How can I specify that I do not want my husband to be my carer (for personal care such as incontinence etc)

How can I put this on record - advance planning for the future.

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Hi B.

Planning for the unknown is always difficult, which is why most people don’t do it, but it is incredibly sensible to get your thoughts together. Most people know about “Advance Decisions”, but they are about things like resuscitation or life support machines, surgery refusal, etc.

There is another mechanism that’s used for the sort of thing you’ve mentioned: an “advance statement.” Although it is not legally binding, it has to be taken into account, and I would be of the opinion that your particular wish is very likely to be adhered to - especially if your husband is of the same view, as he has the legal right to refuse to offer care. The NHS website explains about advance statements here: Advance statement about your wishes - NHS (

My parents wrote one of these back in 2006. When Mum came to the point where living at home would be dangerous for her, I gave her advance statement to her social worker, which made it clear that she did not want to put me in the position of giving her personal care, and that she would rather go into a care home. As she did not have mental capacity at the time the social worker was on the case, he had to accept that she had made a clear advance statement that covered the circumstances she was now in, and Mum went into a care home.