I’m cheryl and I a carer to my mum :slight_smile: .
At the moment my mum is in hospital and her health is not too good. it wasnt too great to start off with but now she is down to 40kg.
she ha had mri,ct,endoscope. you name it she has had it. everything is coming back normal. now we are being told she needs to go onto anti depressants as this will lift her mood and get her to eat!. my mum is 82 and never had issues with depression.
i can see my mum wasting away in front of me and nothing getting done. she wants to eat and drink but is finding it impossible for some reason. last night when i visited my mum was very strange. the only way i can discribe it was that she looked like a zombie. not wanting to talk, 11 word answers and staring into space. when i mentioned this to the nurse she said that it can take a few weeks for anti dpressants to kick in but this is not right. i cant seem to get the team to listen to me that something is wrong. they say i know my mum best but then wont listen when i raise concerns. i know my mum wants home but this is not the issue.
how do i get them to listen. i cant sleep my stomach is in knots and my gut is telling me to fight for her but nnnnnnn oe is listening. please help :frowning: .
thanks xx

Hi Cheryl

What a worry for you.

You might be interested in this description of delirium on the Alzheimers website: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/delirium

It is not always about hallucinations and such. There is a form called “hypoactive” which can be confused with depression.

When my late mum went into hospital she was diagnosed with delirium. She couldn’t understand where she was, or what period in her life it was. In particular she couldn’t seem to “understand” food when it was put in front of her. She would look at a biscuit and say “is that a bee?”.

I sat with her and fed her little spoonfuls of icecream and soup, and we used a straw or a beaker for liquids. She did seem to need someone to “interpret” food for her.

Might be worth a try?

Cheryl, this is a really difficult situation.

The best articles I’ve found (when my own mum was very ill) explaining how the body reacts when it’s not feeling well are in some articles written by people in the hospice movement. You will find them if you Google “Signs of Dying”.

I am NOT saying mum is dying, however her body is undoubtedly struggling at the moment if she is down to such a low weight. I’ve had a very serious operation, and some of the things described were relevant to me too.

Can you mum swallow at all?

Have you spoken to the PALS department at the hospital (Patient Liason)?
Asked to see the consultant in charge of mum’s care?
If so, and still no one is listening, write a letter, recorded delivery, to the CEO of the hospital.

thnks for getting back to me. In answer to some of your questions mum doesnt have demantia etc and she can swollow. she had a lot of nasia to start off with but they seem to have got this under control…wellmum isnt saying anything about it.
dad asked to get my mum weighed last night which she didnt really want done but prob because she has lost another 3 kg! she is now 37kg.
the pallative care team are involved but again they seem to think that mum is just depressed. which to be honest she prob is but not to the extent they are making out.
i spoke to someone from the ward today and was informed that last night mum eat a full baked potato and ice cream which i find very hard to believe as she had asked my dad to take soup in for her which she never touched. i dont like to say but i think she may have binned the meal in the hospital s she is in a side ward and no staff sit with her when she gets her mealllls.
i have asked to have a meeting with the consutant once again and hope to get some answeres as they are looking to send mum home this week!


i have asked to have a meeting with the consutant once again and hope to get some answeres as they are looking to send mum home this week!

Ideal time for that trusty old Hospital Discharge bible again :

Being discharged from hospital - NHS

In short , by the book or … NO DISCHARGE !

( CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare … at least ask the question ? )

Cheryl, if she can physically swallow, then that’s really good. It can be really lonely in a side ward, although in other ways it’s more private.
I don’t believe for one minute that she ate a baked potato either.
Given her massive weight loss there should always be someone there to help her eat.

What on earth were they thinking about, giving her a baked potato at all???!!!??? That indicates an urgent need for further training for whoever is doing the meal planning - she should be seeing the hospital dietitian. Is this happening?
Is mum drinking enough? Do they check this? Does her room smell strongly of wee?
My elderly mum had a dreadful diet really, she had physical difficulty swallowing due to a neck problem, but survived for years mainly on a diet of Mr. Kipling cakes and yoghurt.
Try to find out a bit more about the medication they are giving her for “depression” and then look it up on the internet. I was prescribed the lowest dose of Amitryptilene after my husband died, if I took a whole tablet at the lowest dose I lost all motivation for everything, and I’m 5ft 9" tall and very solidly built. Medication, like alcohol, can affect different people different ways.
I’ve also had Sertraline, at the lowest dose this really helped me perk up.

You know your mum better than anyone else, don’t be afraid to challenge anyone caring for her, if you don’t, who will. This is not a popularity contest (I’m sure my Social Services file says “Beware, Attilla the Hun” on mine) but my only concern is my brain damaged son’s well being.