Hi newbie here

New to Carers Connect
1

My wife and I are currently caring for her elderly father. He has moved in with us and just had the diagnosis of stage 4 prostate cancer which has spread extensively into his bones ( mainly pelvis and spine at present). He is 89 years old and becoming very frail. We have carers in twice per day AM and PM, District nurses attend daily to dress bedsores which he got in hospital during a recent stay for 4 day due to an infection/dehydration etc, He is so grateful for all that we do for him.

Personally we are dealing with our new roles as carers and coming to terms with the diagnosis. I myself am struggling with anxiety, stress/depression symptoms. I am off work just now and receiving support from my GP and through work I am able to receive counselling. It was all getting a bit much for me to cope with.

I also care for my mother who lives in her own house on her own after my dad passed 2016 after suffering from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis for many years, Mums health has gone down hill since then and I do believe she is suffering from a type of dementia. So battling with doctors to get her needs met, She struggles with word finding in every sentence, loosing items, unable to remember how to drive from one local town to another. Processing problems too, unable to use mobile phone to make a call from the mobile she has had for 6 years. Not remembering how to cook meals or use the oven.

I’m an early years practitioner and work full time in a deprived area so work although can be a slight respite from caring is also stressful.

I currently feel wrung out and frazzled. I’m on a constant treadmill that I can’t get off.

Will be nice to chat with other carers who are going through their own challenges :slight_smile:

2

It’s a real shame that you moved dad in with you, I’m afraid.
Even more of a shame that the hospital took so little care of him, and you’ve been left to deal with the fall out.

My dad had prostate cancer, his GP (same practice as me) wouldn’t tell me about how long he had left, although aware that I would be left to care for my very disabled mum, as well as my disabled son!
So I rang the prostate cancer charity, they asked me about dad’s symptoms at the time, and told me he had about 6 months left. They were accurate to within 2 weeks.
I then went back to the GP, who still said that he couldn’t discuss dad’s specific health, due to confidentiality, but he could tell me the general progress of patients with the disease.
Dad would be OK up to the point when he took to his bed, but would then find he didn’t have the strength to get up again. Things would progress quickly from then onward. Dad died less than 2 weeks later.

Your dad is entitled to fast track attendance allowance, if he doesn’t get it already.
Get in touch with dad’s GP. Ask his GP to arrange “Fast Track NHS Continuing Healthcare” for dad - free extra help within 48 hours. There should also be a terminal care plan drawn up.

With regard to your mum, if she’s still driving, take away her car keys immediately!!