I am 57 and about 2 months ago my father had a serious fall. I contacted the local Early Intervention Services and he now has a care team in place. Then about a month ago my mother suffered a stroke and was discharged from hospital last Friday and also now has her own care team
I work full time and over the last few months I have been able to take holiday to be able to spend time with them.and when working visit them in the evening several times a week.
Unfortunately I did have to take a week off work as I became ill due to the stress etc
I must admit I am finding this situation very difficult especially tonight when I had a call from my mother’s carer saying my mother wanted to see me. I asked to speak to my mother and explained to her that I had been there this morning and had just had a shower and was about to get into bed.
I felt so awful having to say no and wonder if anyone else has had a similar situation.
Welcome to the forum.
I know it’s tough, but you must make time for yourself. Starting by putting your phone on silent or answer phone on. Tell the agency NOT to call you like this.
Do your parents each have a Lifeline?
Both claim Attendance Allowance?
Thank you for the welcome
It never occurred to me to put my phone on silence or answer machine as I feel like they need to be able to talk to me.
My mother has an emergency alarm which she keeps on her (I assume that is what you are referring to).
I had an hour telephone call from a social worker who went through the different benefits
I have had so much thrown at me and I was trying to do them all at the same time that I decided to do one thing at a time. I have started by contacting people regarding residential care as they need 24 hour help. Next I need to tackle bills then sort out the banks (mom kept hold of the purse strings and she cannot remember where she has put the info) then I will tackle benefits.
I do have help from my children and my brother but I am the main contact for everyone and my parents will always call me first.
It upset me hearing my mother sounding upset.
Thank you for your reply
Does your brother live near you?
Don’t let him sit back and let you do everything.
This is going to take a long time to sort out, there are no fast fixes.
As my brother was dying in Uruaguay, I had to sort out his house near me. 10 years of filing not done!
I started by rounding up all the financial paperwork in the house, putting it in order in a big lever arch file with Mylar dividers, one for Gas, Electric, HSBC, Halifax etc. and putting it in date order?
Binning all junk mail as I went along.
Once all the paperwork is in date order, put all the bills in a plastic ring binder sleeve.
This means you won’t hae to rifle through it, and at the end, you can take the whole lot out of the file and bin it knowing there is nothing important left on that subject.
I had another ring binder with details of the jobs to do, most urgent first.
Again, with Mylar dividers.
Always write down the name address and phone number of everyone you speak to, date, and what was agreed.
Hi Ann,
Im really sorry to hear about the troubles youre going through as a carer. I just wanted to let you know that, if you do find that sharing your own experiences and hearing the experiences of similarly situated individuals makes you feel better, Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for unpaid carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/share-and-learn-online-sessions