want us to say?
Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. You, and mum.
The only powers she has over you is the power you let her have. Don’t be a martyr, you have a right to happiness, a partner, a life.
You came to seek help, surely?

Hi De,

Welcome to the foru,

Life sounds very tough. The house being a wreck, your Mum only being interesting in her next drink and you feeling so understandable stressed. You joining the forum and telling us about it, suggests you are looking to share your experiences.

At the moment your Mum’s drinking is ruining two lives - hers and yours. As you rightly say, she until she admits there is a problem and is willing to accept help - no one can help her. May I tentatively suggest the same applies to your own personal situation.

Let us know when you are ready.