Husband in hospital and I can`t get there

Hi I am Sandra…I used to be a carer for my parents for over 20 years in total …caring so long took its toll on me and now I have back problems and just had an operation to reattach my retina a few weeks ago…Now my husband has ended up being my carer…2 weeks ago he became ill with flu and last sunday was taken into hospital …he developed an abcess on his back too and they had to operate…its breaking my heart …I have no way to get to visit him in hospital…we have no family or friends and I had to get argos to deliver him a wash bag and towels to the hospital because he has nothing with him only the clothes he had on when he went into hospital…I tried to do the same with some pyjamas and underwear for him but the courier is saying they have been delivered and they are now missing…so he has no pyjamas or anything and the nurses keep telling him he needs to have these things and I just cant get anything to him…I can only walk a few steps with a zimmer frame then I have to sit down again because the pain becomes too much…I don`t have access to a wheelchair and I have no money in the house so I cant even call a taxi and take a leap of faith and try get to him…he left his bank card at home and the little bit of money he had on him he had to buy a phone charger so he could keep in contact with me…does anyone know if there is any way to get his bank card to him then at least he may be able to buy a few things at the hospital shop…I am heart broken he is in hospital with nothing and no visitors and im stuck here feeling useless and worrying about him

Ring Social Services and ask for an IMMEDIATE needs assessment as your carer has been admitted to hospital. Stress that you need Emergency Carers. Every area has to have these to keep people out of hospital.
Social Services should have access to a voluntary driver scheme too, someone to take you to see your husband.

How are you managing about shopping etc.

I feel sure that there is an organisation in your area that could help you, the St. Johns Ambulance, a volunteer service, WRVS or similar.
Google where you live and volunteer bureau.
If you have ever been involved with the army, navy, or air force, they have welfare officers.
Is there a local Guide or Scout group? They might be happy to help you as part of a Community Service scheme.

I’m disgusted with the hospital’s attitude.
Ring the hospital PALS (Patient Liason) department, explain the situation.
The hospital should be able to arrange for your husband to have what he needs, after all, if he was widowed, they’d have no alternative.

If you could say which county you live in, ( not your exact location) or which hospital is involved, others in your area might know of schemes in your area.

Hello and welcome!

Have you requested a needs assessment or not? Insist on having a emergency needs assessment carried out pronto. Ask about emergency carers as well. Every single area of Britain should have at least one to prevent a horrible national crisis from happening. Also try to find out if social services can help you with food shopping. Discuss this at your needs assessment with the social worker. What do you think you need help with? Use that question as a starting point and take it from there. Be candid. This is a prime opportunity to explain everything so do not waste time. Make the most of it.

How are you coping now? Make a appointment as soon as possible to discuss a referral to counselling with your doctor as well. I feel sure that you could potientally benefit and that this is a really good idea. When was the last time you had a break? Me time is important for unpaid carers. Without any me time I would be insane and completely unable to care for my caree at all. Even if it is a hour just spent in town doing some food shopping, having your nails redone or meeting a old friend it still counts. This is something which the local council can assist you with. Call them up tomorrow. Talk with their social services team.

Are you on benefits? Citizen’s Advice can help you with this. My advice is to read the form carefully. Show the form to a benefits advisor in person at their office tomorrow. You can use the Internet to find your local office. Good luck!

Phone up the hospital again. Or email PALS for help. Their mindset is appalling and not sufficient enough either. Explain fully what has happened. Your husband is actually being mistreated. Mention the fact to them that if he was divorced or widowed they are legally required to help. Can you afford a lawyer? This is a human interest story. I’m sure that the newspapers will be really interested to know your version of events. What county do you currently reside in?

Welcome to the forum, Sandra. Sorry to hear your husband is in hospital. It must be a very frustrating time for both of you. You’ve got some good advice here. I just wanted to say that a few years ago when I was in hospital without nightwear the hospital lent me a disposable nightie. Ok, not the latest style, but it covered me! I would have thought all hospitals would be able to do this. Also, if the pyjamas and nightwear you ordered for delivery got lost in the hospital, surely the hospital would be responsible for replacing them?

I do hope something works out for you and that your husband is soon well again and able to look after you.


Sorry to hear about your circumstances. Please don’t worry about your husband not having his own clothes or toiletries. I walked into the hospital A&E once with a facial infection and was there for five days in a hospital gown. The nurses might perfer him to have his own clothes but if it’s not possible, it’s not possible! I expect the nurses rotate so you never get the same one from day to day and they each say the same thing!

Locked. Usual reasons.