Struggling with feelings, not the situation (2)

hi,im new here dont know what im asking but think i need some help.i gave up work to look after dad and brought him home to live with me,i have slept on a lilo in his room for the time i had him,he only slept 2 full nights in the 14 weeks i had him here,he never slept through the day was on lots of medication,long tech,short tech,lorazapan,zuplicon all supposed to make him sleep but nothing worked he was adamant that he wasnt going to sleep(he was terrified)he finally admitted of dying.he has pulimonary fibrosis,lung cancer & prostate cancer,he lost all mobility in his legs,i tried my best with him & never received any help until the last 2 weeks of him being here,2 nurses came in morning to clean him which i had done mostly by the time they came(not their fault just not enough staff)i tore my calf muscle lifting him onto bed,he had a commode in the room but when he managed to get out of bed,crawl through to bathroom & could have went tumbling down the stairs i decided that i was doing him more harm than good,the district nurse & doctor got in touch with social work & we decided between us that he should go into care(dad agreed)this is supposed to be for respite.he left on friday and i have never felt this way in my life my heart is actually sore & i cant stop crying,when he left he could still have a conversation with me,when i went to see him today he was basically comotose,couldnt put 2 words together and had no coordination,he couldnt even lift a cup,i feel so bad for him,he hadnt ate anything for 4 days before he left here but they tell me he has had fish n chips etc,when i went in today he had a cold cup of tea sitting on his table,i dont know what to do i feel guilty,i actually feel sick thinking about him

Is dad at the end of his life? Google “Signs of Dying” as you will find lots of information about how the body shuts down. My dad had prostate cancer. I asked the G P what would happen at the end. I was told he’ll be OK, until one day he will take to his bed, and then things would go downhill quickly. Dad died three or four weeks later in the hospice. I have no medical training, but if you look at the internet there are articles written by people from the hospice movement. Dad isn’t dying because he’s not eating or drinking, his body cannot cope with much food or drink because it knows the organs are not working well, and can only cope with nibbles and sips. This period is full of ups and downs. My mum was in a nursing home for a year. One moment apparently on her last legs, the next visit fine and chatty. An emotional roller coaster for the family. Your dad NEEDS 24 hour care now.

Hello Amanda

Welcome to the forum.
This sounds a really difficult time for you, have you thought about coming along to our weekly care for a cuppa session? We run them every Monday afternoon. Its a time when carers can come together on zoom and and chat informally. People say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here:

Please come along, we would love to see you there.

with best wishes