With C-19 and the 2nd lockdown, I am forced to work from home; leaving me with no room for respite from full time care. Now that I am home, working remotely, I see that my wife does requires constant care due to her regression having MS. She has also been told by the NHS that due to her level of regression, that no prescribed medication for her MS would be of any help. They have subsequently ceased her MS medication.
Being at home 24/7, places me in a position where I have to concentrate on work, but also the care of my wife and child when she gets home from school; whilst managing the entire household [groceries, finances etc].
Not having family nearby, as they are all living abroad, makes it even more difficult. We’ve come to the realisation that we might as well move somewhere where we’d prefer to live i.e. the coast, but finding work in Cornwall / Devon is difficult. We can’t just pack up and go, as we also need to think about schooling for our daughter.
But I am tired. Weekends are worse than during the week, as my daughter demands my attention 24/7, apart from caring for my wife and the puppy. Come Monday, I’m worse off and find it difficult to remain motivated for work. I have lost all interest in my career, and would literally take any job next to the coast; but then reality sets in and I need to think of the financial implications.
Why the coast you may ask; well, having grown-up next to the coast as a child and being ex-Navy, we miss the ocean. We’ve also found that being close to the ocean, has a very positive effect on mental wellbeing … but I am struggling! I don’t know when or if that “dream” would ever happen, and if it doesn’t, what then … will I be able to keep this up and for how much longer? It has changed who I am, and I don’t like the person I’ve become.
My wife has MS (can no longer weight-bear) and I do all that you have to, but I’m retired (and no kids at home).
Do you have any carers come in to help out at all? My wife has one carer for 45 minutes on four mornings per week and it does make a difference,(to me).
I’d like to move one day, been thinking about that for quite some time, but how I’ll ever manage to even find the time to find a suitable property let alone get any packing done, I have no idea.
Fortunately, I’m already close to the coast, and the New Forest is a mile or so in the other direction, so the move is not essential but I would like a bit more room for a pottery studio rather than sharing one end of my garage with all the other garage stuff that migrates to any available flat surface given time - I guess the move is on the back burner somewhat as I rarely find the time to throw any pots now. If you happen to be in North Norfolk, with enough space for a pottery studio, do let me know - (other areas are acceptable).
I don’t think I’ve changed much, other than being considerably more short tempered than I ever was, but that’s more down to the fact that my wife has changed, but purely because of the MS.
Stefan, I’m concerned that you appear to be trying to do all this alone, or have Social Services just let you get on with it?
Have you applied for NHS Continuing Healthcare?
Has the time come when you need your wife to move into residential care, for respite, or permanently.
It’s horrible being torn in all directions, on the verge of a breakdown counselling helped me set my priorities.
Does your daughter have special needs, or is she just a stroppy teenager, feeling she is never the focus of attention?
I’ve had Adult Social Service asking what help it is that I want; but that was 2 months ago. Nothing has materialised as yet. Last time I checked, my income put me above the bracket where we could receive at home assistance. Thankfully my wife doesn’t need residential care just yet, but due to her mental wellbeing having suffered psychosis, I have to make all of the decisions for the house, and remind her to eat this / drink that / do this etc.
And not, my daughter does not have special needs … she is just a stroppy 6 year old with attachment issues towards her mum. She is adopted.