It sounds to me as if they are trying to bully you.
They can want whatever they like, but it doesn’t mean you have to do what they want.
I’m wondering if they didn’t properly record your first complaints and want you to tell them what they are, and when you made them?
Please print off and file any correspondence from them.
Presumably you have told them to email, not ring?
Do you have a named social worker or email address for Social Services and CQC?If so, just forward things as they arrive to both of them.
Im in a dilemna i have only got my phone to use and im not confident sending files. I have the cqc reference number to tell them any further things that happen. So much seems to be happening im struggling. Hes just asked to go to toilet and they got hoist then said is it number 2 because if its a wee and didnt finish the sentence so i said is he still not going then to toilet for wee and she snapped at me i think they are stressed. Its not my fault they arent properly trained to look out for stuff they shrug their shoulders alot with me when ive asked stuff i think thats whats made it worse. I do have some experience i trained on chemist at boots and im observant i suppose. Maybe ive expected too much but its the principle and its not only him thats snapped at.
Thankyou. Im really not sure about our social worker either as i emailed her about rechecking the CHC and she didnt reply. I complained about her sending us to this care home as its gone into specisl measures and im thinking she was aware so i expect shes not very happy with me either. If i havnt got the power of attorneys i feel im going to struggle without a solicitor but it will be too costly i think
@Melly1 that is great as I think @Jackie66 is being bullied. It is so unfair and she has a lot to cope with.
Keep in touch @Jackie66 so that we can help you through this.
Thank you so much for sharing about your caring situation @Jackie66 We are sorry to hear that you are struggling with caring and support you are receiving. We have passed your message to one of our helpline advisers who will respond with some suggested support.
Jackie, in various ways I’ve been dealing with Social Services for over 50 years now!
Every so often try to pause and take a day off from all the stress.
If that is unrealistic, just try to have a few hours off, or a long soak in the bath and an early night, or curled up on the settee quietly watching something gentle on TV.
Out of the blue today the Physios turned up, i would have liked to have been there but the home did not let me know. They said he managed to stand for 20 seconds so are going to be giving the carers some exercises for him and something about a new rotunder machine arriving tomorrow… Friday. The physios will revisit in 3 weeks to see if he will have strength to be able to walk again, this is all i have been told today when i visited. He seemed abit brighter following a rotten weekend of an excema flare up on his neck and conjunctivitus. Considering one of their carers sat down and was scratching himself and rolling his trousers up and scratching his legs im amazed all the patients havnt got something he was covered in bites and scabs it looked horrible. They are so unprofessional in their manner, like asking him if he needs to go to number 1 or 2 it is undignified as not all of the others have dementia they may just be there due to falls i wonder what they think. I cannot believe i have sent him to this place and all i keep thinking of is his sad face when we left to go there, that day when he walked out of here. i find it hard to forgive myself. Also whilst i was there today 3 visitors came in the room with the Manager of the home, they were wearing those cards around their necks could be from cqc maybe. It was after that the Manager spoke to me and said John had done alot better than they had expected him to. I was also offered a cup of tea which doesnt happen too often. I today received the invoice from the Council so i have that phone call to make tomorrow to ket rhem know why i wont be paying yet
Do not phone! Be sure to email so you have a “paper trail” and you are in control. If they phone, tell them they MUST email. It is your right to choose the form of communication, I believe. It means they can’t spring something on you and expect an instant answer.
@Jackie66 they may finally be listening, your message may be working but @bowlingbun is right, you need a paper trail. My experience is that they phone to avoid this so insist on email. I once told my GP who is my main problem that I would be recording his call so asked him to wait while I set up the recording. He quickly agreed to put the intended conversation in writing instead.
If they don’t have an email, call to say you have sent a letter, and put it in a hard copy letter. You need evidence as they will misdirect and mis-state conversations.
As you are refusing to pay because of the quality of care, hopefully you have the contact details for someone in the social work team? Tell them that you have received an invoice from the finance team but will not be paying it, due to unacceptably poor care. Then they can forward it to the finance department.
We were concerned to read that you’ve been having such a difficult time in dealing with your husband’s care home. As mentioned in an earlier post, we have sent some of your posts to one of Carers UK’s Helpline advisers and we’ll email their response to you as soon as we receive it.
In the meantime, I thought you might find the following information on Carers UK’s website helpful:
I have received the invoice from the Council now and am going to email them and explain why i wont be paying their bill until the investigation is done. I dont know what i expect to come from this really it seems like ive been wading through treacle im so tired now and gradually they have changed things but its been upsetting
Use Google: Barbara Pointon documentary.. Sorry, I can’t do links on my iPad.You will find details there, and an article by the Northern Echo “A Public Dying”. Her husband’s name was Malcolm. On You tube search “Malcolm and Barbara Love’s Farewell”.
Thankyou. Things have changed again Friday i went to visit my husband and he was in bed, first time but i thought well its better than being sat in a chair all day head bent like before. I sat with him for few hours made sure he had drinks, i had 2 days to rest and went to see him Monday and he was in bed again exhausted. His face looked hot, he hadnt had any mouth care i could tell, his excema had flared again on his neck so i put some cream on and touched his ear which i could see the top of ear lobe looked swollen and it hurt him. I told the carers who made note. I fed him some food and drink and left. Today its been mad again the paramedics came out and hes got anti biotics again as his temperature is alittle high and they said his lungs are crackly still. Hes asthmatic, i dont think hes getting his asthma inhalor into his body correctly as he doesnt understand and the assistant manager said oh we will ask gp for a spacer that was over a week ago today the actual manager said i think we will ask for a spacer, im honestly hitting my head on a brick wall i cant believe the lack of leadership. I think im slowly going mad it feels like it. He is being monitored 2 hourly ( lets hope) and if he says hes cold or anything else develops they will call 999.
Ive just send my email to the local authority telling them i am not paying their bill until its been thoroughly investigated like you and other lady have suggested. Im in deep now and have no idea where its going to go but ive never complained like this before so am hoping some good will come from it. Someone told me i really should make a complaint about my gp surgery too as when he first became ill at the beginning in the 2 week respite, when he got the high temperature and couldnt stand his own gp refused to go out to see him. I need to build abit more courage up for that i think
Thankyou for your support you and tired Ann i wouldnt have done any of it without you
@Jackie66 glad you are feeling a bit stronger to cope with this but horrid that you are going through this. Your GP certainly has some answers to give, which I think you can bring up when this matter is more settled. One battle at a time I suppose.
The main issue is that you are not paying for what is clearly awful ‘care’. They may try to bully you but just keep saying you are taking advice on this so are not prepared to respond. Remember to get this all in writing too. For your records too. If anything you also have your entries here on the forum as evidence.
It is awful when you first complain, because we all want it to be as best it can be, but when it is clearly below standard you have a right to complain.
Keep strong, you are doing great, sending hugs
He is lucky to have you on his side.
Thankfully his temperature has come down today, he is eating and drinking but very tired out.
The Council have emailed and told me all invoices have been put on hold until the matter is sorted out. I know i will probably sound negative but i dont imagine them apologising or owning up to any failings alot is my word mostly and they are running a business not very well though.
It has opened my eyes to how these homes can employ staff with little empathy and experience to what elderly people need. I hate going there and am really scared of moving him on to what may be similar and am starting to think with carers coming in it would be a kinder option. I know i wont be able to go out but i dont much anyway an hour or 2 here and there and i can hire private sitters perhaps. If later he becomes very ill i woukd think again. Just mulling things over anyway